


Survivor's Guilt

by previouslysane



Series: Children of Dark Spaces [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Multi, dont worry friends, the rape is not between two canon characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:57:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 56,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/previouslysane/pseuds/previouslysane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico has unbearable nightmares. The panic attacks come in waves, his sense on his self slipping like water through fingers. When Chiron insists that the seven of the prophecy live in an apartment complex, Jason insists that Nico live with him, since he's the only one who can see how Nico is ripping apart at his seams. Nico can barely keep the horrors of Tartarus contained, and tells his stories of what happened in Tartarus. Surviving it was hard enough, but reliving it may prove to destroy him once and for all.</p><p>Written pre Blood of Olympus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I've been working on for a few months, just after the release of House of Hades. I started thinking about what could've happened to Nico in Tartarus and of course my mind decided on the Worst Possible things. It's not too shippy, sorry, but it got the ball rolling on this other PJATO fic that I can't get waited to start. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! (b/c fuck knows that none of my characters ever enjoy anything ever lmao)

Nico lay curled in his bed, awoken again by a terrible dream. He was drenched in sweat and his whole body quivered with tension. His heart beat double time. Maybe it was trying to remind Nico that he was still living. Nico didn't want to move. Nico could barely breathe; he was so terrified. Sitting up on his own bed felt like the most difficult task. But he did it.

His dreams had become increasingly worse since his time in Tartarus. They tore at him from the inside out, leaving him an empty hull to be filled and emptied again. He would try to deprive himself of sleep so he wouldn't be forced to relive his nightmare over and over again, but exhaustion would find him. Terror would rip through him. And he would become a sobbing excuse for a human.

Nico willed his tears back as he swung to his feet, leaning against the wall. He opened the door to his room and saw the living-room-turned-bedroom. Chiron had convinced the seven to take up residence in an apartment building that had every demigod protections around it, even though mortals lived in it as well. Everyone had a small one-bedroom apartment to themselves... everyone but Jason. Jason insisted forcefully that Nico come and live with him.  Nico couldn't understand why someone like Jason would care about someone like Nico, but the nightmares of Tartarus had begun to devour him. He needed somewhere to stay. He needed someone to stay with.

Nico limped his way to the bathroom, walking quietly as possible past the slumbering Jason on the pull-out bed in the living room. He turned the bath tap on, shivering as the tub filled with water. The sweat was evaporating and leaving a salty chill on his body. He felt sick. He felt helpless. He nearly allowed himself to cry before he turned to the door and saw Jason standing in its frame.

"Are you going to turn the light on at least?" Jason's voice was gravelly with sleep. Nico shook his head, clenching his teeth. The water gushed into the tub in the absence of speech. "Nico, what happened?"

Jason's voice was so quiet and so sincere that Nico nearly broke down at the sound of it. He pressed his nails into his palms and bit his lips so roughly that a coppery taste filled his mouth. He'd broken skin.

"Is it nightmares?"

"Jason, please," Nico whispered. He didn't have the energy to fight Jason's questions. "Please, don't ask me."

"You're exhausted, Nico."

"I can't sleep."

"Do you want to share the bed?"

The instant Jason said it, Nico knew that he would give in. Sharing the bed with Jason... another warm body... the ability wake up and have someone there. Just the thought of crying in someone's chest seemed to calm Nico down a bit.

"No," Nico said. "I'm alright."

"Like hell you are." Jason crossed his arms.  "I've laid in bed with you before, Nico. You... You promised me."

"But--"

"You _promised._ " Jason persisted. Nico averted his eyes. Nico had sworn that any time he was feeling suicidal that he would call Jason and let Jason shoulder some of his weight for him. It was a quiet agreement that none of the others knew about.  He was a great friend, better than Nico deserved. Nico would never have told him any of his fears, but once the big secret was forced from him in Croatia, he began accepting Jason's offering to be his confidant. Jason was the closest thing he had to a friend, though Nico began to feel more and more like a delicate piece of glass being handled gently by a glassworker. He hated asking Jason to indulge in all these things, but Jason never once seemed bothered by it. "As long as I can help," he would say and rub Nico's back until he fell asleep.

Nico nodded, avoiding Jason's gaze in the dark bathroom. The bathtub was nearly full now and Nico shut it off.  The silence pressed in on every side.

Jason knelt next to the toilet that Nico was sitting on. "Tell me what you need."

"Stay with me," Nico's plea was soft. He hated needing people. It made him feel weak and helpless. But here he was. Weak. Helpless.  Jason nodded, leaning back against the wall. He stretched a little bit. "Don't look."

"Don't worry, dude," Jason said, dropping his head between his knees as Nico slipped off his pajama pants and briefs and stepped into the steaming water. He pulled the curtains to cover his lower half. "Why do you take baths anyway? Is it... you know... because of him?"

Nico dipped beneath the water and emerged, hair dripping. "Not everything I do is because of Percy Jackson, you know."

"So why do you take baths, then?"

"I guess it's because I always feel dirty," Nico murmured, swirling the water around. "And bathing is more romantic than showering."

Jason laughed softly. "That sounds like a reason you would bathe."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, it makes sense, Nico." Jason scooted closer to the bathtub so he could see Nico's face. There was a comfortable silence in which Nico traced his hands over his legs and torso, as though he was trying to memorize his body by touch. The comfortable silences were something that Nico really appreciated about Jason. They could sit next to each other for hours and Nico wouldn't need to say a single word.  Jason understood the silence in a way that no one else did.  He never felt pressed for small talk. Nico began humming a gentle prayer to Nyx, the goddess of night and Jason leaned his head on the edge of the tub.

"You pray to Nox a lot," Jason pointed out.

"That's because I'm in her territory a lot. And Nyx, Nox, not a huge difference, Grace, you can manage."

"Fine." Jason rolled his eyes. Even in the darkness, Nico could tell. "Nyx. She's a minor goddess, right?"

"She and her husband Erebus have taught me more than any major god or goddess." Nico's smile was soft. "I owe them a prayer once and a while."

"Understandable," Jason nodded. "What did you just pray about now?"

"That a certain demigod of the sky would butt out," Nico snorted. Jason grinned.

"My butt, my decisions, di Angelo."

Nico splashed a little water on Jason and Jason splashed him back.

"Watch out there, lighting boy," Nico said. "A bathtub full of electricity isn't exactly the way I want to go out."

Jason's smile melted slowly off of his face and Nico understood where Jason's mind had gone. What _was_ the way he wanted to go out? Nico had honestly given it too much thought. Being in close contact with death made him think about it more frequently than one would usually do. Nico let the silence expand between them, pushing them apart as their thoughts buzzed in the background. He pulled the stopper for the bath and the water drained loudly.

"Pass me a towel, please," Nico murmured finally. Jason hopped up and fetched a towel for Nico. Nico dried off his hair and torso, stepping out of the bath and drying his legs.

"Come on, Angel," Jason teased, motioning for him to go to his bedroom. Nico glared at him.

"Don't call me that," Nico grumbled.

"It's only your name," Jason said in his most unconvincingly innocent voice.

"Yeah, well what if I called you Grazia?" Nico said, slipping on briefs underneath his towel.

"Then I would thank you because it sounds so wonderful."  Jason laughed. Nico sighed. He looked for a clean pair of pajama pants but couldn't find any.

"You don't need them, come on." Jason yawned. Nico whispered a gentle prayer to Hypnos as he did every time before he fell asleep. He slipped into the bed, Jason wrapping his arms around Nico protectively. Nico felt right. He felt good. The fear had not gone from his sharp memories, but now peace enveloped him. He didn't know what it was about Jason, but he was good for Nico. Nico turned into Jason's chest and let himself cry.

"I worry about you," Jason murmured. "I worry that you're going to hurt yourself... and I won't be there to stop you." Nico wanted to tell him that he would never hurt himself, but he knew that would be a lie. Nico cried silently in Jason's arms, pressing his cheek into Jason's bare chest in the darkness. Jason rubbed Nico's back gently until the combination of tears and comfort lulled Nico back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Nico woke up gently the next morning, cradled in Jason's arms. Nico always liked how Jason slept. His breaths were deep, strong... like he was. Nico's breaths were so shallow in sleep that when he awoke and took a breath in, his lungs felt as though they had shriveled from under-use. Nico didn't mind though. He stretched and sat up. Jason grunted a bit, blinking one eye at a time. Nico laughed. If there was one thing about Jason Grace that was not at _all_ graceful, it was how he woke up in the mornings.

"Wuzrong?" Jason slurred, "Y'okay?"

"I'm fine, stupid," Nico said. "I'm going to make breakfast."

"Mkay." Jason flopped back down, instantly asleep again. Nico shook his head. He picked up his pajama pants and dirty underwear from the bathroom and threw the underwear in the hamper. He slipped the pajama pants on and shuffled over to the kitchen. Jason liked turkey bacon more than pork bacon, so they were stocked with the stuff. He fried up a few eggs and flipped some pancakes, fried some bacon, and began making some coffee. Jason was likely to eat most of everything that Nico made, and Nico appreciated it. He had never eaten much to begin with, so he put aside a pancake and some turkey bacon to be drenched in syrup. Half an hour through the first batch of batter, Jason came from the room, scratching his blonde head.

"Hey roomie," Jason said, still heavy-lidded. "Thanks for making breakfast."

"I like making breakfast." He said. Jason slipped a strip of bacon and folded the whole thing in his mouth. Someone knocked on the door. Jason yawned, answering the door as Nico flipped a few more pancakes onto a plate. It was Piper of course, Nico could hear Jason kissing her in the doorway.

"Hey, Nico," Piper said, her voice like velvet.

"Hey, Piper," Nico responded. He and Piper didn't have too much in common, so it was always a little weird when she came over for hours at a time. "Staying for breakfast?"

"Got anything I can eat?" Piper joked. It was only partially a joke, Nico knew. Piper had now evolved into a full-blown vegan. _Nothing_ that Nico just made was vegan. He cracked his knuckles.

"Challenge accepted, my lady."

They all sat down to breakfast, Jason to his pile of food, Nico to his modest pancake and turkey bacon, and Piper to her fruit salad and peanut butter, banana, and almond milk smoothie. Piper beamed at the meal and began sipping her smoothie happily.

"You actually did it," Piper congratulated.

"I'm not completely inept, you know," Nico rolled his eyes, cutting his pancake into bites. Piper shrugged her shoulders as if to concede that he has to get something right sometimes, and started to eat her fruit salad.  She and Jason talked idly about stuff that sounded trivial to Nico but _very_ important to Piper, so Nico tuned them out and thought about his night instead.

After Jason imposed himself upon Nico, his sleep was dreamless. He would never admit aloud how much he truly loved Jason's embrace. Sometimes, when he was half asleep, Nico would pretend that it was Percy holding him like that. Nico would pretend that he wasn't broken and shattered and that the arms around him are a childhood friend's, not a boy he'd met a only a year before. Nico liked to pretend that Annabeth was just a name in a shared nightmare and that Percy held him fast and warm. He'd pretend that Percy was the one driving out the bad dreams. It wasn't that Nico didn't like Jason, he really and truly did, but... Jason wasn't Percy. Jason has done so much for him but.... Jason wasn't Percy.

This was why Piper didn't bother him too much. Though, he would feel a stab of jealousy every time Jason's arms enveloped someone that wasn't him. And sure, whenever he imagined Jason lying innocently in bed with anyone who wasn't him, he felt uncomfortable to the point of anger. But these feelings towards Jason were pale in comparison to his feelings towards Percy. His feelings towards Percy had jumbled strangely since he escaped Tartarus, and he didn't like to think about Percy for too long before he slipped into a panic attack.

Lately, Nico's life had devolved into one panic attack after another. He had to remind himself not to be on constant alert. He had to remind himself that he was no longer in the pit, alone. But it was hard sometimes, in the dark. Erebus had taught him that the dark was not the thing he feared, it was the unknown. He had tried to grasp that concept, but...

Nico stood up and placed his plate in the sink to be washed by Jason later. He leaned against the sink, his head hanging a bit.

 _Shut up, me_ , He thought gruffly. _Don't think about that now. Stop._

"Nico?" Piper's voice cut through to him. He winced.

"Yeah?" Nico turned around.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to come out with Jason, Percy, Annabeth and me tonight." Piper said. Nico laughed.

"Thanks, but I'm not gonna crash your double date." Nico hopped onto the counter and began swinging his legs. "I'll just hit up Leo probably."

"Don't have too much fun without us," Jason stretched, lifting his empty plate and dropping it in the sink along with Piper's glass and bowl. "and can you please actually call Leo this time?" Jason lowered his voice so Piper couldn't hear. "I don't want a repeat of last night. Don't scare me, Nico."

Nico didn't look Jason directly in the eye.

"I'll call him," Nico evasively.

"Promise me," Jason's voice was low and authoritative. A promise between Jason and Nico was becoming more and more like an oath. Jason would never promise anything that he couldn't assure. Nico felt soul-crushing guilt if he broke any of his promises to Jason. Nico swallowed.

"I promise," his voice was soft.  Jason nodded, smiling.

"What are you two whispering about?" Piper said, leaning over the counter.

"Vegan poisons," Nico said, smiling crookedly. "So you can die according to your diet."

Piper stuck her tongue out at Nico who returned the gesture.

"Now, now, my muses, no need for such aggressive behavior!" Jason said dramatically. It was so rare for Jason to joke about anything that Nico and Piper laughed out of shock. Jason leaned in and kissed Piper. Nico looked away until they were finished. Jason jogged out of the room to get showered and dressed.

"Please do call Leo, Nico." Piper said, smiling softly. "Jason gets really worried when we're out for too long."

"I will," Nico said, surprised at Piper's words. "I promised him that I would." Nico sighed. "I wish he wouldn't baby me so much."

"It's not babying, Nico. He cares about you." Piper picked at the end of her sweater.

"Well sometimes he smothers," Nico pretended to complain. He loved when Jason smothered him. His whole life, no one had given him too much thought. Jason over-thought when it came to Nico. It was freeing in a sort of way. Nico felt swaddled, not smothered.

Piper pursed her lips but smiled anyway.

"Well it's good that you have a friend, Nico."

"He's kind of my friend. I don't really have friends." Nico shrugged. "I mean, I have you guys and I can hang out with you guys but... friends tell friends everything... secrets or whatever. I just kind of... exist around you all."

"You can tell us anything, Nico." Piper's phrase sounded automatic to Nico. Anything wasn't necessarily anything. He couldn't tell Piper anything at all. If Piper found out about Nico's crush on Percy, the first person to know about it would be Annabeth Chase. The only person he felt comfortable with was Jason, and that was only after he was _forced_ to be open with him. Nico sighed and figured that now was as good a time as any to hit up Leo.

* * *

"Ay, di Angelo!" Leo said on the other end of the phone. Leo had set up a sort of telephone system in the apartment buildings so they would be able to call each other safely. Nico could hear the obnoxious sounds of some video game being played in the background. He sighed. He heard another male voice exclaim. Percy. Nico's stomach did a sort of wriggle, but he pushed it aside.

"While the lovebirds are going on their double date can I come over to your place?"

"Am I babysitting you again?" Leo teased. Nico grimaced. Leo loved reminding Nico how he was younger than him, even if it was only by a year.

"Holy shit. Fine. I won't come over. I'll see what Frank is doing," Nico grumbled.

"Calm down, bones, I'm serious-- come ON! That was a cheat move! Don't-- Jackson!" Leo laughed. Nico groaned, pressing his face into the couch pillow.

"Non riesco a credere alla merda ho ad affrontare quotidianamente," Nico grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. Leo shouted,

"Hey! I heard that mierda, di Angelo! Tú no me dice palabrotas!"

"Shut up, Leo," Nico sighed. "I'm coming over right now."

"I'm waiting on tenterhooks," Leo muttered distractedly as a burst of laughter exploded from Percy. "THAT WAS BLATANT CHEATI--"

Nico hung the phone up, sighing. He liked Leo. He was really good at distracting Nico of his problems. Nico suspected that Leo was so good at it because he'd been running from his own problems his whole life. If there was anyone more closed off than Nico di Angelo it was Leo Valdez. You couldn't step ten words into a serious conversation about the boy's past without having him turn some joke out of his pocket.

Nico stood up and stretched, the waistband of his pajama pants sliding down a bit. He scratched his stomach and turned to change into something presentable. He found Jason standing in a towel, his brows furrowed and his eyes locked hard on Nico.

"What?" Nico said, alarmed by Jason's reaction.

Jason shook his head, smiling. "You sound excited to visit Leo."

Nico rolled his eyes and followed Jason into the bedroom. "I'm never excited to hang out with anybody." He rustled through his drawers and retrieved a fresh pair of jeans, stepping out of his pajama pants and sliding them on quickly.

"We hang out all the time," Jason protested, pulling a shirt on.

"We don't hang out, we sit in silence in the same room while you do your shit and I peruse the internet. It's not exactly the same experience."

Jason made a noncommittal noise. Nico pulled a shirt over his head and left the room, hoping that by the time Nico reached Leo's room that Percy was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Of course he wasn't.  They were no longer playing video games, but Percy was still lounging on the couch. Coincidentally, that was about the only space in Leo's two-roomed apartment that wasn't covered in lug nuts or oil cloths. They were talking idly about something when Nico walked in.  They waved at him passively, continuing whatever conversation they were having before.

"I have no idea why you're trying to defend those movies to me," Leo shook his head, rummaging around the kitchen and throwing food together.

"The transformers movies are great! Come on, explosions? Alien robots? Megan Fox?" Percy said, smiling. Leo groaned and turned around pointing his butter knife at Percy.

"I'm talking about _good_ movies, not movies that excite a viewer with cheap tropes! Megan Fox on that bike was hot, yeah, the explosions make you excited, sure, but they're all distractions from the gaping plot holes and untold stories throughout the movies!"

"Dude, you can't even sit through a whole movie, how would you even know?" Percy chuckled. Leo grunted and turned back to his sandwich.

"Hey, bones." Leo grumbled. "Need some grub?"

"No, I just made breakfast for Jason and Piper."

"And what, you ate a whole pancake?" Leo teased.

" _And_ two pieces of turkey bacon, thank you very much." Nico said, plucking an olive from the jar in Leo's hand and continued into the living room. He sat next to Percy on the couch, and Percy smiled at Nico. Nico swallowed the olive, spitting the pit at Percy. Percy didn't swat it away in time and it hit him right between his eyebrows.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for some double date that Piper won't stop talking about?" Nico murmured. Percy blew air out of his mouth, causing the fringe of his hair to flutter irritably. He slouched down the couch.

"I don't like going on 'dates' or anything. They're so... they're just. Ugh," Percy grumbled. "I like solo dates with Annabeth. But going with Piper and Jason... Piper's always trying to catch dating tips. Its horrible."

Nico rolled his eyes. "So then say no."

Percy groaned and stamped his feet while sliding down further on the couch. "I can't just say no," he whined like a toddler. Nico stared at him with no amusement. This was it. _This_ was the man that he was desperately in love with. Nico closed his eyes and suppressed a sigh.

Leo threw a tennis ball at Percy and it hit him squarely on the chest. Percy slid to the ground dramatically, groaning as he fell, sprawled out on the rug.

"There is no way I am allowing you complain about having the world's best relationship, you ass." Leo said, sitting in an armchair. He started eating his sandwich.

"Ugh," Percy groaned. "Leo, how could you do that? I thought we were friends!" He put the back of his hand on his forehead. "Nico! Nico is that you?" He coughed. Nico refused to hold in his sigh.

"Percy."

"Nico, I've been hit. Cuh, cuh. Go on without me!"

"Alright," Nico shrugged, crossing his legs.

"You dick!" Percy sat up on his elbows, glaring at Nico with a grin. "I've been betrayed by my lieutenant and now the co-captain has turned on me too? Gods forgive them!"

"I don't wanna hear you complain about your great relationship either," Nico said. "I was just wondering why you weren't preparing for it."

"Uh? Because I don't want to go?" Percy said, putting his hands behind his head and laying back down on the floor.

"Oh--!" Leo said, mid-bite. "I got a task for you. The basement to this apartment building... My scanners caught a huge amount of energy, probably magic in there, but I couldn't get it open. There was a little trident over the doorknob though, so I'm pretty sure that you'll be able to get in there."

"Sweet," Percy jumped to his feet. "I'm gonna go check that out now." He grabbed his bag and looked back at Nico, his eyes desperate. "If I don't make it back...." Nico frowned, waiting for Percy to be finished with his stupid dramatic pause. "Hit Leo with tennis balls for me, won't you, Nico?"

Nico flushed red, reached down to pick up the tennis ball and hurled it at Percy. Percy yelped and ducked, the ball missing him. He laughed and closed the door behind him.

Leo laughed, licking some sauce off of his fingers, wiping his face with a napkin.

"So it's just you and me tonight, di Angelo?"

Nico shrugged, picking the ends of his sweater. Leo put his plate down and picked up the controller for the video game and chose something called Netflix.

"Wanna watch a movie? I've been catching up on Breaking Bad, but I don't want to start it from the beginning and if you want to watch it I'm not gonna spoil you."

"Leo, we go through this every single time," Nico's exasperation was tinged with a soft laughter. "I don't give two shits what we do."

"Fine! Wanna resurrect our dead relatives and skinny dip in the River Styx?"

Nico smirked. "Been there. Percy did the second one. Only he... had clothes on." Nico said uncomfortably. Leo raised his eyebrows.

"You resurrected someone who was dead? I mean-- not Hazel, she doesn't count."

"I didn't succeed, but I know how to." Nico shrugged. "It's incredibly dangerous and really disrupts the balance of things."

"And... when did you do this?" Leo said nervously.

"Four or so years ago."

"But that would make you eleven!" Leo said.

"This may come as a shock to you, Valdez." Nico said, obviously mock-serious. "But I am quite the troubled youth."

Leo snorted. "Aren't we all, though?"

"Nah," Nico said. "Jason's too well adjusted. Us damaged goods have to pull him down a notch."

"How's rooming with Mr. Perfect?" Leo said, still scrolling through Netflix. Nico thought about it. Leo was technically Jason's best friend. Jason promised that he would keep Nico's secret, but Nico couldn't deny Leo's deductive skills.

"It has its perks." Nico said eventually. Leo snorted.

"You got more balls that I do, man. I can't be around him for more than 18 hours straight, I'd die from the inferiority complex."

"Being around all of you makes me feel inferior, Jason's not the max or anything." Nico brushed aside. Leo looked at Nico and frowned. He leaned back in the chair and put the controller down.

"So you wanna tell me why Jason insists that I babysit you?"

Nico actually cracked a wide smile at this.

" ‘It's not _babysitting_ ,’ " he whined in a high-pitched imitation of Jason's voice. " ‘I just want to make sure you're alright when I'm gone.’ He fusses."

"What do you mean alright?" Leo frowned. A spasm of panic rippled through Nico before he forced himself to calm down. Short version, short version.

"I have panic attacks. Tartarus really messed me up." There. That's all he needs to know. Nico refused to look Leo in the eye. Leo didn’t seem convinced and Nico could hardly imagine that he would be. Trust Leo to know when to drop a subject, though.

“So are you more into Thrillers or Zombies?”

Nico sighed and rolled his eyes. He curled up on the couch and stared balefully at the TV.

“Let’s see how realistic the Zombies are, then.” Nico said, waving his hand. Leo smiled.

“The Walking Dead it is.”

* * *

Hanging out with Leo was always easy, until Leo insisted on talking about girls and machines. He talked about girls the same way one usually talked about a difficult philosophical problem, and he talked about machines the way one usually talked about girls.  Nico could participate nothing to either conversations, and gave up pretending to be interested months ago. Percy never returned and Nico thought that Annabeth caught him and made him get ready for whatever adventures the four of them would be having in New York City.

          “But seriously, if I could just... get in a relationship with one, I might understand how to figure them out--”

          “Girls are people, Leo,” Nico sighed, saying this for the hundredth time. “Not machines. You can’t figure them out because they’re all different.”

          “That’s not fair, then, how am I supposed to get one?”

          “By treating them like people and not prizes? There’s no trick, because they are all _literally_ different people.”

          “So what, you know a lot about girls? What with your long history of relationships?” Leo snorted. Nico’s heart flipped.

          “Just because I’ve never been in a relationship doesn’t mean I don’t know about girls,” Nico grumbled, flipping through a sketchbook that Leo left lying around. He was a pretty good artist when it came to technical drawings.

          “Man, I’m so done with girls. I’m throwing in the towel. Being gay would be so much easier.”

          Nico’s mind spasmed as he forced himself not to react. _King of Pokerface,_ he thought, _King of_ _Pokerface_.

          “No, it’s probably a lot harder to be gay,” he said with an attempt at ease, still flipping through Leo’s sketchbook slowly without looking at the drawings. “Guys are just as stupid as girls, probably more so. And the whole... you know, hate crime thing.”

          “Ugh,” Leo grumbled as the episode came to an end. “Mexican and gay would not be a good mix, you’re right. But girls, man. I don’t get them.”

          “You don’t get girls because you don’t get people. Don’t be sexist.” Nico murmured. “There’s nothing to get.”

          “Okay, okay, chill.” Leo said. He scratched his stomach a bit before he switched the screen to the video game that he and Percy were playing before Nico arrived. “Yo, who do you think would be the gayest one in our group?”

          “What?” Nico frowned, a little offended. “What do you mean ‘the gay one’ like, a sidekick or some bullshit?”

          “No... jeez dude, just... the one topping the Kinsey scale or something,” Leo’s voice was tentative.

          “What’s the Kinsey Scale?” Nico sighed, regretting entering this conversation.

          “The gay-meter basically. Goes zero through six. Zero being Straighter than a board and six being as straight as a rainbow slinky.”

          Nico snorted, his heart still pounding in his chest anxiously.

          “Uh, I don’t know. They gayest would be probably Piper.” Nico said, shaking his head. In all honesty, he didn’t think that any of the seven were anything other than one hundred percent heterosexual, and he’d never given it much thought. He threw out a name at random. Leo nodded thoughtfully.

          “Give me ratings on each of them. Like... I’m pretty sure Pipes would be a 3. Like, right smack in the middle. She’s too pretty for one set of genitals.” Leo barked a laugh at his own joke as he fixated on the racing game in front of him.

          “No way, she’s much straighter than that,” Nico said, watching Leo’s car do a flip. “She’s in a relationship with Jason, isn’t she?”

          “So? That doesn’t mean she can’t crave a little lady lovin’ now and again.” Leo grimaced. “Okay, it’s weird to talk about Piper that way, she’s like a sister.”

          “You started this stupid conversation,” Nico muttered.

          “Yes and I’m determined to finish it! Percy’s a four, no doubt about it.” Leo nodded. Nico’s mind and body did strange things. His heart skipped and breath left his lungs for a second.

          “He’s with Annabeth,” Nico said, trying to hide the breathlessness. “He’s in an endgame relationship with Annabeth, Percy’s not a four, he’s a one and a half at best--”

          “You have _not_ heard the dude go on about Robert Downey Junior and Hugh Jackman.” Leo laughed. “Percy is a four if I ever saw one.”

          “Well you obviously haven’t,” Nico said seriously. He could barely shut his mind up. This was Leo. Leo knew next to nothing about social interactions and took apart his friends in his mind like a robot to be understood. What would he know about things like sexuality?

          “Rate me, then, on the scale,” Leo said excitedly. Nico gave a start.

          “Six.”

          “You liar, try again.”

          “What the hell, Leo, what do you want me to say? I didn’t think anyone was anything but straight, I just don’t think about these things.”

          “Three as can be.” Leo winked. “I don’t know about you but I appreciate dudes alright, I just don’t think I’d work in a relationship with them any more than a relationship with a girl, you know what I mean?”

          “No, I have no idea.”

          “And you--” Leo said, Nico’s breath catching dead in his throat. “I’m pretty sure you’re an X. No sexual drive at all.”

          “That’s not true!” Nico burst out angrily before thinking.

          “Woah, calm down, that’s not a bad thing, dude. Asexuals are cool as hell, don’t get all offended.” Leo said, laughing. “I can’t figure you out, so I’m going to assume that you don’t have a sexuality and that you are asexual.”

          “I--” Nico was stuck. He could say that he _did_ have a sexuality and face Leo’s questions. Or he could bow his head and let Leo spread around ideas that Nico was sexless.

          “I’m _not_ asexual. Try again.” Nico said finally, murmuring.

          Leo raised his eyebrows, paused his game and turned towards Nico in a joke sort of way, his hands on his lap as Nico flushed.

          “I would place you at about a nine on the Kinsey scale.” Leo said nodding, mock seriously. “Or, ‘so blatantly homosexual that it looks heterosexual’ I think it’s called.”

          Nico looked up sharply and saw the impish smile on Leo’s face, not at all judgmental. Nico felt his blood boil angrily at Leo's raised eyebrow and ease at which he spoke. Nico opened his mouth a few times before he finally trusted himself to speak.

          “How long have you known?”

          “Suspected, more like. Do you think I _really_ enjoy talking about girls so much? I thought you had a secret crush on one of the girls in the group, but you just got bored. So I formed a hypothesis and ran some experiments and wham bam, you acted as predicted.”

          “I’m not a lab rat.”

          “No, you’re a _gay_ lab rat.” Leo nodded. Nico flinched and looked away. He swallowed and shook his head.

          “Please don’t tell anyone, Leo. Jason knows and--”

          “Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold up, time out.” Leo’s hands formed a T. “Jason knows? Jason knows and he’s letting you _stay with him?_ ”

          Nico recoiled as though burned. “I’m not gonna convert him or anything.”

          “No!” Leo’s eyes widened when he realized his words. “No, oh fuck, no that was a bad choice of words-- what I mean is that-- I’m pretty sure that Jason’s a three and a half. And I’m pretty sure you’re exactly his type.”

          Nico rolled his eyes and laid back down on the couch.

          “Shut the hell up, Valdez, it’s not like that.”

          “It may not be like that for _you_ \--”

          “Shut the hell up, I said.”

          “When are you gonna realize--”

          “Leo, honest to god, shut the fuck up.” Nico growled. “It is not like that between Jason and me. I need him because he keeps the demons at bay. He’s the only person to see me shriek and claw at my skin and still smile at me the next day. He’s the only person who won’t take advantage of my pain. He’s-- He’s like a surrogate parent, from what I know about parents. I need him, Leo, and I don’t know how he feels about me, but don’t you _dare_ cheapen my relationship with him like that.”

          Leo’s smile had been wiped clean from his face. He looked down and away, chewing his lip.

          “Sorry, Nico,” Leo said. He sounded it too. Nico may have just told Leo too much. But Leo just pressed at Nico until Nico felt like a bucket that was filled with too much water. The pair sat in silence, a silence that felt separate and frigid, a silence that buzzed with negative energy and pressed them uncomfortably close. A silence so unlike his silences with Jason that it made Nico angry.

          “Don’t tell anyone.” Nico said his voice low. He stood and started walking to Leo’s bedroom. “Don’t tell anyone anything, or I will end you.”

          “No need to threaten me, dude. I respect your secrets if you’ll respect mine.” Leo said softly. Nico slammed the door to Leo’s bedroom and pushed all the junk off of Leo’s bed. He was curled up underneath sheets that smelled like oil and grease before Nico realized that Leo had come out as bisexual to Nico.


	4. Chapter 4

Nico woke up breathing in his own stale breath. He felt a weight on his hips-- a hand. Jason. He couldn't remember what happened or how he got here, but Nico was curled up beneath Jason's sheets in Jason's arms. By the slow, silent breathing, Nico could tell that Jason was awake.

          "Good morning, sunshine," Jason's voice rumbled low in his chest. Nico curled up tighter, groaning.

          "What time is it?"

          "Probably around 3 am," Jason said. Nico scooted up to come face to face with Jason. "I picked you up from Leo's room at midnight and we've been laying here ever since."

          "You carried me three flights?"

          "You were sleeping pretty soundly, and I didn't want to wake you up." Jason shrugged.

          "But why didn't you just drop me in here and sleep yourself?"

          Jason laughed through his nose. "Force of habit, I guess. "

          Nico paused, trying not to decipher Jason's words.

          "Tell me about the date, then." Nico turned around, pressing his back into Jason's chest and closing his eyes. Jason laughed out loud and twirled his hand in Nico's hair.

          "We went to this restaurant that Piper picked out, so obviously there was nothing there that any of us could eat." Jason clasped Nico's cold hand in his own warm one. "She kept asking Percy all these questions about ideas for a good anniversary presents and he would fake gag when Piper turned around. Piper is a bit much when it comes to relationships sometimes."

          "She really is," Nico said. "Props to you for dealing with it."

          "I'm not _dealing_ with anything, Nico, I really do like her." Jason's voice was soft.

          "I'm sensing a 'but' at the end of that sentence." Nico couldn't help but to recall what Leo had said about Jason's sexuality. Nico didn't like thinking about Jason being interested in him that way because it made this silent agreement different than Nico wanted it to be.

          "But..." Jason sighed. "I think she expects more from me. I feel like I'm not doing something that I should be in order to impress her."

          "Do you love her?" Nico's voice was gentle, questioning.

          Jason paused. "Why would you ask me that?"

          "I just want to know. If you love her, I want to know what it sounds like. I want you to describe what it feels like." Nico said. It was the truth. His feelings towards Percy fluctuated in a way that felt sick, and he wanted to know if this sickness was part of love, or if he was honestly messed up inside.

          "Well, I don't love her." Jason said softly. "Not yet, anyway. She's Piper-- She's beautiful, confident, strong... she's everything that I should want, right? I don't know what it is... but something.... " Jason sighed and pressed his face into the back of Nico's neck, making Nico shiver. Jason chuckled.

          "Well when you love her, let me know." Nico said.

          "As if it's an inevitability?"

          "Isn't it?"

          "No, not by a long shot. I could meet the love of my life tomorrow. I might have already met them."

          "Well, when you fall in love with whatever, let me know." Nico reprised, rolling his eyes. Jason bit Nico's shoulder hard and Nico hissed and hit Jason's head with his free hand. Jason laughed and settled further into the bed.

          "Do you think you're in love, Nico?"

          "Yeah," Nico mumbled. He tried to make out the different shapes in the darkness, but he could just barely recognize the bookshelf. "But I'm not sure."

          "Wanna tell me about it?"

          "I can't, really. Tartarus fucked up my emotions a-and... I don't know what I feel anymore when I look at him." Percy's smiling face swam in Nico's mind and he ducked his head into his arms to hold back the fear.

          "I just want to help you," Jason's voice held a twinge of a plead. "If you just told me what happened in Tartarus--"

          Nico felt his chest compress as the red landscape started slipping into his mind. He tried to catch his breath but found it impossible. The blackness of the room and the shapeless masses of the bookshelves melted and turned into nothing but white spots in his mind. He heard the voice-- he heard that voice crooning and telling him to sleep, telling him to give up. God, oh god oh _christ_ \-- Nico turned around, hyperventilating, clutching desperately on Jason's shirt. He heard Jason's voice from far away, begging for Nico to calm down and telling Nico that everything would be just fine.

          Nico felt limp, he felt dizzy. The lights turned on and the room came to a blurry picture, but Nico didn't care to make it out. He was going to die and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Jason's face swam in his vision and oh god, he was going to die right here in Jason's arms. The pace of his breathing continued as he cried out, begging to make it stop-- his mind was on fire, his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and the horrors, the horrors filled Nico to the brim. They were a part of him now, every terrible thing that happened in the pit was a part of him. He was sick. He was disgusting. His fault-- everything his fault--

          _Smack._ "LISTEN TO ME!" Jason's voice pierced Nico's spiral and Nico forced himself to look at Jason in the eye.

          "I wasn't there, and I'm sorry!" Jason said. "But you're not in the pit anymore! You're here! You're right here and you're with me, alright?" Nico's hands shook and he felt himself crying, aching to pull himself out of it. He bit his lip and tried to stabilize his breathing. Jason breathed deep and exhaled slowly, urging Nico to do the same. Nico tried. Nico took five breaths for every one of Jason's, but Jason continued, making sure Nico looked deep into his bright blue eyes.

          "I--can't--Jason, I can't!" He cried, falling limp again, his fingers curled into his palms from too much oxygen. "I'm--Pass--passout-- die-- going to--"  
          "I will not let you die, stupid!" Jason said firmly. "Look at me! Breathe along with me. We can do this, Nico. Please. Come on."

          Nico tried again, this time with more success. He felt his breath slow along with his mind. Tartarus had been locked away in that vault that Nico didn't dare tread again. He closed his eyes and allowed Jason to sit him up against the wall. Jason's eyes held so much concern, as Nico rounded his shoulders and concentrated solely on his breathing.

          "I'm so sorry, Nico," Jason whispered, so painfully. "If I hadn't pushed, I--"

          "You're right though," Nico's voice was weak. "If... if I talk about it, I may get rid of it. But not yet, Jason, I'm sorry. Not yet."

          Jason nodded fervently and took Nico in his arms. Nico softened once again and breathed in Jason's scent. This was where he felt safe. If he had Jason's arms, he would be okay.

* * *

  
          The next day was Saturday and being Saturday, everyone piled into Frank's apartment to eat breakfast. It was an unspoken invitation and was always met with enthusiasm. Everyone needed to come together by the end of the week so they could all talk about their average adventures. Nico sat on the counter of the kitchen as his sister whipped around it, stirring eggs and pouring batter.

          "You look like two people," Nico smiled.

          "It would be easier if I was two people," Hazel said, wiping her forehead and leaving a bit of flour on it.

          "I offered my help--"

          "But you don't do things right!" Hazel sighed, pulling the rolls out of the oven. She liked to top the rolls with a dash of cinnamon and sugar because she said it made the butter taste better.

          "I do things just fine, Levesque." Nico eyed the rolls before deciding they were definitely way too hot. "I think you just like having a lot on your plate."

          "Ha, ha." she rolled her eyes at the joke. Just then, someone knocked on the door. Frank got up from meditating and opened the door.

          "I heard the oven go off. Please tell me it was Hazel's rolls." Leo stepped over the threshold and looked into the kitchen expectantly. "Oh, hey bones."

          "Hey, motorhead."

          "Ah, yes," Leo said, sliding over to the rolls, "So delicious--" his hand was slapped with the spatula by a cross-looking Hazel.

          "They're too hot, Valdez, don't you dare touch one until breakfast is ready."

          "But my breakfast _is_ ready, look at them all!" Leo complained. Knocks on the door. Frank rolled his eyes and opened it.

          "I'm ready for some pancakes. Do you got the pancakes Frank?" Percy's voice came from the door and Nico heard Frank laugh in response.

          "I don't have anything until Hazel lets me."

          "So Hazel has the pancakes then. Yes."

          "What is with you boys and waiting for your food? We said 10, not 9:30, the food's not ready yet!"

          "Yes it is, the rolls are right there!"

          "Ugh!" Hazel yelled. "Get _out_ of my kitchen, everyone get out!!" Nico hopped down and dragged Leo, whining, along with him. Frank, Leo, Percy and Nico all sat in the living room. There was a smattering of Hazel's books and unfinished paintings lying around with most of Frank's bows and buddhist figures.

          "You guys need to stop stressing her out, it's going to kill me one day," Frank said, patting his hair down.

          "Come on, Frank, her being angry with you? That's like being angry at a puppy. Literally, sometimes." Percy said, shaking his hair a little bit so it looked messier. Nico tried to look away, but found that he couldn't. Percy's hair always fell in a way around his face that made him look like it had just dried.

          "I could be angry at a puppy if that puppy took my roll," Leo complained, still looking at the kitchen wistfully.

          "You mortals and your need to consume food to survive," Nico shook his head. "This is why you should all just join the undead, like I did."

          Leo laughed. "I couldn't eat the way you do. Bird Stomach di Angelo. It has a ring to it."

          "No it doesn't," Percy laughed.

          "I'm working on an empty stomach myself, cut me some slack," Leo said, flopping on the floor.

          "Why didn't Jason come down here with you?" Percy said to Nico. Nico flushed and hated himself for it. Percy looked at him casually, easily, they had known each other for years, and those beach-green eyes looked at him with a gentle laughter. It made Nico want to curl up at his feet.

          "He... he wakes up late," Nico said, tearing his eyes away from Percy. "He's not exactly a morning person. I told him that I was leaving for Frank's, but he just sort of grunted in response. I'll bet anything that Piper is the one to wake him up."

          "Gods help that girl," Frank said shaking his head. "He's a handful, I'm sure of it."

          "Probably." Nico shrugged. "He's pretty easy to live with, though."

          "If you say so." Frank snorted. "Then again, I'm difficult to live with so..."

          Someone knocked on the door and Frank stood to answer it. Percy looked over at Nico and Nico looked up for a second at Percy. Bad idea. Percy smiled at him-- one of those corny, full-toothed smile that was obviously over-done and a joke, but showed how silly and ridiculous the person was. Percy did this for half a second, laughed at himself and looked at the newcomer. Nico's head swam for a moment.

          "Oh, hey, Annabeth," Percy said, looking at Annabeth with that same sloppy smile he always did. They kissed before Annabeth sat next to Percy.

          "So what are we talking about?"

          "Ooh! I got one." Frank said, his eyes lighting up. "If you had to pick an apocalypse situation, what would you pick? Like... zombie apocalypse, aliens invading-- that kind of stuff."

          Everyone frowned at him, Leo even raised himself to his elbows to stare incredulously at the big guy.

          "W...what?" Frank said.

          "Man, we just spend a good year and a half preventing the apocalypse. My whole demigod life has been an attempt to belay the apocalypse. I do _not_ want an apocalypse!" Percy laughed a little. "I appreciate your creativity, Frank Zhang, but I'm gonna pass."

          "But what if the world was flooded? And there was an even greater surface area of water than land?" Frank pointed out.

          Percy considered this. "Maybe. Still not thrilled about the whole 'world ending' thing."

          "Well I'd want the world to end with zombies probably. That would be fun, you'd get target practice every day."

          "That's horrible, you realize that those are just sick people, right? They're all people, just sick." Annabeth said.

          "No they're not, they're zombies!" Frank said. "There's a difference!"

          "Okay, then how did they become zombies?" Percy asked.

          "They came back from the dead." Frank said, crossing his arms.

          "How did they come back from the dead?" Nico tilted his head and leaned against the couch. "Was Hades involved? Is this like when you freed Thanatos?"

          "Yeah, what if Hazel was one of those Zombies!" Percy said.

          "Oh gods, you guys are impossible," Frank grumbled.

          "I heard that, Jackson!" Hazel yelled from in the kitchen. "Don't make me sabotage your pancakes!"

          "I didn't say anything!" Percy said, trying to sound innocent. A plastic measuring cup whizzed from the kitchen and hit Percy squarely on the back of his head, bouncing off with a hollow _pip_ noise. Percy flinched, rubbing his shaggy head. Everyone laughed.

          Knocks at the door again, and Frank hopped up to answer it.

          "My apocalypse situation is easy. Robots take over the world, obviously." Leo said, bringing the attention around to him. "It would be the easiest bit."

          "Not fair, we'd have to rely on you," Nico said.

          "That's the point! Leo Valdez in charge, you need a leader of the rebellion? Come to cabin nine, we got your back."

          "But the real question is," Jason said joining the group. "Would you rebel in a world run by robots in the first place?"

          "Oh," Leo frowned. "good point."

          "He'd probably try and make himself half-man, half-robot." Piper laughed.

          "He'd probably start the apocalypse," Frank smirked.

          "Hey, no fair, this is my AU," Leo grumbled lying back down.

          "What about you, Nico?" Frank said. Nico thought for a moment, trying hard to ignore the eyes on him, especially the pair of green ones that clouded his mind.

          "Probably... plague. No zombies, nothing like that. Just a plague. One that strikes randomly and without cause. There's no cure, you have to have the natural defenses to fight it off. Man devolves into a series of tribes again."

          "That's gross, what happens to all the bodies then?" Frank said.

          "What happened to them in your zombie apocalypse?"

          "Oh," Frank put a finger to his chin.

          "You are not throwing your dead human bodies into my ocean, Nico." Percy smirked at Nico. The way Percy said his name sent a chill up Nico's spine, and as always, Nico could hardly tell if it was a good or bad chill.

          "Is someone gonna set this table or are you all just gonna sit around talking about the end of the world?" Hazel called irritably from the kitchen. Leo laughed and Nico snorted. They both stood to set the table and calm Hazel.


	5. Chapter 5

 The conversation continued all the way through breakfast and afterwards. It was such a nice feeling, sitting around making light conversation with people who considered you their friends. It also helped that Percy sat next to Nico during breakfast, even though Jason usually did. They all sat around the table, Leo heatedly talking about cars with Jason, Annabeth chiming in to mention something a few times and Hazel shaking her head over the internalized computers that came in most cars now a days. Percy leaned over to Nico, muttering,

          "It's like they're speaking a completely different language."

          Nico covered his mouth, laughing softly. "Let me pull out my machines-to-english dictionary. Maybe I'll understand finally what a 'carburetor' is."

          "Does that dictionary come with a Leo off switch?" Percy muttered. Nico covered his mouth with both hands, trying not to laugh too hard.

          "It's a dictionary, Percy, not a miracle." Nico felt Percy's name sit on his tongue like a peppermint.

          "Maybe that's what a carburetor does. Maybe that's what they're hiding from us. Conspiracies everywhere, man, I'm telling you."

          "What are you two chuckling about?" Jason said, looking over at them suspiciously. Nico shook his head, his face red.

          "N-nothing," Nico gasped, laughing.

          "Chinese politics." Percy nodded. "The DOW Jones. The GDP of Turkmenistan."

          "Shut up," Leo said. "You're filled with shit."

          "Yeah, but it was Hazel's delicious breakfast first so it can't be all _that_ bad."

          "Eugh!" Hazel said, screwing up her face. "I'm going to pretend you didn't insult my cooking that way."

          "I didn't insult anything!" Percy said, his face bewildered. "I said delicious, didn't I? My body's just digesting it, just as Leo so pleasantly pointed out--"

          "You're digging yourself into a deeper hole, you know." Annabeth pointed out. "Just shut up, seaweed brain."

          "If you insist." Percy rolled his eyes. Percy turned to Nico and made a stupid face with his tongue sticking out before turning back to Annabeth and nodding seriously. Nico couldn't contain his laughter now and it left him in little bubbles.

          "God, Nico your laugh is adorable." Frank stated, smiling. Nico stuck his tongue out at Frank, unable to contain his giddiness. It was as though Nico didn't have a panic attack just the night before.

          "Anyway, I want you to come into the city with me this afternoon." Nico heard Annabeth say.

          "Actually...." Percy said, dropping his arm around Nico and pulling him over in a quasi-headlock. "Nico and I already have plans!"

          "Plans?" Annabeth raised a skeptical brow. "What plans?"

          "He's been begging me to take him fly-fishing." Percy said as Nico pushed Percy's arm off of him. Nico's heart was racing, his smile ridiculous.

          "...Fly fishing." Annabeth said.

          "Yep. Didn't I promise you Nico?"

          "Don't bring me into this," Nico said, his face hot.

          Annabeth rolled her eyes and looked over Percy's shoulder at Piper.  
          "Will you come with me, then Piper?" Annabeth sighed. Piper nodded, chuckling.

          "Piper comes to save the day again, no big deal," she said, flipping her hair.

          Percy glanced at Nico out of the side of his eye and winked. Nico swore to the gods that his heart stopped for five full seconds. Percy stretched, standing up.

          "Well, now's a good time as ever to go learn how to fly-fish, eh Nico?"

          "What?" Nico snorted.

          "Clear off your plate." Hazel said.

          "Weird, I thought my mom's name was Sally Jackson instead of Hazel Levesque."

          Hazel stared Percy down with a golden glare at which Percy rolled his eyes and gathered up his and Nico's empty plates with one hand and dragging Nico with the other hand to the kitchen.

          "I don't even _like_ fish, you dumbass," Nico chuckled once they were out of earshot from the chatting group in the next room.

          "How about we hang out in my room instead?" Percy said, quirking an eyebrow. Nico's smile faltered a bit as he blinked in surprise.

          "What do you want to hang out with me for?"

          Percy shrugged one shoulder. "I feel like you're the only person I don't really know too well in this group. And I've known you pretty long, you know?"

          "That's the way I like it," Nico said, his excitement ebbing and his eyes turning downwards.

          "I'm not asking you to open your soul up, dude, I just wanna play Assassin's Creed or something." Percy nudged Nico's arm. "Please? Please. Please. Please, Nico." Percy stuck out his lower lip and tried to catch Nico's eyes by angling his head down to Nico's eyesight. "Please, Nico oh, please oh please oh please--"

          "Fine! God, if it'll shut you up!"

          Percy smiled, his eyes shining. He grabbed the corner of Nico's elbow and pulled him towards the door.

          "If we're not back in a week and a half, the monsters probably ate us!" Percy called. "Also, damn you guys for waiting a whole week and a half, though."

          "Get out of my apartment!" Frank shouted, laughing.

          "Say no more, praetor." Percy shut the door and pulled Nico along with him down the hallway, half running towards the elevator.

          "I don't even like video games, I suck at them." Nico sighed.

          "So learn not to suck at them," Percy insisted. "How else are we supposed to bond? Swapping stories of traumatic experien...ce...s..." Percy's face deflated and Nico looked around in alarm, surprised by his sudden change of demeanor. The elevator arrived and the two of them stepped in the elevator, Percy suddenly quiet. He pushed the fifth floor with his thumb.

          "Percy...?" Nico said quietly. "Percy, what's wrong?"

          "I..." He took a shuddering breath in. "I guess it was kind of subconscious, then, asking you to come up here with me."

          "Percy, you're being vague." Nico sighed. Percy fell silent and waited for the elevator to stop, stepping out at the fifth floor. A few people entered the elevator as Nico and Percy walked out. Percy's hands shook a little bit as he unlocked his door, and Nico seriously began to worry. What was wrong with him?

          "Percy, what the hell is wrong with you?" Nico said, genuinely concerned.

          "Nothing immediate." Percy smiled, though his eyes looked a little fragile. He sat down on the couch and said gently, "Last night, I had... I had a panic attack."

          Nico's body felt cold, his mind stopped whirling in confusion. He knew what happened. He knew what was going on.

          "Me too," Nico said, his voice raw.

          "Tartarus," Percy whispered, his eyes closed. Nico was only able to nod. Percy opened and closed his mouth a few times before composing himself and looking up at Nico. Nico sat down stiffly next to Percy on the couch. Jason wasn't here if he started to flashback. He swallowed. Percy was here though. Would Percy hold him? Would he _want_ Percy to hold him?

          "Annabeth, she..." Percy said, painting over the silence. "I can't tell her these things. Ever since... we've been... it's like this barrier between us."

          "Oh," Nico said. It was all he could say. He focused on his breathing. Steady. In and out. He was safe. He was alright.

          "N-Nico?" Percy said from the end of a tunnel. "Are you-- Oh... fuck, I'm so sorry--" Percy said, eyes wide. "I'm-- That was selfish of me, I didn't mean to-- fuck--"

          "I'm alright," Nico said, looking up into Percy's eyes before wincing. "I'm-- I'm fi--" Nico's stomach turned as he gagged on Hazel's breakfast.

          "God, Nico, I'm so sorry, I should've... I should've warned you or something--"

          "I'm okay, Percy, I'm really okay," Nico said, closing his eyes and righting the world. Backwards from 10.

          "Is there anything I can do to help? Do you need a hug?"

          Nico should've said no. He should've tried to get over it himself. He should've reminded himself that Percy was with Annabeth. But Nico felt selfish. Nico nodded and Percy wrapped his arms around Nico.

          Instantly the world righted itself. Percy smelled like the sea. He was warm and comforting, he was salty and caring. Percy hugged him on that couch and it hurt even more when he knew that he meant nothing to Percy. But this hug. Nico clutched onto the back of Percy's shirt and let his mind drift. When he ran away from Camp Half-Blood the first time, he visited the sea. He smoked cigarettes in silence and went to the Virginian Sea. He was eleven years old and he cried, he cried every time he visited the sea. He'd have conversations with it, as though Percy could hear him. It was only until he actually visited Percy on his birthday that Nico realized what those feelings really meant. 

          Nico buried his nose into Percy's chest and felt Percy lean his cheek against the top of Nico's head. "I bet you think I'm weak," he murmured.

          "I would never think that," Percy's voice was so quiet, Nico had to strain to hear it. "Never. You got through by yourself. You survived."

          "Only to be captured immediately." Nico's laugh was hollow.

          "You're so strong," Percy whispered. "God, I couldn't... I could hardly imagine--"

          Nico pushed Percy away finally, wrapping his arms around himself.

          "Don't." Nico said, his voice trembling a bit. "Don't praise me for things you don't understand."

          Percy opened his mouth to say something, but closed it. He settled eventually for a smile and went to go turn the TV on. He sat back on the couch and tentatively put a hand on Nico's shoulder.

          "Let's just do nothing, okay? I'm sorry for... bringing it up."

          "No you're... you're right. I really needed to tell someone about it."

          "Not if you're not ready to." Percy shook his head. "Look, let's just... let's just watch tv. Let's just talk about light stuff. I don't want either one of us to fall into a panic attack."

          Nico smiled for Percy's sake and curled up at one end of the couch, nodding. "Okay."

* * *

 

          Nico sat and listened to Percy talking about things, his attention drifting away a few times to watch the show on TV.

          "I mean, you'd think he'd have some common decency to go along with it but, nope, Leo's got to have things his own way sometimes." Percy chuckled. "He's hilarious though."

          "Yeah," Nico agreed. He'd been thinking about his conversation with Leo yesterday afternoon. Leo had come out to him and found out Nico's sexuality in one swift motion. Nico didn't have time to talk to Leo about it, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Was he offering a hand of friendship? Nico considered Leo that silly guy who would never open up to anyone, not for any price. Leo didn't know how to interact with people any more than Nico did... and maybe Leo figured that out before Nico did. Nico realized just how similar he and the son of Hephaestus were... and maybe having friends would be a good thing for him.

          "Are you even listening to me?" Percy whined.

          "God, don't start that stupid whining thing again," Nico's smile was small.

          "Then pay attention to me....." Percy leaned against Nico, pressing his face against Nico's arm. Nico's stomach jolted. Nico didn't understand why Percy was so touchy lately, but he was alright with it, surprisingly. It was Percy.

          "I'll pay attention when you say something of interest to me." Nico shrugged.

          "That's not fair," Percy pouted.

          "So?"

          Percy rolled over and put his head in Nico's lap, sighing as he did so. "Do you want to hear the real truth, then Nico?"

          Nico would never get over the way that Percy's emotions made 180 degree turns. Maybe he was always hiding just under the surface. Maybe he was similar to Leo and Nico in that way. Nico pursed his lips, hesitating before giving into the urge to tangle his fingers in Percy's hair.

          "What's the real truth, Percy?"

          "I'm scared." He murmured. "I'm scared for a lot of reasons. I'm scared that I don't love Annabeth anymore. That this rift between us is something permanent. I'm scared that this is all an illusion that the pit created. I'm scared of..." He swallowed and turned his head away from Nico, still resting in his lap. "I'm scared of these feelings that I don't understand."

          Percy had always trusted people so immediately--but it wasn't even like that. Percy's voice was soft and delicate, as though he had through these words over and over again. He was tentative. He was letting Nico in. Nico didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to do. He just kept stroking Percy's hair, gleaning calmness from the silkiness of Percy's hair.

          "I don't know, Percy," Nico said finally. "I don't know too much about love to tell you what to do about Annabeth. I'm sure things will work out between you two." Nico's voice was dead. "You two are meant for each other, really."

          "No," Percy sat up, his eyes set. "That's the thing. I learned things about myself down there," Percy whispered. "I-- I thought about who I am and what I want from life... and she's the past. She's the past, and I love her but... I don't want to love only her. Nico, I--" Percy stopped, shaking his head. He was blushing. Nico's eyes were wide, his breath shallow. Leo's voice chimed in his head. _Percy's a four, no doubt about it._ Nico's mind whirled, his heart beating faster.

          "What-- what do you mean?" Nico treaded the conversation carefully.

          Percy's face was red with embarrassment and Nico wanted desperately to peer behind that mind and listen to his thoughts.

          "Have you ever thought about kissing a guy?" The words rolled out of Percy's mouth in a jumble, his blush creeping down his neck and his eyes pointedly looking away from Nico. "I--I mean-- Annabeth is great and she's-- She's m-my girlfriend and I love her but... what if... maybe--" Percy closed his eyes and tried to collect himself. Meanwhile, Nico had heard the words but couldn't really register them. Did he really say that? Did Percy Jackson really say that?

          "Don't tell anyone," Percy looked up finally, pleading. "I don't-- I don't want Annabeth to know. Not just yet." Nico didn't respond. Percy winced as though stung.

          "I bet you think it's disgusting, don't you? You think I'm disgusting. Fuck, I'm sorry-- I just thought, I mean, I just-- I'm sorry I--"

          Nico's brain picked up and he responded, shaking his head. "No! I don't think you're disgusting at all! I think you're wonderful! There's nothing wrong with that, there's... there's nothing wrong with that at all." Nico's voice trailed. Percy looked up at Nico hopefully, a shy smile spreading on his lips. It drove Nico insane. He felt an impulsive desire to dive into Percy's face and kiss him breathless. He wanted nothing more than this very moment to take Percy's face into his hands and crawl on top of him, taking him fully.

          Nico swallowed and forced those images away, a twinge of sharp anxiety following it. Nico felt a dull question lying in the back of his mind but it disappeared when Percy smiled at him.

          "Are you sure? You don't think I'm a freak?"

          "Absolutely not," Nico affirmed. "You're... you're great, Percy. I'm sure Annabeth would understand."

          Percy's smile faltered at Annabeth's name.

          "I don't know," Percy said. "I'm glad that I can talk to you about these things."

          "I don't know why you'd want to talk to me about these things."

          "I've tried to talk to Annabeth," Percy murmured. "No one else knows what Tartarus can do to you. No one else has been to the depths of hell like we have."

          Nico felt strangely comforted by this fact. Percy had been through what he'd been through. Percy knew what Tartarus looked like and may have even seen the same visions he'd seen. Maybe... Maybe he'd been visited by the same demons. Maybe Percy had similar hallucinations. Maybe he nearly tipped over the edges of insanity and came back trembling and feeling as alone as Nico did. Percy may look and talk like Percy on the outside... but maybe Percy had changed inside. Nico took Percy's hand and offered him a comforting smile.

          "You can tell me whatever you need to tell me. I'll listen. I promise."


	6. Chapter 6

          "So...." Jason said, grinning as Nico returned back from Percy's after dinner. "You've been down in Percy's room all day long. I want to hear about it."

          Nico was shaking, he collapsed at the front door. Jason's eyes widened and he rushed over to help Nico to stand.

          "What's wrong what's happened?'

          "I'm..." Nico's head was spinning, he felt his face trapped in a smile. "I feel sick, I feel good," he chuckled. Jason looked incredibly concerned.

          "Nico... Nico, what's happening?"

          Nico began giggling and his breathing sped up.

          "I'm calling Piper," Jason said, quickly. Nico couldn't understand what was happening. He felt good, he felt great. Percy had made him happy, happier than he he'd been in a while, but he brought back so many disturbing memories from Tartarus. The instant he was away from Percy, he felt them creeping back to him. He'd just made it back to Jason before they consumed him.

          And then Piper was there, swirling in his vision like she was behind a wall of water. Jason was chewing his lip. Piper spoke.

          "Nico, calm down."

          The charmspeak ripped through his consciousness and sliced at his soul like a hot blade. He screamed and thrashed out at Piper. His body filled with adrenaline, looking for a weapon, get away-- no-- don't _touch_ me--

          "NICO!" Piper screamed, dodging Nico's fists and legs. "Stop! _Now_!" The charmspeak forced his limbs to his sides but his panic heightnened. Charmspeak, charmspeak, god, the magic begged him to die. Nico could feel the magic trying to subdue and trap him. He felt surrounded, encased, forced. He would die. It was his life, but god, it was only Piper. He felt trapped, but it was Piper. He was safe, but the charmspeak, the charmspeak...

          "SHUT UP!!" Nico bellowed as Piper opened her mouth again. Jason stepped in front of Piper, holding Nico by the shoulders. Nico shook at his touch, his eyes wild like an animal trapped in a cage.         

          "Nico! Nico, look at me!" Jason demanded. No magic in his words. He could choose to disobey. Because of that, he obeyed. Jason's eyes were the open sky. Jason's eyes meant freedom and air. Nico 's breathing shuddered. He realized that he was crying, sobbing like a child. He couldn't control it.

          "Nico!" Jason's voice was harsh and authoritative. Nico tried to stop. He tried to listen. He cried harder. He heard himself saying words but he couldn't understand himself.

          "Nico," Jason's voice broke, a little softer. "It's okay. You're safe. You're here. Everything is alright. Listen to me. I'm here. It's me, It's Jason."

          Nico swallowed, wiping his nose. Jason. Fix on Jason. Nico gave himself up, letting his muscles fall limp. He felt cold. His whole body was covered in a slick sweat. He felt his surroundings solidifying. He felt exhaustion settling in. Nico opened and closed his mouth several times before words dribbled out of him.

          "Jason," Nico cried. "Jason, I'm sorry."

          "Don't you _dare_ apologize." Jason said. Nico realized that Jason was crying also. "I've never seen you like that. I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry."

          "Piper--" Nico said, his shoulders sagging. He was unable to look at her, embarrassed by his actions.` "I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry if--"

          "No!" Piper said. She covered her mouth and then said as though thinking every word through. "I'm sorry if I... brought back any memories... or... I'm sorry if I made it worse."

          "It's okay," Nico whispered. He turned his eyes back to the brilliant blue ones that drowned in tears. "Jason."

          "Yes?"

          "I want to tell you some of it. Please."

          Jason nodded. Nico felt burdened, he hadn't realized the weight that Tartaus placed on him, forced him to hold. He needed to give it away. He needed Jason to hear. Jason looked back to Piper, biting his lip. He wiped his eyes clear and opened his mouth, but she cut him off.

          "I understand. I'll go. I'm sorry I couldn't be more help," Piper wiped her nose. "Please feel better Nico."

          Nico nodded once. Piper saw her way out, the door clicking gently. Immediately, Jason hoisted Nico off of the ground in front of the door and carried him bridal style to the bathroom. Jason undressed the limp Nico, taking off his sweat-drenched shirt and pants as Nico sat listlessly, tears falling down his pale face. Nico sat in his briefs as Jason filled the bath with water. When Nico began shivering, Jason took him into his arms. He didn't know how Jason knew that he wanted a bath. He appreciated Jason, curling into his chest.

          "Why are you doing all of this for me?" Nico's voice was small.

          "I'm only doing this until you're able to do it for yourself. And I'm not having you lay in bed all sweaty like this."

          Nico almost smiled at him. The bathroom light wasn't on, but the living room light was, and the open door to the bathroom filled the space with a soft light. Jason offered up a gentle silence, scratching Nico's scalp the way he loved, and holding Nico protectively. When the tub was filled, Jason shut the tap off and covered his eyes as Nico slipped his briefs off with some difficulty before splashing ungracefully into the tub. The top of the bath was covered with white bubbles so when Jason leaned his head on the edge of the bath, Nico was concealed beneath.

          "Tell me," Jason's voice was a gentle demand. "Tell me about Tartarus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long to really introduce a semblance of plot, but I'm a sucker for exposition! It picks up after here, if only to deteriorate poor Nico's soul. Please review! I have no idea if people are liking it or not!


	7. Chapter 7

 

          When I was falling into Tartarus, it was actually a ridiculous feeling at first. Mainly I was in shock. Then I felt foolish. Then I felt unyielding horror. It was kind of funny to me, how dumb I'd been. I wanted to help. I always want to help when it comes to Percy. I saw my chance and I took it. Anything to be away from him, even if the Percy Jackson that showed up in New Rome didn't know who I was, I still didn't want to hang around him any longer than I had to.

          When I got close to the bottom, I was safer than I'd expected. I'd fallen through a shadow in the cavern and landed to one safely on the ground. It nearly drained me of every ounce of energy I had, but I was lying here at the bottom of the deepest, most terrifying places known to all of creation. And still, the panic didn't really register to me. Not yet anyway.

          Tartarus is vast. It goes so far that it seems to curve with the earth.

          "Well this really sucks," I groaned, rolling to my feet. At least I knew that shadow travel was more difficult in Tartarus. I took inventory. I had the seeds. I had my sword. I had half a square of ambrosia. That was it. I sighed and decided that I couldn't survive if I stayed still. I'm not going to be boring with all the aimless wandering I did those first few hours, but I will talk about my first monster encounter. I realized that if I shifted into a partial death trance, one where I was more ghost than human, the monster wouldn't notice me. That is, until, I looked around Tartarus.

          I saw him. I saw the blood and horror and terror that Tartarus truly was. The landscape was horrible but in this trance, I felt the whispers of an endless amount of monsters, past, present, future beings that wanted my body, my soul, my mind. It was the first time I really understood where I was. I don't think I knew what true horror was until I saw what Tartarus _was_. I breathed in the air and realized how quickly it was killing me. It was hard to kill me, being a son of Hades, but Tartarus was doing it silently. I came out of my trance and knelt at the Phlegethon, drinking the fire. I had done my research. I knew what would help me survive.

          There are three things that happened to me in Tartarus that I'm going to tell you about. Usually one big thing happens to me, one soul-shattering, insanity-inducing thing happens. Three of them happened to me. Well... two. This first thing I'm going to tell you is an image that Gaea sent to me. The other two are Tartarus's doing.

          After I drank from the Phlegethon, I curled up by what was probably not actually a rock formation, but I took it as so. I cried for hours and hours. My shift into a death trance had really terrified me. It whispered horror and made me feel more alone than I'd ever been in my entire life. I've always been alone. Friendless, no family. But there were always humans around. There was always at least one person I could look in the eyes and understand, even just a little bit. I was down with the monsters now. I was stuck here and all I could do was cry. Maybe if I was Percy... maybe if I was Reyna... if I was someone stronger, maybe I wouldn't have cried for so long. I figured that sitting there would just get me killed and began moving again. I felt like a little kid. Fuck, I still feel like a little kid, thinking back on this.

          I knew that I had to find the Doors of Death. I'd followed some monsters this way, and figured that they were heading towards them. It was the only shot I had to making it up to Percy. As soon as he got his memory back, he would despise me for keeping the camps a secret. My dad told me to, I had no choice but to obey.

          It had been maybe six hours down the River Phlegethon, twelve hours total since I'd dropped into the pit when Gaea found me. I don't know how, because I was beneath the earth, but she came to me, her body forming from the ground, her voice soft. Before I was able to react properly, she touched my face and I passed out.

          I was standing in a room looking at a woman who I knew to be my mother. Maria di Angelo. My heart filled with this warm feeling, one that I've heard attributed to familial happiness, but I'd never felt it before then. I felt tears spring to my eyes as I reached out to her. I had no memories of Tartarus, no idea that I was under the earth mother's control. All I knew was that my mother opened her arms to me and wanted me in them. Bianca was there too, her smile wide and her cap to the side. Percy came bounding down the stairs, followed by Hazel and Annabeth. Frank was sitting at our dining room table, sanding his bow. He smiled at me and waved. No one said anything, but I didn't find this odd.

          "Nico, welcome home," Maria said, kissing my forehead. "I made you cookies, il mio bambino." Bambino. She used to call me bambino a lot. I turned to go to the kitchen but Bianca stood in my way. She was frowning, blocking my path. I smiled at her, nervous. I tried to talk to her, but she only sneered at my words.

          "Bianca, what's wrong? What did I--"

          "Queer," she cussed at me. The warm feeling turned to a block of ice in my chest. No. I flinched and turned in fear to see if mama had heard. She looked at me, frowning. I turned back to Bianca in a panic.

          "Please, Bianca," I whispered. "I'm-- it's not--"

          She glared at me, her eyes hard. "Get out of here."

          "Nico, are you gay?" Percy spat across the room. My mother stood in the middle, the shock turning her eyes mad. I pleaded with them to stop, please stop, it wasn't true, I wasn't--

          "Don't try and lie," Annabeth said. Annabeth was smart. She didn't look up from her fingernails as she smirked. She draped her arms around Percy and saw right through me. "I've seen those thoughts you've had of my boyfriend. I know what you'd do if you had the chance." I begged for them to stop. They didn't listen. Bianca was the worst of them all.

          "I had to grow up around a piece of filth like you? I had to share a room with you. You disgusting, twisted, loathsome trash." Every word was a bullet to my heart, but I couldn't die. I was breathless, completely unable to speak, to defend myself. My mind spun as they continued their attacks.

          "We only pretended to accept you, you know," Percy said, staring me down, goading me to attack. "You're too fucking weird. No one wants you around. You're death. And now you're... you're this? God, good riddance."

          "I'd rather be dead than know that I've got a brother like you," Hazel hissed. "At least I wouldn't have to know of the shame."

          "Please!" I cried, finally finding my voice in a desperate rasp. It sounded weak even to my ears. "I can't help it, I've tried! I've tried so hard--"

          "Why don't you try killing yourself, then?" Percy hissed. "I'm sure that would be effective enough."

          My shoulders sagged, tears spilling down my face.

          "Percy," my voice broke. "I...I have but--"

          "Nico," Everyone went silent when my mother spoke. I looked at her, hoping, desperately hoping that she would accept me. At least her, right? I was her son. I had been part of her. "Please, leave my home. I can't be affiliated with someone such as yourself." It tore through me.

          "But I'm your son," I cried.

          "I have a daughter." She said, without meeting my eyes. Looking over my shoulder at my sister. "Her name is Bianca di Angelo. No one with my name would ever have such a disturbing affliction like yours. Please. Leave this home in peace."

          Somehow, her calm denunciation of me was worse than all of my friends' hatred combined. Her refusal to look me in the eye and her polite way of asking me to leave was worse than all of the knives in the world.

          I fell to my knees and pulled at the hem of her skirt. "Mama, è me, è il piccolo bambino, Nico--"

          She kicked me off as though I was a stray dog and left the room without looking at me again. Everyone followed her. I couldn't breathe for crying. I wanted to die a thousand deaths. My whole memory of her was wiped clean and I had spent years searching for a shred of her memory, I had betrayed friends and condemned myself to loneliness... and she left me. I heard the taught string of a bow being pulled and smelled the warm musk of Frank Zhang behind me.

          I calmed. The end was coming. I closed my eyes and whispered, "Make it quick."

          "Not on your life, you dirty faggot."

          His arrow pierced the back of my neck, just missing my spinal column. It was pain as I had never known it. It was agony without the quick release of death. I saw Frank's feet walk away and watched as my blood pooled beneath me. It was an odd sensation, seeing so much blood and knowing it to be my own. I could feel it, hot as soup as it trickled into my lungs and stained my shirt. My mind went hazy, but I felt a smile creeping up on my lips. I was going to suffocate to death. I would drown in my own blood.

          _It's better this way,_ I thought to myself. _Not one single person has ever loved you. It's better this way._

          When everything faded to white, I was lying next to the Phlegethon, The earth mother sitting in a cross-legged position before me.

          " _I have no use for you, Nico di Angelo. You are merely bait. You will certainly play your part as such, but I've been much too nice to demigods of late. Blame Percy Jackson for this. He stole a servant from me and forced me to save his life. Your punishment is his doing._ "

          " _Get away from me,_ " I gasped at her, still feeling the traces of warm blood trickling down my throat.

          " _We will meet again, Nico. Remember well my powers. Maybe I'll spare you then._ "

          I wish I'd done something to show her how much I despised her. I wish I'd shown her how awful she was, but she crumbled into dust before being whisked away completely. I'd been too weak to even flip off Gaea. I'd been too terrified to stand up to her. I heard monsters approaching, let out a small sob and curled into a ball before initiating a death trance. Screams of torture and pain, my own voice, Bianca's voice, Percy's voice... They all filled my mind and my soul as I tried my best to keep myself together until the monsters lumbered by. I kept screaming to myself that it wasn't real. It wasn't real it wasn't real.

          After that, I just laid and watched the flaming river in exhaustion. I wished that Frank would show up and shoot me in the back of the throat with an arrow. I was tired. I didn't know if I could look any of them in the eye when I made it above. _If_ I made it above. I couldn't stop thinking about the way my mother disowned me. Would she really do that? I would never know. I wouldn't know if Bianca would accept me either. I remember being in the Lotus, when we saw two men holding hands, Bianca giggled behind her hand and pointed. I didn't know what that meant. Was she laughing at them? Was she against it? I would never, ever, know.

          I realized with a jolt that I had spoken Italian with Gaea. I realized that I had spoken Italian with the mirage of my mother. I realized then that Italian was my first language. In any other case, this bit of information would be reason to make me feel excited. A bit of myself had been unlocked. But I just felt exhausted and defeated. I had allowed myself to be killed. I hadn't even fought against my imminent death. I felt as though I deserved it. That was the worst kind of defeat.

          Exhausted, dirty, and trembling, I forced myself to my feet. Even if I was the most pointless human alive, even if I was the most loathsome, I was still alive. I still had information to help Percy. I could die after that, for all the good it'll do me. At least I could return some of the help Percy had given me.

* * *

          The bath was cold when Nico had finished the story, trembling and crying silently. He felt empty. It was all he could tell Jason, but he got through it without slipping into a panic attack. He felt as though a bit of him had unlocked. It wouldn't cure himself of his panic attacks, but he had told someone. Nico finally looked into Jason's face, to see that Jason's eyes were closed, a sad smile on his face.

          "Jason?" Nico asked tentatively.

          "You don't know it, you won't believe me, but you're brave, Nico." He said quietly. Nico shuddered.

          "Can I have a towel, please?"

          Jason stood, hobbling on his feet. Nico chuckled a little bit. He felt a bit of release. He felt open. He felt like a soft breeze could whistle through him. He felt as though ten pounds of a hundred pound weight had been lifted from him. The next fifty pounds would be difficult. But he was ready. He was ready to talk about it. 

          Lying in bed that night with Jason, the roles reversed. Jason cried openly, Nico joining in with a smile. Jason started sniffling at first, trying to hide the fact that he was crying but when Nico realized what was happening, Jason wasn't able to stop. Nico held him close.

          "I'm stupid, this is stupid--"

          "Nyx said that nothing that makes one cry is stupid," Nico murmured.

          "I just want you to be okay," Jason said. "I'm here now, but I wasn't there then. I couldn't save you. I can't go back in time and comfort you. I feel so helpless."

          "You're here for me now," Nico said, curling into Jason's arms. "Now stop crying you big baby." Nico wiped his nose on his sleeve and drifted gently into sleep. He was exhausted from his wild emotions with Percy earlier, he was drained from retelling his first trial in Tartarus. Sleep found him quickly tonight. Jason kissed the top of his head as his eyelids drooped and he was swirled away into sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

"You're not telling me that you haven't seen a single Lord of the Rings movie," Leo said, his eyes wide. Nico was lounging around Leo's apartment. It had been about four days since Nico had opened himself up to Jason about Tartarus. Nicodecided to test the waters of trusting people with his secrets and he felt inclined to share more.

He’d already sneaked away a few times to see Percy, once meeting him in the middle of the night at the edge of the nearby river at the full moon. Percy would open up about his own nightmares of Tartarus while Nico stayed silent and attentive. He told Nico about Bob the Titan and Damasen, the peaceful giant. He cried when he told Nico about the _arai_ cursing him, he spoke with shame when he revealed how he defeated Akhlys. Percy spoke with reverence towards Nico when he admitted to seeing the skins of Tartarus that he imagined Nico saw. Nico wouldn't confirm or deny anything, mostly because he knew that if he opened his mouth, his soul would shatter. He could tell that Percy was curious, but he was grateful that Percy didn’t pressure him. Nico knew how Percy felt, though, the desire to talk about it could lift a weight off of his shoulders. Percy would apologize sincerely every time he brought up Tartarus. Yesterday, after Jason fell asleep and Nico had snuck into Percy’s room. Percy laughed when Nico showed up, saying he just wanted to talk, but Percy dove into talk about Tartarus right away. He said the nights were when it was the worst.

"And we just left them there to die." Percy whispered, his voice trembling with pain. "Bob... I feel like I used him when I needed him and then... I just left. I couldn't do anything for him. Nothing."

"There was nothing you could do, Percy," Nico said, his voice low. Percy turned towards Nico, his eyes wet, his jaw clenched. He leaned in and kissed Nico quickly. It was nothing more than a peck on the lips, but it sent Nico's whole body buzzing with warm excitement.

"You saved my life. Telling Bob that I was a good person... When I really wasn't at all. Thank you." Nico felt giddy, confused. He leaned in again in a daze. He wanted to be close to Percy again. He wanted to be filled with that same electric joy, but Percy shook his head, his cheeks flushed, apologizing.

"I shouldn't have." Percy admitted. "It... it was a thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for telling Bob that I was a friend. Thank you for.... for so much, Nico. I've never thanked you enough."

"Well each thanks should have a kiss, right?" Nico joked, breathlessly. "So if you can't thank me enough, maybe you shouldn't be able to kiss me enough..." Nico had no idea what he was saying, he just felt alive and warm. Percy laughed.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Nico." Percy hesitated but leaned in and kissed Nico again. It wasn't very different from the last one, but Nico wanted to collect them in his heart like little jewels. Percy backed away and shook his head, determined this time.

"I can't. Not yet. I need to talk to Annabeth about this. I'm... I'm sorry." Nico flinched a bit at Annabeth's name, but nodded nonetheless. Nico left that night floating on a cloud of happiness and a sting of pain. He crept back into Jason's room feeling more deeply in love than he had in months. Years, maybe.

The connections to the people around him had led Nico to go down to see Leo today. Nico had become filled with a confidence towards people that he had never experienced before. He specifically wanted to see Leo because neither boy had brought up their last conversation held alone. Nico wanted to bring it up right away, but Leo was the king of diversions. He asked Nico how he felt about the Lord of the Rings. Nico had no idea what the Lord of the Rings were, and he rolled his eyes.

          "My span of memory is probably about 5 years. I've spent most of those five years traveling the country alone. So forgive me if I'm not completely up-to-date on the most recent pop culture things."

          "But it's Lord of the Rings--"

          "For the love of fuck, Leo, just show me the thing already!" Nico grumbled, sitting down on the couch. "Excuse me for literally being born in 1929."

          Leo was already up searching through his DVD collection, pulling out a tan one that Nico saw for a split second before Leo kissed it and knelt to put the disc in. Nico rolled his eyes.

          "Trust me, dude," Leo turned around. "You're gonna be thanking me in three hours."

          "Three hours?" Nico spluttered. "Is that a joke?"

          "Nope!" Leo said happily, sitting on the couch next to Nico. "Let the Rings begin!"

* * *

 

          Nico sat through the whole movie, interested at the beginning, immersed by the middle and completely obsessed by the end. He was holding onto the couch cushions painfully as Boromir breathed his last, as Samwise Gamgee followed Mr. Frodo out into the river. The credits rolled and Nico turned to Leo.

          "Holy shit," he said. "Oh my god, I haven't been this excited about something since mythomagic."

          Leo frowned. "What's mythomagic?"

          "Nothing right now, but oh my gods? Oh my gods--"

          "Ehh?" Leo elbowed Nico, smiling. "Toldja."

          "But the characters! The plot-- _Strider_ \--"

          "I know, I _know._ " Leo groaned. "Viggo Mortensen is always wet in these movies, it's a fucking blessing."

          Nico raised his eyebrows at Leo, his mouth curving into a half-smile. They'd made it around to the topic he'd been aiming for after all.

          "You like the Striders to the Legolases?"

          "Oh, absolutely." Leo said. "If I'm gonna be into men, the manlier the better, you know?"

          "I think both have their merits."

          "Yeah, well... I've got girls for that, dude." Leo laughed.

          "But are you telling me you'd turn down Legolas?" Nico said.

          "I'm not saying that at all," Leo said, waving Nico down. "But I just feel like I'd be loved better by Aragorn than Legolas."

          "What, like, fucked better?" Nico snorted.

          "No, you swine! I mean like... he'd caress me and shit, I don't know."

          Nico threw his head back and laughed, though he felt an unspoken line had been crossed quietly. With a jolt, Nico realized that they were talking about guys. This is what straight guys did when talking about girls. It was actually... it was actually kind of fun.

          "So you would prefer Legolas to Aragorn?" Leo said, raising an eyebrow. Nico shook his head.

          "Absolutely not! I'm just trying to give Legolas the benefit of the doubt here."

          "He doesn't need any kind of benefit, he's Orlando Bloom, girls flock to him." Leo stated.

          "So? We're not girls."

          "Okay, oops, two scrawny demigods in the outskirts of New York prefer Fellowship of the Ring era Viggo Mortensen to you, Mister Bloom. Yeah, I'm sure he'll bathe in absolute apathy to our preferences."

          "Wow." Nico snorted. "You're such a loser." Leo's phone rang and he rolled over the couch to answer it.

          "Hey Percy!" Leo smiled. Nico's stomach wriggled. Nico remembered how Percy looked two days ago with the moon reflecting off of the water and twinkling in his eyes. Nico thought about how Percy adored board games and ate blue foods. And he thought about how Percy kissed him last night, leaving Nico hazy and filled with joy. Nico closed his eyes as his emotions flipped back and forth, but that wasn’t Percy’s fault. Tartarus knew just how to fuck with him and his perception of the son of Poseidon had been skewed by horrible events. Nico pushed that out of his mind and remembered the present. He listened to Leo speaking.

          "Yeah, I'm with Nico, just showed him Fellowship of the Rings, you missed out." Leo twirled the chord around his fingers before spluttering, "What the hell do you mean you don't care for these movies? Are you fucking blind? How can you defend trash like Transformers but say that you don't care for-- I don't know if you can come over after a personal insult like that, dude. Fine. Fine, fine." Leo aimed his voice at Nico, "do you want anything? Percy's going out to get some pizza."

          "I'm good," Nico said. How would he react to Percy around Leo? Leo would be able to keep that a secret, even if the teasing would be ridiculous. He would prefer to tell Leo than having him find out. Leo hung up on Percy and Nico blurted,

          "I have a crush on Percy."

          Leo's eyebrows raised in surprise but he threw his head back and laughed. Nico chuckled sheepishly.

          "Congratulations are in order then?"

          "I just don't want you teasing me about it when he comes over." Nico said. "We've been hanging out in his room for the past couple days and I... I don't know if I make certain faces or whatever when looking at him. Can you refrain from teasing me about it? Please?"

          "Pay for it in sexual favors and it's a deal, dude," Leo wiggled his eyebrows. Nico rolled his eyes and hit Leo on his shoulder which made Leo laugh even harder.

          By the time Percy showed up with a couple pizzas, Leo was too hungry to tease properly. Percy smiled brilliantly at Nico before putting the pies down and stepping aside to let Leo tear into them.

          "Gonna actually _eat_ the food now?" Percy joked, piling a few pieces on his own plate. Nico hated that sometimes. People always teased him about his light diet, and he couldn't help it that he didn't have a high appetite. Maybe it was a Hades thing. Nico didn't know. He glared at Percy and put three pieces of pizza on his plate, determined to finish all of them.

          Percy raised his eyebrows in skepticism but said nothing. Nico plopped down on the couch and angrily took a bite of pizza, Percy watching him with amusement and a twinge of something else. Nico felt his cheeks heat as he swallowed that bite and went in for another.

          "Man, this pizza is pretty good for being delivered by a traitor." Leo smirked at Percy. Percy snorted and took a bite of pizza.

          "Don't forge' _paid_ fo'," his mouth filled with pizza.

          "I thought the movie was brilliant. I haven't seen the other two, but I really liked it." Nico said as he started his second piece. He was already pretty full, but he was so determined. He would store it if he had to. He was a teenage boy, right?

          Percy sighed dramatically, "I just fell asleep you guys, don't gang up on me."

          "Fall asleep? You fell asleep? Twin Towers, I can understand but not Fellowship of the Rings?"

          "I don't know the difference. I can't remember what happens in any of them," Percy shrugged.

          "The first one is the one where there's a whole bunch of them together. They have a Fellowship. Shit only stays together for a movie, was pretty pointless anyway. Boromir's fault really--"

          "Don't blame Boromir, could you honestly control yourself in the presence of such pure power?" Nico said. He identified with Boromir, and he knew that he was supposed to be a metaphor for mankind, but he died a noble death.

          "Well it's still his fault that the Fellowship disbanded."

          "It was a good thing that they disbanded, I think, you heard Galadriel, Boromir would only be the first. And it's so much easier to track a big group than it is to track two small hobbits."

          Leo pointed his pizza crust at Nico angrily, "Two hobbits that have no idea how to survive in the wilds of Middle Earth? Two hobbits that have no protection whatsoever just roaming around with the most powerful piece of jewlery ever created? You think that's a _good_ idea?"

          Nico smiled, "Better than if they were surrounded by those who were tempted to take it."

          "But the Nazgul!"

          "Shut the fuck up both of you," Percy said rubbing his eyes. "You two sound like huge nerds."

          Leo put his hands on his hips and raised his jaw.

          "I am a proud nerd when it comes to the Lord of the Rings." He looked back at Nico, a twinkle in his eyes. "Look, we're going to have to watch the Twin Towers and Return of the King so we can have a proper discussion. Then maybe you'd be okay with listening to the audiobooks with me? I tried reading them but... dyslexia, you know."

          Nico was flattered. No one looked him in the eye like that and told him that he was needed specifically for something. Leo enjoyed something and wanted Nico to enjoy it just as much. He looked excited. He looked happy. Nico smiled, his heart swelling with happiness, and he nodded happily.

          He felt a hand sneak on top of his own. That was another thing that Nico really enjoyed. His happiness bubbled as Percy's traced little shapes on the back of Nico's cold hand. Nico actually began giggling. Leo's eyes shot to Nico and Percy's hands and he wiggled his eyebrows at Nico. Nico felt like his heart would burst out of his chest.

          "Hey, you actually finished all that pizza," Percy said, motioning to Nico's plate. Nico could barely register his words at first, he was so dazed by his own happiness.

          "Hm?" Nico said politely, blinking, smiling a bit.

          "God," Percy laughed, leaning in and kissing Nico on the forehead. Nico felt like his fingers were on fire.

          "So...." Leo said loudly. Nico turned to Leo, smiling gently.

          "Hm?" he repeated pleasantly. Leo frowned softly at Nico, and Nico didn't really understand it but he could barely find it in him to care.

          "Percy, did you check out the basement like I asked?" Leo said. Percy sunk a little into the couch.

          "Yeah but... it was freaky. I didn't stay there long at all."

          "Let's go check it out now!" Leo said, excited. "I really want to see what was in there, I detected lots of magic."

          "O...okay," Percy said. Nico felt his happiness drop a little bit as Leo popped out of his chair to grab his things. He saw Percy close his eyes and compose himself a bit. Nico felt normal again, the cloudy haze of happiness gone from within him.

          "Are you alright?" Nico asked. Percy didn't respond. Leo returned with a ridiculous looking hand-held machine that looked like a cross between a Nintendo DS and a food processor. He was fiddling with it as it flashed and turned on.

          "Alright, let's go." Leo said, walking to the door. Percy's eyes opened and the crooked smile was back on his face, instantly calming Nico's nerves. Percy looked over at Nico. Nico felt so exposed looking at Percy, like he could tell.

          "Hold my hand?" Percy asked softly. "We can walk behind Leo, it'll be okay." Percy held out his hand and Nico laced his fingers with Percy. They stood and followed Leo out the door, hand-in-hand.  
 


	9. Chapter 9

          They approached the basement door. Nico began to feel woozy. He could sense something... not death, something sinister beyond the door. He clutched tighter onto Percy's hand, but that only increased his headaches.   
         

          "The sensor's quiet..." Leo's voice seemed distant. "Whatever was down here must be gone."

          "Yeah, the trident over the handle is gone too..." Percy said. He opened the door with his free hand. The door swung open and a cold musty air blew out at them. Usually Nico felt reassured by darkness and solitude, but this darkness... this solitude... it was too familiar.

          "Nico, are you alright?" Percy said gently. He had no idea why because 'alright' wasn't even close to how Nico was feeling, but  nodded his head anyway. Leo seemed intent on not noticing Nico and Percy's hands or the way Nico clung to Percy to stay upright. He stepped into the dark basement, going down the stairs with his detector out. Percy followed him, pulling Nico along by the hand. Nico didn't know if he could do step any closer, he felt sick and wrong.

          "Nothing...." Leo said frowning. "Just this morning everything was going haywire."

          Nico felt Percy flinch at Leo's words. It was as though a hot spike was driven through his temple. Nico hissed in pain as he stumbled and fell to his knees. He held onto Percy's hand like a lifeline.

          "God..." He groaned. It felt like the mother of all panic attacks was coming on. He had Percy here though... he... maybe Percy would be able to...

          "Leo," Nico gasped, his hand outstretched. Percy knelt down next to Nico and tilted his head up to meet his gaze. Nico could barely meet his vibrant eyes. Leo turned from a chair in the corner and came to Nico. White spots popped before Nico's eyes.

          "Nico, let me help you." Percy begged. Nico almost listened to him, he looked into the ocean depths of Percy's eyes but Leo was there in an instant, putting both hands on Nico's shoulders.

          "You called?"

          "I need Jason," He gasped automatically. "I-- I need-- something--"

          "On it," Leo said, lifting Nico from the ground. Nico wasn't expecting this, and neither was Percy because Percy was dragged along for a moment before their hands tore apart. Nico wrapped his arms around Leo's neck, desperately trying to keep it together. Leo looked ahead with determination tinged with a little disappointment. Nico had never seen Leo's face so serious before. He didn’t have much time to think though, because Nico could barely control himself.

          "There was magic there, there _had_ to have been magic there..." Leo muttered. Nico didn't connect Leo’s words to his shaking hands and dry mouth. His mind was reeling. He felt the story spilling out of him without his permission.

          "When I was in Tartarus I felt... I could feel magic." Nico was trembling uncontrollably. He felt the three slices of pizza coming back to him. Leo glanced down nervously at Nico.

          "You don't have to tell me anything, Nico, it's okay, I'm bringing you to Jason."

          "W-when... when I-- I saw... I was--" Nico sobbed. He was shaking so violently that he could barely hold onto Leo's neck. His arms fell limp. He tried to control his breathing, but his eyes rolled to the back of his head.

          "Oh god, oh shit," Leo said upon looking down. "Oh god, Nico? Nico, it's okay, it's alright! Holy fuck, Nico!"

          "I-- I'm-m...." Nico shivered. Leo picked up his pace and took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. He ran as fast as he could up the stairs, Jason's room was on the third floor. Nico could barely see. He needed Jason, he needed to tell someone.

          "Leo..." Nico groaned, his stomach churning.

          "It's alright it's okay!" Leo said, his voice unsure as he burst onto the third floor. He ran down the hall, stopping abruptly in front of Jason's door and knocked on it by kicking it several times. Leo danced around on the spot anxiously, which didn't do Nico's stomach any favors. Nico wanted to pass out. He wanted to roll his eyes to the back of his head and stop seeing. He wanted to silence the noise of Tartarus, the disgusting filth that overflowed constantly. He needed to die.

          "I'm goi...ng... Leo I'm going to--" Nico's breathing was ragged, his voice weak. "...die--"

          "No! No, shut up!" Leo said, kicking the door again. Jason answered with a smile that was laughing at an invisible joke. Leo started cussing at him in Spanish. He pushed past Jason and placed Nico down on the couch.

          Jason didn't even need any words. Piper was standing, bewildered in the kitchen as Leo grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of the apartment. Nico thought wildly that he should remember to thank Leo for knowing that they needed their privacy, and he had a ridiculous urge to laugh at thinking of manners while his world was crumbling around him. The door behind him shut and Jason turned his attention on Nico immediately.

          Nico was fading fast. He was shivering and aching, he was making tiny noises of discomfort. Jason had never seen him so bad.

          " 'm gonna puke," Nico managed to get out, trying to get over to the bathroom. Jason lifted him to the bathroom and held his hair as he vomited in the toilet violently. Nico was freezing, his skin seemed to have dropped several degrees.

          "Nico, what is it?"

          "I...I have t-to tell you..." Nico said, his teeth clattering. His panic had subsided a little bit. Jason was a symbol of steadiness, calm. He could tell Jason what happened. He couldn't tell Percy, or even Leo. But he could always tell Jason. That fact alone calmed his panic to a certain degree. There was silence as Jason made Nico drink water. Nico sat next to the toilet, still nauseous and shivering. Jason wrapped a blanket around Nico and sat across the floor from him.

          "I... have to tell you," Nico said finally after finishing a glass of water. His throat burned of bile and his mind stung with headache but he needed this story out of him.

          "Nico, what happened in Tartarus?" Jason asked. Nico closed his eyes and spoke.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning in this chapter for graphic depictions of rape.

          After Gaea left me, I didn't have much else to do. I knew that I had to find my way to the Heart of Tartarus, and that the darker it got, the closer I came to Mother Night's home. I knew about the goddess Nyx and her home down there, but I couldn't imagine that she would show me mercy or kindness. She was a familiar figure, and she was all that I had to aim towards. She was a goddess, not a titan or a giant, and that thought alone propelled me forward for days. I stayed on the banks of the Phlegetheon because I needed it to heal me. I was weak, tired, starving, and anxious. I decided to rest against a set of rock-like clusters. There was a skeleton of some monster decaying there, and it comforted me. You may call me morbid, but skeletons calm me down. They remind me of the end. The end calms me down a bit. Right now, I didn’t need an end, I just needed to rest, to sleep. I had to sleep somehow, even if every time I tried I was ripped apart by visions of the present. But I couldn't go another step without rest.

          And then, over the crest of obsidian, I saw him. He was bloody, bruised, struggling to stay on his feet, but it was him. Percy Jackson. He was illuminated by the fires of the Phlegethon, but the orange stole the warmth from his face rather than added to it. He looked so real, so real. I thought maybe it would be a hallucination of some sort, but no hallucination of mine would have him so destroyed. Percy was a hero in my eyes. There's no way he could be defeated by something as trivial as the Incarnation of Evil. He saw me and his eyes regained a bit of life. I was stunned, I could barely register his presence. He ran towards me, dropping down on his knees and pulling my face into a kiss. It stunned me, but I accepted it. I'd never kissed anyone before, I thought that this was kind of a funny place to have it. His presence made everything else numb, all of my other pains subsided.

          "Nico," he said to me. "I've been searching for days."

          "You came down here?" I asked, not daring to believe it. "Percy, it's Tartarus--"

          "But I had to save you. When I heard you went missing, I--"

          "...so fast?" I asked, frowning. My questions flew from my head when he began kissing my neck. It was all that mattered, that Percy touched me and Percy kissed me.

          "Nico, you can't imagine how terrified I was for you," His voice washed over me like the salty waves he mastered. It was bliss, hearing him speak. I believed him. He was in my arms and under my skin.

          "How did you know to stay safe?" I breathed, my mind asking the questions to get the itch of suspicion away from the blissful moment. "Did Annabeth tell you?"

          Percy nodded. "Oh, yes." He continued kissing my neck and face, leaving hot ovals in his wake. My insides jolted as I remembered that Percy's memory had been stolen by Hera. He shouldn't know who I was or some little detail about Annabeth like this. It was as though he could read my thoughts. His grip tightened on me and my mind spun with pleasure.

          "Nico," He crooned above me, his face so deliciously Percy's and so beautiful. "I'm with you now. Everything will be okay."

          "Everything will be okay," I repeated, my eyes tearing up. My mind was split between obedience and panicked shrieking. I couldn't speak anything that he wouldn't allow me. I was helpless to do anything as he undressed me slowly. Part of me wanted it so badly that I wanted to help him, wanted him to go faster. Part of me knew that this wasn't Percy, but an imposter of some sort. My mind refused to think the word ‘monster’ as though he had put some sort of mental block inside of me.

          A chocolate voice dripped over me, "You want it from me, don't you Nico?"

          "I want it from you," I croaked. He unzipped his pants. I moaned in terror and ecstasy. I wanted to die, but I wanted him so badly.

          "Nico," the demon moaned, making me forget for a moment that he was a demon and not the Percy I admired. He forced my surroundings to blur and I panicked.

          "Stop!" I cried, the word ripped from me. That weak sound of dissent and my feeble attempts to try to reach my sword were so pathetic that he laughed. I moaned at the sound as he slipped my underwear down my trembling legs. He slipped his hand between my thighs, opening them gently and sliding his finger up my already hard dick. I thought that I would explode from that pleasure. I bit my lip and tried, tried so hard to think of a myth where a monster attacked in this way. I knew nothing. He forced his way into me dry. I threw my head back in a silent scream of agony and sick molasses pleasure. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to describe the type of pain I felt. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to. He pushed in and out of me, my body reacting in opposite ways. I clawed at his hands clutching my waist but gripped onto his wrists in pleasure. I screamed in pain but moaned in desire. I wanted this, the magic told me. I hated this, common sense fought.

          "You'll come for me," He crooned, his face just above mine. Even his breath was sweet, tantalizing. God, I wanted this. I'd never wanted anything more in my life. I wanted Percy inside of me, to feel his love. _No!!_ Not like this. Not like this.

          "Stop," I tried again, my tears flowing freely over my cheeks. "Please, please stop..."

          "Nico, you and I both know how pointless it is to beg," He whispered, kissing my cheeks.

          "Who are you?" I managed.

          "I steal the souls of men through sex, Nico di Angelo. I am Succubus." He pushed in and out of me, making me scream in pain. I felt blood vessels burst inside me, dripping to the soft fleshy Tartarus ground. Let me die now, if Hades did me any favors it would be to let me die now, here, before I could lose my soul to the demon.

          "G-go away," I blurted. My voice was pathetic, and I knew it. Words could do nothing. My muscles were tense, so I wasn't able to push him away, even slightly. He laughed so sweetly. I wanted to pull him in and kiss him, but fought the urge with every ounce of free will left in me.

          "Tempting. I'm not fully formed yet, son of Hades. You’re feeling but a fraction of my power. I thought I could use a little pick-me-up when you stumbled into my path." Succubus's eyes were still sea-green and beautiful, his hair swept across his face in the way that I loved. I gasped and grabbed onto him as his magic washed over me, making me pull him closer. I felt something tearing. I moaned against my will, the soft touches of his fingertips and the bloody damage that his cock wreaked were so opposite that I could barely think straight.

          “Yes,” I breathed for a second, losing control over my will. In that second he flowed into my soul, twisting every image of Percy I had stored. Percy smiling at me for a moment, his hair over his eyes as he comes on my chest; Percy with his red lips around my cock; Percy, bent over me smelling like sweat, sex, and the sea as he humps me dry… He twisted my images of Percy so fully that I nearly saw the demon as Percy himself. Percy goddamned Jackson. He had become everything to me in that moment.

          “Nico, I really do love you,” Succubus said gently, stroking my face with a long finger. I tried not to look him in the eye. I believed him, though, holy fuck I wanted to believe him. I was so close to the edge, so hard and filled with a disgusting pleasure that I knew I would lose to him soon.

          “I love you…” Succubus promised. He knew that it was all I wanted. All I wanted was for someone to love me.

          _Stop that,_ I chastised myself. _Hate yourself later, you idiot._ I tried to think, but thinking while being penetrated and filled with contradictory sensations was difficult. Come for _him_ he had said. What if I came for someone else? What if Percy wasn’t on my mind when my orgasm hit? What if Succubus was unable to transform into someone because my fantasy was two people? Unless, of course, Succubus was able to transform into two people, in which case I would suffer a fate worse than death. It was the only plan I had, so I did it without thinking too hard. I stopped blocking the pleasure, but fixed my mind firmly on two boys from Camp Half-Blood. Connor and Travis Stoll, sons of Hermes. I found them attractive and could definitely get off on the thought of them. Succubus’s magic helped. Images of Percy felt planted while Connor and Travis felt organic, the pleasure just enhancing the feeling.

          “Nico…” Percy moaned, pressing into me harder, his fingertips bruising my hips. “Don’t you love me too? Say that you love me, Nico….” He begged me. The charmspeak was so strong that I made my tongue bleed from biting it so hard. I would not say it. I would not give my soul to Succubus. His moaning became louder and more insistent, Connor and Travis were interrupted by a delicious flash of Percy disheveled in a bed or Percy masturbating on the beach. I forced my Connor and Travis to dress in garters and thigh highs, make them blatantly Hermes themed with little wings on the riding crops so that when Succubus tried to imitate with Percy, it looked out of place and I did not believe it.

          “Fuck,” I breathed, thinking of Connor sucking Travis alone. That was a kink that Succubus couldn’t recreate—the dirty desire of incest. Connor fucked Travis, Travis would make out with Connor, they performed sexual acts on each other and invited me to join, promising to take away the pain. Percy was so insistent, so magical that it made my head spin. I felt my orgasm building, Succubus coaxing it and begging me to listen. I was nearly in the clear until he spoke at my peak.

          “Nico, please,” he whispered. “They can’t both love you.”

          It was true. As I came over my stomach, Connor and Travis struggled to hold my pleasure, but I was determined to hold it out. Succubus shrieked like a fox and clawed at my stomach. It was as though he had razors for fingernails because four gashes instantly appeared on my chest, oozing hot blood. He pulled out thoughtlessly and repealed the magic on himself. All of the numbing magic had disappeared. I realized where I was. I realized what he had just done. I covered my mouth and felt the bile churn in my stomach. I couldn’t look away from Succubus. He still looked like Percy, only more beautiful than I’d ever seen him, even with all of the false dirt and sweat stains. I lay there, curled and bleeding from where he had violated me.

          “I’m not completely reformed yet, Nico.” Succubus bowed down, picking up my sword and studying its blade. “So my magic is running on backup stores. You were nothing but a child. It should’ve made things easier. But your desires are complicated and I didn’t prepare for that.” He raised the sword above my head, dangling it close to my nose. I wished for it. To die did not scare me. To be sucked into the eternal void of a sex demon was an unknown that had given me the strength to fight him.

          “In two days, I return to the surface world. Seven years is quite a while for a regeneration cycle, but then again…” He laughed a nasally laugh. “I’m not typical, am I?”

          I had no idea how to respond. I was on the verge of a mental collapse, I felt so terrified that I could barely register his words, and yet they burned into me like a hot iron. I was soiled and rotten, he had stolen me and destroyed my mind. I took in his words like a wet sponge. I had been filled enough horror that no more could seep through. He lunged with the sword and buried it in the flesh-like membrane by my head. I let out a pathetic whimper. He put a hand on his bare hip. Even without pants, he looked as though he was in charge. In fact, the nudity seemed to add to his dominance, and I was afraid. I wanted him to cover up, like me. I wanted to die.

          “I won’t kill you yet, Nico. You owe me that soul. What a cheap trick, thinking of two different boys.” He laughed through his nose again. “I was always so much better impersonating women. He leaned forward, his breath sweet as warm bread. “I’ll be waiting, Nico.” He kissed me deeply; I was limp beneath his lips. For all intents and purposes, I was dead. I was probably dead right now, because hell was washing over me in pulsing waves of liquid-hot iron.

          He turned away, slipping back into the black landscape of Tartarus and left me there. I was nude, I was bleeding, I was crying, and I was still tired. Once he broke most of the charmspeak, I should’ve ran him through with my sword. I should’ve lunged forward and stabbed him right in the gut with my sword, said something clever like ‘Looks like it’s 7 years of bad luck for you,’ and walked away triumphantly with my soul. But I was curled up and half-nude. My pants were by my feet and I could not put them over my feet and pull them up. Half of it was due to pain, the other half was shame.

          Did I really see Percy like that? Was he really so important to me that would give up security and let him get into my mind so far? I couldn’t believe my weakness. I couldn’t believe how foolish I was. I could barely cry. My thoughts of death were so honest and desperate that I was no longer sad about life. I was just pining for my death. I wanted to get out of my skin and float silvery white like the ghosts in my command. I was the weakest of demigods, my sister would’ve been so much stronger. Or would she agree that I deserved this, that it was one of several punishments for liking the same gender? I was as still as a rock, as lifeless, as pathetic and useless as the slimiest of maggots. I felt sick and dizzy. His magic still lingered with his bruises and bitemarks. They glowed like little stars on my body of filth.

          “I’m fucked up,” I whispered finally. It was quiet. It was dead. I was dead. I would never be accepted into the land of the living. Why waste time there? Why do anything ever again? I’d been demoted from human to a lifeless, defenseless fuckdoll. I was horrible.

          “I’m fucked up,” I moaned again, my eyes drooping as I pulled my pants up my aching legs. I was fucked up. I am fucked up. I am disgusting garbage that will never be loved by anyone as long as I live. I fell asleep with that thought in my mind. The sleep didn’t bring me any rest. My mind didn’t seem to want to give me that sort of reprieve. Maybe it was punishing me for being so weak, for allowing myself to be violated like—

* * *

 

          “No.” Jason had leaned forward on his knees. Nico tensed, clenching his jaw. “That’s not true at all.”

          Nico was a little startled about being interrupted like that, he had nearly forgotten that Jason was listening.

Nico shook his head, refusing to meet Jason’s eyes. He didn’t know what he would feel if he looked too deeply into their sky blue.

          “It was not your fault, Nico.” Jason’s voice had a harsh edge to it. “You…. You did something nearly impossible. You outwitted a monster in its home court. You found enough strength in you to come back to the world. You’re here now. You’re safe.”

          The silence that followed Jason’s words was so absolute, like needles piercing every pore of Nico’s skin.  After he was interrupted, he was unable to find words again. Jason didn’t press into the silence, even though Nico knew that he could. He felt open again, but as opposed to feeling simply exposed, he felt raw. He felt as though his skin had been ripped off and his heart was bare. He handed Jason a dagger and ripped his skin off with his words. God, Nico felt terrified. He was slumped over next to the toilet, his eyes downcast.

          Jason walked out of the room, picked up a blanket and draped it over Nico’s shoulders. Jason wasn’t weepy like he was last time. He was stone. He was secure. Nico needed it. He felt like a shattered dish. He felt as though there was no point in trying to mend what was only a mediocre at best plate. But Jason seemed so determined to repair him. Jason refused to give up on him. He let Jason lift him out of the bathroom and lay him down on the couch. Jason curled up at the end of the couch and had Nico lean against him. Nico curled into his chest. He felt undone.

          “Why aren’t you crying? You did last time.” Nico croaked, finally breaking the silence. Jason sighed deeply, his eyes closed.

          Jason tightened his grip on Nico. “I was selfish last time. I didn’t think about how you would feel.”

          “I don’t care, Jason, I don’t want you to hide—”

          “I’m not trying to hide from you, Nico.” Jason’s breath was firm. “You don’t need me falling apart too.”

          Nico closed his eyes and leaned his head against Jason’s chest.

          “I… I’m weak.”

          “Absolutely not.” Jason growled. His voice so firm that it was almost aggressive. “You are so brave, you… you defeated him. You outsmarted him. You won, Nico.”

          “No, No, Jason…” Nico cried. “I’m not brave, don’t call me—”

          “Nico, sh.” Jason said, pressing his hand onto his hair. “Let me love you for a moment, alright?” His voice was filled to the brim with pain, and Nico pressed his face into Jason’s chest to hide his agony. Nico didn’t want to think, so he didn’t. Nico didn’t want his life anymore, so he handed it over to Jason.

          Hours Jason sat there with Nico. For hours Jason rubbed his back. Nico faded in and out of consciousness, his dreams shocking him awake as though a blade slashed through his lungs. He would wake up, terrified, screaming and confused. Jason would be there. Jason would sit there, holding him.

          “I’m fucked up, I’m fucked up Jason.” Nico gasped, waking up again, shivering. It was one in the morning, Nico was still unable to sleep longer than an hour. He had stumbled a couple times to the bathroom to vomit. Jason would make sure to follow him and be certain he was safe. Nico would crawl into Jason’s waiting arms. His arms were the paste that held him together.

          At 3 am, Nico shuddered and began to speak.

          “I was raped, wasn’t I?” Nico asked quietly. Jason curled his fingers in Nico’s hair. Jason pressed his mouth to Nico’s hair and murmured,

          “Yes, you were.”

          “I’m spoiled, aren’t I. No one will want me now.”

          “That’s wrong.” Jason said firmly. “Absolutely nothing is wrong with you, Nico. It’s like a stab wound that only you can see. It takes some time for you to heal, and there will be a scar that only you can feel, but one thing is certain.” He took Nico by the shoulders and stared him deep in the eye. “It. Was not. Your fault. There is _nothing_ that can be done to spoil you.”

          “Jason,” Nico shook his head. “I’m—but I'm—”

          “Sex isn’t like that. Sex doesn’t tally up the horrors, only the pleasures.” Jason said. “What you experienced was a bastardization of sex.”

          “But it felt good. I thought I—I thought—maybe if... if I wasn't... a faggo—”

          “Don’t use that word to describe yourself,” Jason bit. Nico flinched at his harshness and Jason softened his tone. “If you weren’t gay, Succubus would have morphed into a female. It wasn’t your fault.”

          “Could I have done something?” Nico whispered.

          “Nothing.”

          “But… I… Jason I feel so dirty.” Nico sobbed. “How could I let him in so deeply? I was too sensitive—I—I should've—“

          Jason covered Nico’s mouth with three fingers, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

          “Loving Percy was not a mistake. Loving someone is never a mistake. When you open yourself up to something like that, evils will find their way to take advantage of it. Your love… Nico anyone would be jealous of it.” Jason said. “God, Nico. Please don’t think of yourself like that. You are brilliant.”

          “I don’t feel brilliant. I feel like I’ve been raped. I feel like that’s it.”

          “No.” Jason sat Nico up against the couch and he crossed his legs in front of Nico. He cupped Nico’s face between his hands, his hands warming Nico’s cool cheeks. This gave Nico tunnel vision, and Nico’s eyes were only able to see the slightly freckled, deeply tanned face of Jason Grace. Nico stared at the scar on his lip before tracing his way up Jason’s freckles to his eternal eyes. The lightness of his eyes and the darkness of his skin were in such beautiful contrast that Nico calmed. “You may not feel like it right now, but you are fantastic. You are powerful, ancient, funny, moody, gentle—you are everything but worthless. I promise.”   

         “You promise?” Nico’s voice was soft and delicate, but he didn’t mind if Jason heard. Jason's promises. Jason's promises had strength.

         “I promise,” Jason vowed. His thumb stroked Nico’s cheekbone softly. Nico closed his eyes and leaned forward. Jason pressed his lips to Nico’s forehead and held him warm into his chest.

          “I’m tired.” Nico breathed.

          “It’s early in the morning, Nico,” Jason laughed weakly.

          “I’m really tired, can we go lay in bed?” Nico blinked slowly. Jason smiled. He lifted Nico in his arms and carried him into the bedroom. When Nico fell asleep this time, he didn’t wake up once.


	11. Chapter 11

**Jason's POV**

         Jason couldn’t sleep. He’d heard Nico’s story replay in his head like a scratched record, sending shockwaves through him. He kept it together for Nico, determined to see him through the night. There was nothing that could convince Jason to leave Nico without help. During the times when Nico slept restlessly, Jason got up and unplugged the phone, put a Do Not Disturb sign on the outside of the door, and made a pot of coffee to keep himself awake. After Jason had lifted Nico up off the couch and brought him into the bedroom, Nico slept soundly through the night. Jason wasn’t able to rest. Nico was so shattered, he was torn into hundreds of little pieces and Jason could hardly believe that he had the sanity to survive Tartarus even after that. Nico had to be the strongest person Jason had ever met. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how he himself would react to such trauma. He would crumble in seconds.

          Jason was shirtless in the kitchen, fixing himself a cup of coffee to keep him up through the rest of the morning. He was determined to be there every time Nico woke up, to provide a calming eye. It was nine thirty in the morning and Nico had slept for six straight hours without waking up. It calmed Jason down to know that Nico had gotten a decent rest. Jason's pajamas sunk low on his hips as he fixed his coffee. He closed his eyes and leaned forward over the sink.

          Keeping Nico safe felt like his duty ever since Croatia. What started off as a moral obligation morphed into a sincere friendship, which began crawling its way towards romantic attraction for Jason. Nico didn’t need protection, but he needed support. Nico didn’t need a lover, he needed a friend. Jason was determined to be a friend for him. Jason had tried with no avail to push his feelings for Nico down—how selfish would it be for Jason to confess his romantic feelings when Nico was dealing with so much already? No. Nico needed to be healthy before Jason would even consider revealing any kind of romantic feelings towards him.

          Someone knocked on the door softly. Jason was grateful from the jolt from his thoughts. He rolled his stiff shoulders and went to answer the door. Leo stood in the doorway looking uncharacteristically serious but he offered Jason a gentle smile.

          “Hey,” Leo said. It also wasn’t very like Leo to be awake this early in the morning. “Wanted to see if everything was okay with Nico.” Jason blinked in surprise. He didn’t think that Leo cared too much about the son of Hades, calling him freaky… had he missed something? To be fair, Jason had been neglecting his best friend by making Nico his priority.

          “Come in, he’s still sleeping.” Jason stepped aside and Leo walked into the apartment. Jason knew that there was a sadness that Leo harbored. Any time Jason tried to breech the subject, he was completely shut down. There was not much he could do until Leo allowed him in. Leo went in the living room and sat down on the couch, covering his face with his hands. Jason offered him some coffee but Leo declined.

          “Did everything work out last night?” Leo asked.

          “Mostly,” Jason admitted, sitting down next to Leo with his coffee.

          “Something’s been bothering me,” Leo sighed. “Percy’s been flirting with Nico, and I think he’s gonna get hurt.” Jason’s stomach jolted in disgust when Percy’s name was mentioned, but Jason had to remind himself that Percy wasn’t Succubus. Jason couldn’t imagine the kinds of conflicting emotions that Nico must feel just by hearing Percy’s name.

          “Well… we always thought that Percy was kinda gay so…” Jason shrugged, trying to mask his disgust.

          “Yeah, but he’s doing all this without asking Annabeth, I’m sure of it.” Leo frowned. He didn’t like gossiping, but when his friends could get hurt, he felt responsible.

          Jason didn’t say anything. He didn’t know if Leo knew about Nico’s sexuality or his crush on Percy. He also didn’t know that Nico had been sneaking away with Percy. He probably wanted to talk about it with someone. That’s probably what prompted him to tell Jason about Succubus.

          “Did you and Nico get a little closer or something?” Jason asked. Leo laughed.

          “I found out about him being gay. I tried to drop some hints for you, dude, but he didn’t seem receptive.”

          Jason frowned. How Leo had known about Jason’s feelings for Nico was beyond him. He had barely been able to admit them to himself let alone Leo.

          “How… how did you know?”

          “Only because you spend almost every last ounce of energy trying to protect him from something. Because of the way you look at him when you think no one can see you. I don’t know a lot about people, but I know enough about you.”

          Jason looked away.

          Leo sighed and picked at the loose threads in his shirt. “I found out about him being gay. Came out to him. He told me about his crush on Percy. I… I feel closer to him.”

          Jason was surprised and a little jealous. Nico had opened up to Leo and Jason hadn’t known a thing about it.

          “Well…I’m glad that you’ve become friends with him.” Jason heard the tension in his own voice. He was too tired to censor himself.

          “No bad blood, dude,” Leo laughed. “I’m not tryna shoulder in on your boy.”

          “He’s not my boy,” Jason murmured. “He’s Percy’s, whether Percy knows it or not.”

          “That’s the thing though. He and Percy have been talking in private, I’ve noticed. I think that they talk about Tartarus.”

          Jason’s jaw clenched, his grip tightening on his coffee mug. Wild jealousy raged through him. He knew that he couldn’t be Nico’s lover, but he had hoped that he was at least Nico’s confidant. Had he told Percy everything? Had he told Percy _more?_

“What’s with that face?” Leo chuckled. “You look like you just swallowed gasoline.”

          “Nothing.” Jason’s said.

          “Dude, I don’t think you appreciate just how much he needs you. He like, _reveres_ your relationship. When I suggested that you two could date, he got offended that I cheapened your relationship. Nah, Jason. I’m pretty sure that Percy came to him. I think Percy wants to talk to Nico about Tartarus. I don’t think that Nico talks to him about Tartarus. When he had a panic attack, he asked for you. I mean, he wanted Percy, but he _needed_ you."

          Jason felt a little nauseous. Was that was he wanted? Did he want to be a necessity? Did he deserve to make himself something that Nico couldn't live without? Jason stared into his coffee mug, willing his mind to shut up.

          "I got him into Lord of the Rings, though." Leo grinned. "He's a certified nerd now. You're welcome."

          "I don't know if anyone can be as into Lord of the Rings as you are." Jason shook his head.

          "I censor myself for polite conversation. Do you know just how many daily references I can make to Lord of the Rings? An average of 25." He sighed. "It's not fair to have such good jokes wasted on uneducated children."

          Jason shook his head, rolling his eyes. He felt a smile bubbling in from deep within him. The night felt like it had taken years to pass. Leo had come and brought sunshine in the morning.   
  
          Jason turned his head towards the light shuffling coming from the bedroom. Nico stood in the doorway swimming in Jason's overlarge hoodie. The poor boy was always cold. The bags under his eyes were heavier and darker but he smiled gently regardless. Jason's heart dropped into his navel. Gods, he was beautiful. Olive-skinned, deathly thin, a gentle smile curving his pale lips. Jason felt a surge of pride. Nico was here. Regardless of the terrible dark things that happened in Tartarus, even though he had been through the deepest hell, Nico was here. He was safe.

          "Why are you looking at me like that?" Nico mumbled, rubbing his eyes with his fists. He curled up on the chair, disappearing beneath Jason's large hoodie.

          "Good morning, then." Jason said, finally.

          "Hey, Leo," Nico said.

          "Sup, Casper."

          "My name's not Casper." Nico yawned. Leo laughed a little bit.

          "No... I mean like 'Casper the friendly ghost', you know, from--"

          "I thought we'd been over this, Leo," Nico said, exasperated but amused. "Born in 1929." He extended one of his legs and began kicking Jason.

          "Make me food."

          "I didn't hear a please," Jason teased.

          Nico shrugged and curled up again in his hoodie. "See if I ever make you breakfast again, you jerk."

          "Fine, fine. What do you want?"

          "I don't know," Nico said. "Eggs? I don't know."

          "Eggs it is, then." Jason said, leaning forward and kissing Nico on the forehead. Nico closed his eyes and smiled beneath him.

          "Hey if I have a panic attack will you make me some food too?" Leo asked. Jason glared at him, but to his surprise, Nico laughed.

          "You have to be carried like an idiot up flights of stairs first." Nico said. "Thanks, by the way."

          Leo waved his hand. "No problem. Needed to make sure you were alright to watch Twin Towers with me."

          Nico sat up straighter as Jason milled around the kitchen pulling out ingredients to make eggs and bagels. He figured he may as well make himself breakfast as well.

          "Did you bring it with you?" Nico said. Leo nodded, smiling. He pulled a DVD case out of his pockets and waved it tantalizingly. Jason turned away and began mixing the eggs in a bowl.

~*~

          Jason hardly paid attention during the movie. Nico was incredibly invested in it, a gentle frown and intense eyes as he drank in the scenes. Jason liked the Lord of the Rings movies well enough, but he never understood Leo’s obsession with them. Jason felt the calm begin lulling him to sleep.

          “Are you sleeping?” Nico said, frowning in surprise.

          “I’ve seen these movies before, Nico,” Jason yawned, leaning against the thin boy. Nico was surprisingly warm and wrapped an arm around Jason. He smiled.

          “You didn’t sleep last night at all, did you?” Nico shook his head in disbelief. Jason yawned, the several cups of caffeine wearing off. Nico pet Jason’s head. “Sleep. You’ve earned it.”

          Jason fell to sleep immediately as though he had been waiting for that blessing.

* * *

**Nico's POV**

          Nico looked over at Leo who grinned at him. Two Towers ended, but Nico could barely think about Frodo, though Sam was the most loyal of friends. Jason slept soundly in Nico’s arms, holding onto Nico protectively, even in his sleep.

          “He loves you, dude.” Leo said suddenly. Nico looked up.

          “I don’t know what that word is supposed to mean,” Nico shook his head. Leo shrugged.

          “Look, all I know is that you should really appreciate him. I know Jason pretty well.”

          Nico’s mouth was dry as he looked out the window. He had never really thought about anyone else other than Percy. No one else had shown him an ounce of romantic interest... now, however...

          Nico looked down at Jason's gently sleeping form. Jason was dating Piper. Percy was dating Annabeth. Nico was the back-up plan in both situations. He shook his head.

          "I don't think about him like that, Leo," Nico said, unsure if he was telling the truth. Leo shrugged.

          "He'd give you the world if you asked for it."

          The funniest or the saddest part was that Nico knew that to be the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Just wanted to goad you into reviewing my work, please. A few chapters will be in Jason's POV because I found that there was a facet that would go completely unacknowledged if I wrote it entirely in Nico's POV. Unfortunately it makes the story sort of flip back and forth. Sorry about that. Yes! So if you like it, please let me know! If you don't like it, please let me know why!


	12. Chapter 12

         For three days, Jason made Nico sit inside his apartment, insisting on making all of his meals and caring for him. It would have been two days, but Nico had a small panic attack on the second night. The only person allowed over was Leo, even though Piper had been over once or twice, not allowed to speak. He knew that Jason wouldn’t mention it, but Percy had also been over to see if Nico was alright. Nico would always feign sleep when this happened, but on the third night, Nico actually heard what Percy was saying.

          “Jason, please. Please let me see him.” Percy’s voice was soft and desperate, a type of delicate that shattered Nico. It wasn’t Percy’s fault that a demon had attacked him in Hell. It wasn’t Percy’s fault that Nico had nightmares with Percy’s face enticing him to come closer to his death. And yet Nico put Percy through all of this torment, all of this pain and hurt. Nico felt sick to his stomach with guilt.

          “Percy, I told you. He can’t see you. He’s not up to it, he’s got to save his energy.”

          “Bullshit,” Percy accused. “I know that Leo came up here to watch movies yesterday. He won’t put in a good word for me either. What’s wrong? What did I do?” Percy begged. Nico bit his lip and pressed his pillow tighter around his head.

          “It’s not you, Percy, but he’s… he’s just a little confused is all.”

          “Is it… is it because I kissed him?”

          “You _what?_ ” Jason hissed. It sliced through Nico. He hadn’t gotten around to that, and he felt another wave of guilt for not telling Jason about it. Nico curled up tighter into a ball, but he couldn’t help but strain his ears for the rest of the conversation.

          “It was just a peck—I really shouldn’t have—he leaned in for more—“

          “Are you fucking with me? Are you pulling my leg or something?” Jason’s voice was sharp and continued cutting into Nico’s mind.

          “N-no, I just—“

          “He wouldn’t do something like that,” Jason said, his voice assured. “I know him, he would at least tell me.”

          “Well what makes _you_ so special?” Percy murmured like a little kid that couldn’t talk back to a parent. Jason didn’t say anything. When Jason felt silent, it meaned something. Nico could imagine Jason’s silence pouring over Percy like hot tar, refusing to break uncomfortable eye contact.

          “Nothing,” Jason said eventually, defeated. Nico jolted. “I may be less important to Nico than you are, Percy, but you still can’t come see him.”

          Nico wanted to tear himself from the bed and deny it. Would he be telling the truth though? God, he felt stupid. He felt conflicted. He felt sick and disgusting. What did these stupid boys want with him anyway?

          “Let him know that I hope he’s okay, and I’m sorry for anything I may have done,” Percy said tentatively. He sounded as though he was unsure whether or not he had crossed a line.

          “No. I told you, I can’t tell him anything, Percy. Not just yet. Soon. I promise.”

          “Promise to call me.”

          “I promise, Percy.”

          Percy sighed. Nico clenched his jaw, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. The door closed with a gentle quick and Nico heard Jason cuss angrily.

          “He was lying, he had to be lying,” Jason muttered to himself. Nico felt another sick surge of guilt about not telling Jason that Percy had kissed him. Jason walked into the room, and Nico tried to fake sleep. The bed dipped and Jason wrapped his arms around Nico’s waist.

          “I know you’re awake,” Jason’s voice said huskily in Nico’s ear.

          “Sorry,” Nico murmured.

          “You heard, didn’t you?”

          “Yeah,” Nico admitted. “I’m sorry about not telling you about Percy, Jason. I should’ve but…”

          “It’s okay,” Jason grunted. “It’s your life. It’s your decision.”

          Nico bit his lip. He thought about what Percy said about how he meant more to Nico than Jason did. Nico hadn’t told Percy how much he had revealed to Jason. He didn’t talk much when they were together. Percy talked enough for two.

          “Just get some sleep,” Jason said finally, pressing a cheek against Nico’s back again. A thin layer of cotton separated Nico from Jason’s warm skin and Nico fell asleep feeling cold.


	13. Chapter 13

**Jason's POV**

          The phone woke Jason up the next morning. They got so few phone calls that the surprise drew him out of bed more than the urgency. The only person who called was Leo, and it was way too early for him to be up.

          “Hello?” Jason said groggily, still trying to see through the white and black spots of sleep that blinded him upon standing.

          “Hey Jason. It’s Annabeth.”

          “Oh… oh hi Ann’beth.” Jason yawned. Sometimes Annabeth and Jason would get together and talk about mythology around the world and their connections to the greek gods. He hadn’t seen much of Annabeth lately, though.

          “Got a minute?” Her voice took an oddly serious tone that Jason hadn’t heard since the days of Gaea. It woke him up instantly.

          “I’ve got hours if you need.” He stretched his arms. “What’s wrong?”

          “I don’t want to talk on the phone. Can you come over to my apartment?” Jason was shuffling through the drawer in the bedroom, shifting the cordless phone to his other ear. Nico groaned and sat up, his hair messed.

          “No problem. I’ll see you in three minutes.” He hung up the phone and pulled out a charcoal shirt and some ordinary jeans.

          “What are you doing?” Nico slumped against the wall.

          “Going over to Annabeth’s.” Jason said. “I’ll be back in a couple hours. Do you need anything?”

          “No,” Nico said, his eyes distant and his voice small. “I’m good.”

          Jason pressed Leo’s odd phone into Nico’s palm. “If you start panicking, call Annabeth. I promise to come straight back.”

          “What’s up with Annabeth?”

          "Dunno," Jason admitted. "Knowing Annabeth, we're probably sitting on top of some ancient god thing."

          Nico relaxed a bit, smiling. "Right. I'll see you later then."

          "Bye." Jason said, leaning in and kissing Nico on the forehead.

* * *

 

          Annabeth flew into an explanation upon opening the door. "Good. Come in, we've got work for you."

          Jason stepped in the room and saw Leo slumped in the chair. Leo waved at him and Jason returned the greeting.

          "We're gonna make things short. There's something in the basement." Annabeth said, her gray eyes churning like the storms that Jason conjured. Jason frowned.

          "Didn't you go in the basement, Leo? With Percy and Nico?"

          "Yeah, there was nothing there. At least, my scanners didn't detect anything. Or my eyes. But I'm not good at seeing through Mist."

          "What do you mean?" Jason asked.

          Leo sat up a bit straighter, looking Jason in the eye. "I came last night to talk to Annabeth about Percy, wanted to know if she knew that he was going around with Nico and stuff."

          "I knew about it, and we had aggreed that both of us need space right now, that's not the point though," Annabeth flicked her hand dismissively. Jason laughed. Percy had told Jason about times that Annabeth had become so caught up in a problem that she would barely notice her surroundings. "When he brought up the basement, I told Leo that I've been trying to figure out ways through the magical barrier."

          "I told her that my sensors didn't detect magic down there."

          "We found that there was a thin magical veil enhanced by some sort of mechanical device in the door of the basement."

          "And it took us all night to figure that shit out." Leo grumbled, rubbing his eyes. "I tried to make something to counteract the properties that the device was sending out, but it was never powerful enough, no matter how many times we adjusted the amount of magic being released."

          "Which means that there's probably an external source of the magic," Annabeth said. "And we can't get in through cunning, which means we have to get in by force. If we destroy the machine, the magic will dissipate and we can find out what's in the basement."

          Jason looked back and forth at the two of them. Both of them were so interested in whatever was in this basement, but Jason thought that it must be something sinister, or possibly a hidden treasure placed there by a god. He didn't really like the idea of breaking into a place that had such stringent security.

          "Why do you guys care so much?" Jason asked.

          "Because, if it were a god's hiding place, they would've hidden it better. No monster from Tartarus is this subtle. To me it seems like a test or a riddle of some sort, and it definitely _felt_ that way trying to unbraid the layers of magic. It may be some sort of... of trove of knowledge or something--"

          "--or treasure," Leo added, smiling. "And it may explain why Nico collapsed. He could sense the magic even though my sensors couldn't. The cloaking works on sensors too. Which is totally unfair, by the way."

          "Why did you call me, then?" Jason said irritably, thinking back upstairs about Nico and curling back in bed.

          "Well, we need to destroy the device. We need electricity." Annabeth shrugged her shoulders and avoided his eyes. Jason rolled his eyes and sighed.

          "Fine." Jason said. Leo jumped up from his chair, eyes bright. Annabeth smiled and clapped her hands together. "But don't blame me when everything falls to shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two short chapters. Thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

Jason decided that he didn’t want to be in the basement as soon as he stood before the door. Nothing that made him feel so cold and hopeless could bode well for him. He shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to touch the doorknob or even look at the door for too long. He glanced back at Leo who seemed to be feeling the same effects. He was rubbing his fingers together uncomfortably and looked at Annabeth for reassurance. She was a rock, the picture of confidence.

“Don’t worry, it’s just how the cloaking device works,” she brushed off. She leaned into the door and examined the doorknob without touching it. “If we came down here and we weren’t affected by the magic I’d be suspicious.”

“I came down here once and didn’t feel this cold before,” Leo said, scratching behind his ear. “This is weird.”

Annabeth jiggled the handle with no luck. It was locked, just like they had suspected. She stood back, her arms crossed before her chest and looked at Jason.

“It’s your time to shine, lighting boy. Try not to accidentally kill us, either.”

Jason laughed uneasily. He was usually good at directing his lightning, but this magic was so uncomfortably strong that he wasn’t sure how it would affect his powers. Jason gripped the doorknob and closed his eyes. Thunder rumbled quietly overhead as Jason focused on summoning power. He let the lightning burst from his palm, melting the doorknob and blackening the wood around it. The whole room was clouded in smoke as Jason unleashed thousands of volts from his fingertips. Once he stopped, the doorknob was still in his hand, melted to fit the shape of his palm, and the door hand swung open with uncomfortable silence.

“I… think you did it,” Leo said, siphoning the smoke away with his own hands. Annabeth was covering her mouth with the collar of her shirt, swatting through the smoke to see into the basement. The cold feeling had disappeared, but Jason wasn’t comfortable with the way the basement made him feel. Annabeth went ahead, her bone knife held out before her. Leo took out a sledgehammer from his tool belt. Jason decided to take that as a hint that he should probably take out his own weapon. He flipped the coin and held the gold sword before him.

“What are we looking for exactly?” Jason asked Leo. Leo was grinning despite holding a hammer at the ready. He shrugged.

“We figured we’d have to fight some baddies while we were down here… there’s got to be some sort of test, you know?”

Jason didn’t like it at all. He looked around the damp, moldy basement for any sign of a godly hiding place or monster’s lair, or anything other than a derelict mortal cellar.

“Shh--!” Annabeth demanded. Jason and Leo stopped shuffling around and strained their ears. A soft, pathetic grunting noise came from the farthest, darkest corners of the basement. Jason knew that particular grunt. It was the grunt of someone gagged, possibly bound. This might be the test. Jason gripped the hilt of his sword, but Annabeth’s face paled as she walked towards the sound without hesitating. It wasn’t like her to advance without precaution, but she did, her knife swinging at her side as she threw open the doors of the closets one by one. They were filled with old newspapers, some filled with dirty PVC pipes, but she finally found the source of the grunting. Tied up with his head bowed low, covered with sweat and grime was Percy Jackson, his eyes glossy and exhausted, his shoulders rounded and weak.

Annabeth’s voice seemed to have been lost completely. Percy smiled weakly around the dirty oilcloth gag and made a noise that sounded vaguely like ‘yaaaay…’ to Jason. Jason was not happy to see Percy at all. He’d heard enough about Percys who show up bruised and beaten and used emotions to manipulate the people beneath him to his will.

“Annabeth, get back.” Jason’s voice was steadier than he had expected it to be. Percy looked over at Jason, his eyes blazing and serious. Annabeth hesitated, but realized the flaw in her actions. She looked furious, more with herself than with Jason. Jason leveled his sword at Percy’s throat and ripped the gag from Percy’s mouth. If this was who he thought it was, the gag was the only reason they weren’t babbling messes right now.

“Who are you?” Jason demanded. Percy sighed and shook his head.

“N…” Percy looked confused at his inability to speak. “Ni…” He sounded like a victim of stroke.

“What sort of test is this?” Leo asked, obviously bummed. “Maybe we have to answer some sort of riddle through a sweaty and smelly Percy.”

“Nico!” Percy burst out finally. That did it. Jason pressed his blade in harder to Percy’s throat. Annabeth yelled in protest and Leo exclaimed in surprise.

“Why did you say that name?” Jason was close to his face, frowning deeply.

“P…pock..pocket…s..” Percy insisted. “m…y…. ‘ock…ts…” Annabeth stepped forward, her blade raised, as she checked through his pockets. She pulled out the ballpoint pen that was Riptide. She took time to really study the pen in its full and capped forms before dropping her shoulders and looking at Percy forlornly.

“Jason, it’s really him. This is really Percy.” Annabeth dropped to her knees and began cutting the bonds away from his hands and feet. Percy rubbed his wrists but didn’t bother to thank Annabeth or even look at her.

"She couldn't... never could take..." Percy struggled, pocketing his weapon again.

"These bruises aren't recent..." Annabeth said, gently examining Percy's wrists. "Percy, how long have you been down here?"

“B-been in here since… since L-Leo asked… to check…” His speech was flowing more freely now, though the way he was looking so intently at Jason was unsettling.

“Dude, you can’t have been here that long, that was like, three weeks ago and we saw you yesterday!” Leo said. “You may have memory loss.”

Percy shook his head aggressively. “Not… Not me! That wasn’t me, it was… it was her!”

Suddenly the whole world softened in Jason’s ears. Every sound was muffled, every little creak and word fell around Jason’s ears without being heard. This was Percy. Riptide proved it. Jason’s heart sped in his chest, his body reacting to the impending rage before his mind caught up. This was Percy. This was Percy. Who was upstairs? Jason knew. He knew and it sent waves upon waves of nausea and panic over his head, his mind screaming and beating against the truth. He was dimly aware of Leo shaking his shoulder. He was barely conscious of Annabeth tending to a shouting Percy.

“Jason. JASON!” Percy finally pierced Jason’s mental silence, his voice breaking in the process. “She let you... find me. She’ll know that you’re here.  She’s gonna… She’s gonna end it.”

Jason felt his mind reel and his muscles tense. He snarled at Percy, emotion finally catchingup to his senses and turned on heel.

“Who 'she'?” Leo asked. Jason wasn’t listening to them anymore. He stormed up the staircase, tearing past shocked mortals with the speed of the winds. He was livid. He felt his anger and pain and rage boiling in his blood. Succubus. Succubus had taken Percy hostage and had been working his way into Nico’s heart this whole time. Succubus had held Nico, Succubus had _kissed_ Nico. And Jason had spoken to the beast that raped Nico _just last night_. Jason roared, a thunderclap echoing his madness. He became less than human, more wind-like as he rose higher and higher, praying to every single god he could remember the name of that Nico was safe, half asleep, smiling, alone, in bed.

Jason reached his room at last. “Nico!” he shouted. But one step in the apartment and Jason knew that it was empty. Jason tried to calm his panic or at least continue channeling it into rage. He wasn’t faring very well. He spun around the room thoughtlessly, hysterically, his little cries of frustration filling him with even greater stress. He had to believe that Nico was safe. He had to believe that Nico could fight against the demon. He had to believe it, because he refused to believe the alternative.

 _Percy’s room,_ Jason’s first clear thought shouted at him. He found the drive again, and the madness reignited in his lungs. He balled his fists and ran to the staircase again, unable to storm up them as he had before. His anxiety was peaking and he was afraid that he would be frozen with terror before he could see Nico again. Just imagining Nico like that… limp… pale… unmoving… the thought terrified him so much that he took the stairs three at a time, slipping and cutting his hand on the handrail. He did not falter.  He ran faster and faster, the combination fear, anger, and physical movement ripped at his lungs so that every breath was filled with nails. Nico is in trouble. It’s the only thought Jason would allow himself to think.

Percy’s door looked so innocent and normal that for a hot moment, Jason was terrified that Nico and that creature weren’t in there. He wouldn't know anywhere else to check and his mind was running through a thousand impossible locations before Jason heard the soft cries of a breathy voice. He ripped the door off its hinges.

                                                                                                                             

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait for this chapter! My cousin accidentally lost my flash drive that had the rest of this story on it, so I have to completely rewrite these next chapters. Please review, let me know what you think!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning in this chapter for graphic depictions of rape.

When Jason was seven years old, he accidentally drank four or five little cups of wine. He walked around the camp in a sick haze, feeling scared though elated. He felt light and weightless, but he also felt like the world had shifted. He didn’t like it one bit. Jason was reminded instantly of this clouded, euphoric, unsettling feeling when he entered Percy’s room. Jason’s anger disappeared almost instantly as he stepped over the threshold. Jason forgot momentarily what he was doing here and why he was so scared and anxious. The gentle moans coming from the far bedroom were so intoxicating that Jason found himself reacting to them.

“The Son of Jupiter arrives at last,” a sultry voice said. Jason floated into the room and saw the most delectable scene that his brain could concoct. Two nude figures, Percy and his Nico were entwined together in each other’s arms. Nico was sitting in Percy’s lap facing him. His chin was on Percy’s shoulder and Jason wanted to imprint the look of ecstasy in the inside of his eyelids forever. Percy turned around and faced Jason.

“So good of you to join us, Jason. I’ve been longing to meet you.” Percy’s face was beautiful. Unearthly beautiful. Percy’s eyes flashed bright red for a moment before melting back to their sea green.

All at once, Jason realized where he was. Like a bolt of lightning, Jason realized who was holding Nico. Jason felt like he had woken from a nightmare and was unable to move any of his muscles. He wanted to scream, he wanted to lunge at the demon and bury his sword in its perfect porcelain flesh, but he couldn’t move a single muscle.

“Jason’s here, Nico.” Succubus mewled. Nico’s eyes fluttered open and he smiled weakly at Jason.

“Hi, Jason.”

Succubus bucked his hips into Nico’s waist and Nico whimpered, frowning slightly with pain. Jason took a single step towards them, raising his sword. That simple move exerted nearly half of Jason’s energy. He was completely under Succubus’s control.

“Nico… fight him!” Jason cried. “Nico, it’s… it’s Succubus!”

Succubus rolled his eyes, pressing Nico closer to his body. Nico shuddered.

“He knows.” Succubus stroked his hair affectionately and kissed his flushed cheek. “You missed me, didn’t you, Nico?”

“Yes,” Nico moaned, pressing his face into Succubus’s neck, kissing it.

“You see, Jason, Nico knows that his feelings towards Percy are fruitless. When he found out that it was me and not the actual Percy Jackson that was advancing upon him, his little hopes were crushed.” Succubus kissed Nico’s lips, Nico responding weakly. “He knows that I can love him more fully than any human ever could.” Succubus’s voice was so sincere that Jason believed him.

Succubus’s voice was soft and gentle, and he stroked Nico’s cheeks. “I love each man that I bed. I love them so much that my heart could burst, and I love the next one even more than the last. So I’m not lying when I say that Nico… right now I have never, ever loved anyone as much as I love you right now.”

“H…He’s lying Nico!” Jason screamed, ripping it from his chest. “He’s not the only one who can love you!”

Succubus snorted. “Are you talking about yourself, Jason Grace? Do you think your flimsy mortal love is any match compared to mine?”

“It’s not a competition. I don’t need anything from Nico to love him. Unlike you. Nico! Please! Don’t give up!”

Jason was fighting him more and more, he could feel Succubus drawing in his magic from Jason to control Nico. Unfortunately with the position they were in, Jason would be unable to stab Succubus outright. Nico was a human shield.

“Nico, don’t listen to him, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He can’t guarantee you eternity-- no mortal can. You can be with Percy forever. You can be happy forever, Nico.” Nico began crying as he rolled his hips back and forth on Succubus’s groin, Succubus moaning as he did so.

“That’s right, Nico,” he breathed. “Let’s finish together.”

“No! Nico!” Jason pleaded. His voice was the only weapon he had left to him. His sword was heavy in his hands and his feet were firmly planted on the ground. Succubus let out a long moan, Nico echoing in a strangled imitation, but he didn’t come. Succubus scowled.

“This shouldn’t be taking so long.” He hissed. “My love, have you been building yourself up? Have you had other lovers in my absence? Oh—you met my father.” Succubus closed his eyes and planted a kiss firmly on his neck.

“Please,” Nico babbled.

“You have what is called the Blessing of Eros, my love. It grants you with unimaginably powerful orgasms, but only if you are in the moment and truly wish for it to happen.” Succubus sighed and stroked down Nico’s back. “Are you saying that you don’t want me? Talk to me, Nico. What did I do wrong? What harm is there of loving you so deeply?”

Jason felt like a pointless bystander with his half-raised sword and his sweating forehead. He couldn’t think through the haze of pleasure, and every idea that he came up with could be foiled as easily as the next. The only way that he would be able to get close to Succubus is to drop his defenses and allow Succubus in. Who knows how that would endanger Nico? Who knows if there was any coming back after that?

“Oh yes, he’s close now.” Succubus smiled, rolling his eyes to the back of his head. “Il mio bambino, coming home at last.” Jason had run out of options.  There was no other alternative. Jason dropped his sword with a clang, startling Succubus at first, causing the beautiful man to frown.

“What do you think you’re doing, sweetheart?” Succubus asked. Jason stepped closer, slowly, his eyes fixed on Succubus. Yes, this was Succubus. Yes, Jason was probably walking to his death, but did that matter? Was that a problem? What would be a better way to die than to die in intense pleasure?

“Jason… Jason, no…” Nico moaned, panting heavily.

“Don’t you dare—” Succubus growled, but too late, Jason ducked in and pulled Succubus into a violent kiss. He flowed every single emotion about love he’d ever felt. Every time he slept with Piper, every unsure thought he had about Nico, every single wet dream or broken heart, all of his insecurities and doubts and fears he flowed through this kiss. Succubus had no choice but to latch on. In his mind he saw the shadow of a young girl, and then all faded to black.

* * *

Jason found himself under a tree on a nice breezy summer day. The meadow smelled like honey suckle and fresh earth. His was the only tree for what seemed to be miles on either side of him. He was letting his tea steep and watching the clouds roll by the bright, clear sun. The sky was so blue that it seemed to fill Jason's lungs with pure oxygen and ease.

“You don’t have the Blessing of Eros, you know.” A gentle, female voice said, behind him. Jason turned and saw a beautiful girl with deep red hair and a round inviting face smiling kindly at him and peering out from behind the tree. She walked over and sat down on the blanket, reaching into the basket to steal a cookie. There was something so familiar and lovely about this girl. There was something about the way her hair rippled in the breeze and how her eyes refracted like precious jewels that reminded Jason dimly of a mother he couldn't recall. He'd never seen this girl in his life, but he knew her. Jason smiled at her and sipped his tea.

“I know.” Jason said. The words came so easily to him. He knew who this was. He knew what was no doubt happening. He didn’t want to imagine the state of his body or even his mind. His reality had condensed to this meadow with this tree and this girl with this breeze. “Please, just let him go.”

“I can’t, Jason.” She tucked her knees under her chin, her sundress hiking up and revealing a bright red flash of her underwear for a second before it was gone. “What I said was true. I love every man that I sleep with. I love Nico dearly. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. I devised this whole plan, duped several people into having this moment happening right now. I love him. And I love you too, Jason. So it hurts me when I say that I have to have him. I know that it'll hurt you too. But you can be reunited within me.”

“Have you taken me yet? Is this inside your body?”

She smiled kindly. “No, I haven’t taken you yet. I’m not entirely sure if this interaction would be possible once I take you. But I’m only delaying the inevitable. I wanted to apologize to your face. I could've taken you right away, you threw yourself at me. But I wanted to speak to you first. You’re a man confident in your sexuality. You know what you want from sex so you seek it. Sons of Zeus." She chuckled. "They know their sex. But that makes you more vulnerable to me. If you know what you want, then I can turn into that exact thing for you. See?” Her stomach shrank and her hair darkened. Jason closed his eyes as the shifting of fabric and the stretching of limbs stopped fully. He knew who she would turn into. He knew it, and that was why he closed his eyes. He couldn't avert his gaze for long, though and he opened his eyes finally. Before him sat the healthiest looking Nico he had ever seen. This Nico was almost unrecognizable from the one he knew in his reality. Nico had no circles beneath his eyes and he was a rich brown color as opposed to his usual ashy white. His black eyes glistened with happiness and his black hair was brushed and out of his face.

“I know what you want,” Nico’s voice came from this hyperreal body. “And I can love you back too. There’s no Percy Jackson in this realm. It’s only me and you.”

Jason sipped his tea. It was a delicious mint tea with just half a teaspoon of honey. It reminded him of home. He looked up at Nico’s face.

“You don’t have to sell me on this. I’m already here. This was my only plan, and all I can do is hope that the other Nico made it away.”

Nico nodded, his eyes downturned.

"Here, though. There's no 'other Nico'. There's just me. I'm just me. I know you don't... You may not believe it right now, but... This is me when I'm healthy and happy... and you don't have to take care of me any more. This is me where you can love me without the guilt. And I want to _love you_ Jason." He pursed his lips and looked back up at Jason with such unimaginable warmth that Jason felt tears come to his eyes. "Let me love you."

“I really do love you, you know.” Jason burst. "I've never... I just-- I really do love you. I want you to be okay. I just need you to be okay. I'll do anything." Nico flushed and smiled, reaching his warm hand to cover Jason’s cold one.

“I love you too, Jason. I appreciate everything you've done for me. I was broken and you fixed me. I love you for everything you've done for me... and everything we'll do together.” It was all that Jason wanted to hear. He felt tears roll down his cheeks as Nico ducked in, about to kiss him.

The teacup shattered. The earth cracked. The once-blue sky was now covered in pitch dark clouds that poured hot blood in sheets. Jason’s eyes widened as he looked around in horror. Everything devolved into horror so quickly. Nico grabbed onto his neck in alarm. The tree he was sitting under was on fire. Nico’s face had turned scaly and desperate, he looked absolutely terrified. He began crying pure oil and was forced away from Jason. He tried to reach Jason, but Jason couldn't keep hold of him.

"J...Jason!" The pitch of his voice was higher. His masculine form was flickering back to the female form of deep red hair and a round face. Her skin flaked and she cried out, weeping.

"Jason, please!" she begged, being ripped to pieces by the razor wire of the grass. Jason couldn't do anything to help her. He could see her pure-black eyes and her scaly skin, her claws that were blood red, but she still looked beautiful and scared. Despite the carnage, it was beautiful. Jason bent to his knees and tried to help her, tried to stay with her. He cried out as her skin began to melt off.

"Don't hurt her!" Jason yelled to the ground, trying but failing to collect her up.  "She was kind to me! She was beautiful! Don't hurt her! Hurt me! Hurt me instead!" She was gone. Eaten up by the coal of the earth and torn to shreds by the world that seemed to be designed to cause him pain. He curled up, covered his head with his hands and cried, "Hurt me instead, bring her back. Hurt me instead."

Jason got his wish. He felt cold. He smelled burning hair. And then he felt the flames. It was like he’d been dipped in gasoline, it was as though the first few layers of his skin were being burned off, the simple cloud world disappearing to a world of only pain and agony. There was no top and bottom to this world. Jason had no body. Jason had no beginning and end. He was as big as the universe and smaller than an atom. Whatever and wherever he was, it _hurt_. If he had toes, they would be regrowing toenails for the sheer purpose of pulling them out. If the had bones, they would be there for shattering. If he had teeth, they were being pulled out slowly and painfully. He couldn't understand this abstract kind of pain. It agonized his soul. Did he have a soul? He didn't have a body. If he didn't have a brain did he have a mind? He must. He knew he was Jason. And he knew that it hurt. He could see the hem of the purple toga of his father walking away. But he didn't really see it. _That man in the toga I call my Father has only ever caused me pain. I'm dropping his memory from this plane of existence because I need less pain._ Was this omniscence? Was it hallucination? _It hurts._ He saw his mother snorting cocaine in the bathroom. She laughed as Thalia ushered him away. Thalia broke his spine. _My mother abandoned me and my sister gave up on me. They are all glass shards in my shoe. I'm dropping them. I don't know who they are anymore._ Were these memories or were they real? He looked at the three year old boy and felt a deep emotional pain. He felt emotional and physical pain. The emotional pain was worse. He saw Leo. He saw Reyna. He saw them laughing at him. _Drop them. All they do is cause me pain._ Was this fair? Was anything real? Was this pain? He would have to know what pain was to know that he was feeling it. Was this pain? Was this life? What was suffering? This was suffering. He wanted to die. If he could curl up, he would. He wished he could’ve stayed with her. What could be worth this agony? If pleasure is good and pain is bad, why should he survive this?

One of the greatest images of pain was Nico. Nico ignoring him, Nico being sick, Nico in pain and sharing it with him. _Drop him. Drop him from your mind... but not completely._ He held onto the name. The greatest person that caused him pain was a tall, tanned, blonde teenager with bright blue eyes and a scar. He didn't think twice. Upon seeing that face, he felt instant and nauseating disgust. He didn't simply drop the person, he shattered it, crushing the pieces under foot. He destroyed what was Jason, and yet the pain overcame him in waves. He wasn’t given the luxury and release of death.

He stayed curled into this eternity of unending torture before another reality began to form. He tried to shield himself as ice hot knives hammered into his skull, if ice picks existed and if he was the owner of a skull. He heard a thousand angel choruses screaming in his mind, chainsaws and nails on chalkboards. He should’ve passed out, his mind shouldn’t be allowing him to take this sort of unceasing pain. How could this keep going? Is this eternity? Is this unending pain the truth behind eternity? How could these questions be asked at all? He couldn't remember language. What was 'Jason' and why would it not drop so easily? Why couldn't he destroy what it was to be 'Jason' and therefore destroy what it was to be in pain? Why hold onto something at all? Why hold onto anything, when everything is covered in barbs? He couldn't remember what 'Nico' was or why it was important, but he held onto it anyway. It was a razorblade word, and he felt that somewhere, just beneath the surface he would understand why it was important. He held onto 'Nico' because he was curious. Just the single utterance of the word caused tremors through his entire being. What was 'Nico'? _Why hold onto it if it's going to hurt me so badly?_  He couldn't grasp the concepts of 'good' or 'important' anymore. If eternity is this unending suffering, what could be important?

“Jason! Jason!!” That was a voice. Definitely a voice. It forced its way through Jason's rapidfire questions. Without language, questions could be asked in quick succession. But that voice. The voice that kept yelling that one word. It was weak, but he latched onto it because it was the only thing in this reality that wasn’t causing him excruciating pain. “Jason! Oh Gods, please help him! JASON!!!” That was it. _That_ was important. He began to form an idea of importance. If anything was of importance, that aloe vera voice was the most important thing in the universe. Like a fish reeled in to the surface, a blurred, colorless phantom of a thin face appeared before him. It was dull, but Jason knew what 'Nico' was now. He knew that this was the thing Nico. This was important. This was what he held onto instead of letting it go and giving up completely. Nico. Nico was a person, just like him. He condensed into a body, eyes and teeth and hair, and he could barely remember what he looked like before he fell back on an invisible floor in constant pain. _That's my face_ , he thought. _And thats a razorblade._ He was able to identify his body, each part of it by the pain that was being caused to it. He tried to call out to Nico, but his throat was on fire, his eyes were moments from bursting from his skull. All was cold. Everything was so cold and he was so alone. Having a body wasn't any better than being formless. The pain was focused. Things had a shape. Nico was a person. Nico was a person. If he could only remember, if he could only have the will to leave this cold, endless hell. And then warmth surrounded him. It was like a memory from a dream from a long time ago, if time existed in this place. The warmth felt so familiar and something about it felt base human. It wasn't painful. It was the flickering and feeble warmth of Nico di Angelo, the exhausted cries of that same boy overpowered the saws cutting through his thigh bones. He needed to breech this world of pain. He needed to fight it. There was someone waiting for him. Someone crying for him. He needed say that he was alright so Nico could stop crying.  _I am Jason_. He needed to be Jason.

Flashes of his physical life dazzled him for a moment and Jason burst forth, taking sharp, gasping breaths of air. The hues of the world were saturated, every sound was magnified. Jason got a headache from an overload of the senses, but it was nothing compared to the pain he was facing before. He held onto Nico’s hand, Nico crying and laughing hysterically on Jason’s shoulder as Jason paid attention to every throbbing muscle that composed his body. He had a body. He had senses. He had a form and a purpose. He ached, but he didn’t hurt anymore. He felt sharp stings on his chest and his breathing was ragged, but his skull wasn’t being shattered and his jaw wasn't being unhinged. Nico. Nico was here. Slowly, he became aware of everything other than Nico. It took several minutes to identify the delicious liquid being poured into his mouth as Nectar, and even longer to recognize the brown hand that tipped the spoon periodically as Leo’s. Knowledge about the physical world filled his head with rapidity that it gave him another splitting headache, chair, table, floor, ceiling, up, gravity, sky, sun, hand, no, stomach, help, help help, _help--_

He was propped up against the wall, bandaged heavily of the chest and arms. He tried to comprehend what he was seeing, but words would not come. He nearly forgot how to speak English before he heard Nico speak small encouraging words to him.

The room was bathed in blood. That much he could tell. By the looks of his wounds, most of it was his. Leo was taking care of him and Nico, who looked shaken, but physically unhurt. Three people stood around a bed. Yes, it was a bed. He saw a toe peeking out from beneath the sheets. His heart fell into his stomach. He tried to move his muscles, he pushed himself up the wall, forcing himself to stand on his swollen feet. _Walk, it's called walking you idiot, move move move--_ The people he couldn’t properly identify said something in a language he knew that he was supposed to understand but it didn’t matter. The sudden movement exhausted him, but he had to see. He gained tunnel vision as he ripped the sheets away from the body. The beautiful red-headed girl from beneath the tree lay soaked in blood, nude, tiny in death, her eyes glowing like opals and a gentle smile above her cleanly-slit throat. Jason cried out in pain. This surely was another reality in which pain commanded with an iron fist. His entire being wanted her, even now in death, he wanted her. He wanted to fill his stomach with her, put his cock in her, he wanted to dress her up and bathe her and-- How could someone do something like this to her? All she had wanted was love. Jason would give it to her, even in death, he was determined. He wanted to drape his body across the corpse, but Nico was there, his hands up, his eyes drowning in tears.

“Jason, she’s _bad_. She’s bad. She lied to you. She’s bad, Jason, please believe me.” Jason didn’t know why Nico was the only one he was able to understand, but Jason stopped. The thoughts. Corpses can't feel love. The warm Nico could feel love. The love he felt towards Nico was tinged with pain, while hers was completely painless. Something, call it instinct, told Jason that the love was meaningless without the pain. He trusted Nico, but only because Nico caused him pain. He was breathing with a stitch in his side, his limbs heavy. He opened his mouth and tried to form words.

“She... shewa.. Shes. Love h...you. Love... said you were...” Jason couldn’t articulate. “healthy. You _were_. Brown skin and… eyes. You were…”

Nico was crying in earnest, the fear obvious in his eyes. What was he so scared of? Jason was proud of his ability to converse. He was proud of his personal ability to stop himself from ripping off a piece of her flesh and eating it coppery and raw. If Nico wasn't here-- if Nico wasn't....

“She showed you a vision. She showed you something that’s not here.” Nico pleaded. Jason took in the thin, pale boy with heavy black bags beneath obsidian eyes. The Nico of the meadow was far from the reality of this semi-nude boy. This was _the_ reality, though. Jason had to accept that. There were other realities, and in this reality, Nico was thin, the corpse beauty was a liar, and Jason was blonde. Jason put his hands on Nico’s shoulders and nodded once. Nico’s tears spilled over down his cheeks. Jason finally felt the familiar lightheadedness of impending unconsciousness take over him. He blacked out before he even hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually quite glad that I'm able to rewrite these chapters. I get to explore Jason's madness a little deeper. There is going to be somewhat of a wait between this and the next chapter; I have to rewrite it and also wait until I have internet access. Let me know what you think!


	16. Chapter 16

**Percy's POV**

Percy watched in incredulity as Jason stormed out of the basement, literally. He was swept up in what looked like charcoal clouds that sparked with lighting and was gone. Percy was panting with the little bit of effort he'd exerted just to stand.

"Percy, what the _hell_ is going on?" Annabeth demanded. "Who is this monster?"

"Her name is Succubus," Percy said, his tongue working in his mouth much better now. He assumed that the gag had been charmed, and the magic was wearing off now. "She's a demon who--"

"Steals the souls of men through sex..." Annabeth frowned. "Yeah, I've heard of her. But... that's a medieval demon, not a greek or roman one. I always thought that it was an _emposai_ identified incorrectly by mortals."

Percy shook his head. "We have to get moving, though, while we still have time. _If_ we still have time. She'll be hard to subdue, especially if Nico..." Percy didn't want to think about that. Just the concept that his face would be the last thing Nico sees before death was so unsettling that Percy had to push past it. Thankfully, neither Annabeth nor Leo asked why Succubus took the shape of Percy.

"What do we do, boss?" Leo said, helping Percy stand by taking his other shoulder around his neck. "You're the only one who knows anything about this monster."

Percy thought hard, limping up the stairs awkwardly. His mind didn't want to function. He was so exhausted after being held captive, he just wanted to take a nap in a comfortable bed. Maybe with Annabeth, he couldn't tell yet. Succubus had done enough to him while she had him. They set him down on a chair in the hallway and waited for him to speak. Percy gathered his thoughts together and began to give orders.

"Annabeth, you get Piper and Hazel. Brief them. You three are going to meet her head-on. Have Hazel and Piper counter the demon's magic and charmspeak. I don't know how, but figure it out. Succubus will probably be in my room. It's where she's made base, it would be where she's most comfortable." He turned. "Leo, get Frank and contact Chiron as fast as possible. Tell him to bring girls from the Apollo cabin, Aphrodite cabin, Athena cabin and the Hypnos cabin, if possible. Emphasize _girls_ _._ Succubus may be able to take the shape of any person, but she can only lure males. Leo, whatever you do, don't go to my room, got it?" Both nodded.

"What are you going to do?"

"I was going to try and contact Thalia." Percy said. "There's not much I can do. I can barely walk, I can't even go up there, she..." Percy swallowed and looked away. "She got into my head. I'd be susceptible. I may even attack one of my own."

"Why didn't you stop Jason, then?" Leo said, frowning.

Percy laughed sadly. "There was no stopping him. Reason wouldn't appeal to him. Now go, go... we may even be able to save Nico."

* * *

**Annabeth's POV**

Annabeth gathered Piper and Hazel and told them what was going on. It was sad to watch their carefree faces solidify into the warrior-like marble. Annabeth was glad, though, that they didn't panic and were ready for battle immediately. Hazel looked scared and angry, but Annabeth didn't doubt her when it came to battle.

"Why Nico?" Hazel demanded, her gold eyes flashing. "What did he ever do?"

"I don't know," Annabeth said, frowning thoughtfully. "I've been wondering the same thing myself."

"And Succubus took the form of Percy to steal him?" Piper asked. Annabeth nodded. She knew what that meant. The other two knew what that meant as well, but no one said anything out loud. They turned, holding their weapons aloft, slipping on quick breastplates and heading in wedge formation to Percy's room.

* * *

 **Leo's POV**  
  
"A monster? Here?"

"Yes." Leo said calmly, digging through the scraps in his bedroom. He'd dragged Frank from his room down the hall to Leo's room, promising to explain on the way.

"What do we do?"

"Right now, I'm trying to call Camp Half Blood and Chiron so they can send some girls to help us." Leo said, tossing odd monitors and remote controls over his shoulder. "There's not much we can do, Frank. We're guys."

"Hazel's going to charge the monster with Annabeth and Piper?"

"Yeah, dude, keep up."

"I'm just trying to cover all of the bases. They don't have back up. We _have_ to be the back up, just in case." Frank insisted.

"We can't," Leo said. "Percy said that we may fall under the influence of the monster or whatever."

"But what if we confuse it instead?" Frank reasoned. "What if there are so many men, it's unable to choose which one to pick?"

Leo shrugged.

"Or, what if it draws so much power from the dudes that it becomes ultra powerful? I'm playing it safe." Leo said, still rifling through the junk. He finally found the monitor he was looking for and began twisting the knobs and fiddling with the controls. Frank slammed his fist on the table.

"I refuse to sit back and let Hazel be up there without back up. I don't care if it's dangerous, I think I can control myself." Frank seemed to collect his nerve before continuing. "I'm-- I'm asexual. I won't be put under the demon's power. And you need to come too, Leo, we may confuse it. We _have_ to try. Piper and Annabeth are up there. They're risking their lives for us. Nico and Jason are fighting also."

Leo's eyebrows raised at the asexual bit, though it did seem to make sense to him. Now wasn't the time to talk about it. Would Frank even be susceptible to Succubus's advances? Personally, Leo didn't want to find out. As for Nico...Leo didn't want to think about Nico. He was pretty certain that Nico was... But no, he had to hope that Annabeth and Hazel would be there with enough time to save the stupid skinny boy. They still hadn't listened to the Lord of the Rings audiobooks yet. Leo laughed at such a frivolous though, the sound shocking him and Frank. He wiped his eyes and nodded.

"Okay. We'll be back up, _only_ _until_ the girls from Camp Half Blood get here." He looked back down at the monitor and saw Bunker 9 illuminated before him. One of his sisters waved happily at him, but Leo shook his head. She frowned and walked towards him, fiddling with some of the knobs so that the sound was on the other end as well.

"What's up, Leo?"

"Take me up to Chiron immediately. I can't explain,  Isabelle, it's an emergency."

"But Leo--"

"Isabelle, people are dying!" Leo said impatiently. That shut her up. She tucked the monitor into her bag and the screen was black for a moment. The next face Leo saw was his instructor's, Chiron. Leo breathed a sigh of relief.

"What is it, Leo?"

"There's a monster here, I--" He felt a little uncomfortable mentioning sex in front of his teacher, but he had to. "Its name is Succubus, it's this monster that--"

"I know of that particular monster," Chiron said darkly. "Did she target someone?"

"Nico. She's got him now, sir. Jason went after it alone, but Annabeth, Hazel, and Piper are staging an attack."

"Good. "

"We need you to send girls.  Apollo girls, Athena, Aphrodite-- " Leo shook his head, scared. "Sir, you said you know this monster? Will Nico be alright?"

Chiron pursed his lips and looked away from the monitor. "If she's got Nico... it would take a miracle." That sentence chilled Nico to the bones. "And she'll go right onto Jason, so be careful. The more souls she consumes, the stronger she gets. I'll send as many as I can on the pegasi we have in the stables, but they won't reach you for another hour, fourty-five minutes at best."

 _An hour?_  Nico and Jason were goners in an hour. He looked up at Frank who's brows were furrowed.

"Keep safe boys. She may not be able to steal the souls of women, but she can certainly kill them." Chiron, bringer of joyful news. "I'll be there as soon as I can." The screen went blank.

"There is absolutely no way that I'm leaving them up there undefended." Frank boomed. "I'm going." Leo pursed his lips.

"Me too. I'm going. I can't do nothing for an hour." Leo scooped up scraps, some of his noise-cancelling headphones, a few monitors, speakers--and he followed Frank to his room.

* * *

**Hazel's POV**

"The magic is so... it's so strong," Hazel said, terrified, her hand in front of the door. They were inside Percy's room, standing before the bedroom door. The bedroom door was cemented shut, completely breech proof. There wasn't a single hole in the magic at all. It was powerful. Hazel kept trying to bend the barrier, see if she couldn't find a small break in its fabric, but it was impenetrable.

"Doors are meant to open," Piper spoke so well that Hazel believed it. She felt the magic flutter, but it didn't thin. "Doors connect two rooms, they have the ability to open. Open for me door, open." Piper was so persuasive, Hazel concentrated so hard on the fabric, but its security was strong. Annabeth hissed, kicking the door uselessly with her foot.

"Jason's inside too," Annabeth said. "I don't want to lose two people--"

Hazel whipped around, "Nico will be fine! He'll fight it." She honestly couldn't tell through the door if Nico was gone or not. The magic messed with her sense of living and dead. She was as in the dark about Nico's life as Annabeth was.

"Wood is old, it is meant to decay," Piper tried, her voice pressing against the door. "Age, age, rots the wood and rusts the metal. Decay, decay," She whispered. Hazel went with that, but the door was stubbornly new and unchanged. Hazel began to cry out in frustration, kicking the door also, but it did nothing. Piper wiped her face with her hands and began yelling commands.

"Open! Open! Decay! Rot! Open this door!" Piper cried. Hazel felt something flutter for a moment and clutched onto it. The barrier had flickered for a moment and Hazel had just caught it.

"I've--!" Hazel said. She pressed her everything into the door, every bit of her magical training flowed through her as Piper spoke to the door again. The door burst into little splinters, the barrier shattered. Piper and Annabeth charged in behind Hazel. The sight that met their eyes was intensely disturbing.

Jason was kissing Succubus-as-Percy. One arm was curled around his neck and clutching his brown hair. The other arm was pressing Nico away from the monster, as though trying to take over. Nico was completely nude, penetrated by Succubus. Nico hit Jason with fists, screaming at the top of his lungs. But he was alive. Nico wasn't dead, he wasn't soulless, he was _alive_.  Hazel rushed forward and pulled Nico off of Succubus. Nico seemed to gain two hundred pounds. He stopped hitting Jason and tried to clutch onto Succubus. He screamed in pain, his eyes squeezed shut as Hazel pulled him backwards to the floor. She saw why only after Nico was disconnected from the monster. Succubus's penis was barbed, like a cat's. It didn't want Nico to leave, so it tore Nico up from the inside. It was horrifying. Hazel tried to avert her eyes from Nico's nude body, trying to at least preserve his modesty. Nico had no thoughts of his modesty or covering up. He was screaming in pain, struggling feebly to return to the bed; his eyes were bugged out, he was drooling and screaming incoherently. He looked to helpless and pathetic that Hazel barely recognized him as the brother she knew.

"Nico--! Nico!" Hazel screamed, forcing her brother to look at him. Annabeth and Piper were trying to break the protection that Succubus had around itself and they would need Hazel's help, but Nico needed to be safe first.

"Save him!" Nico shrieked, finally coherent. "Save him!"

Hazel was shocked. Did Nico mean Succubus or Jason?

"We're going to save him, Nico, please sit!"

"H-Hazel!" He screamed. "I fucked up! I fucked up, Hazel I--" He sobbed, his legs wobbling as he fell to his knees. He must be in excruciating pain, Hazel thought as blood dribbled down his inner thighs and onto the floor. He looked paler than usual. She pulled a square of ambrosia out of her pocket and gave it to Nico. He stared at it sadly.

"Hazel, I don't... I don't want to get better."

Hazel snatched it from him and shoved it in his mouth, forcing him to chew it.

"Don't let me worry about you! We'll save him. Stay here."

Nico swallowed the ambrosia, crying silently as Hazel turned around. Jason was slashed all over his chest and back-- it looked at though a tiger had attacked him. He was bleeding profusely, the cuts were deep. His open eyes were completely milky white and he was smiling softly. Succubus now took the form of Nico, which shocked Hazel even more. She had expected it to take Piper's form, and so apparently, had Piper. She was speechless, unable to think of ways to counter the charmspeak. Annabeth was landing blows that were coming closer and closer to connecting with Succubus's skin. Hazel began bending Succubus's magic right away and Succubus-as-Nico disappeared. A red-headed girl with smooth curves and bright pale skin sat in his place; the unmasked Succubus.

"You're all so meddlesome!" she shrieked, lashing out with her magic. "I'll steal him, I swear to it!"

"You don't have enough power!" Piper yelled viciously. "You can't even maintain form!"

"I have more than enough to take him," she said, kissing his neck and striping his chest and arm with another deep gash with her razorblade fingernails. The bed was soaked in Jason's blood, and he looked so unearthly pale that Hazel was  worried that he would die of blood loss before they could break through Succubus's barrier. She was willing to sacrifice him because she was too weak to steal his soul.

"Liar!" Annabeth said, dodging a few of her attacks before making contact with Succubus's thigh. "If he was gone, you wouldn't stay here longer! You'd be more powerful!"

Succubus hissed at how Annabeth grazed her thigh. She glared at Annabeth.

"You hurt my Nico." Her voice was low and accusatory. "You had everything my Nico wanted and you didn't _bother_ to be humble about it. Don't you address me, Annabeth Chase."

Annabeth looked shocked at being addressed as such. Hazel didn't know how to trick this monster, its magic was so unlike anything she had ever studied. She tried to ignore everything th at Succubus was saying about Nico and his emotions, she didn't want to tread into his secrets if he didn't want her there. She needed to focus on stopping the demon. she couldn't get emotional. Not now. She heard Nico groaning behind her.

"I... I'm not worried about that now! I'm going to stop you!" Annabeth didn't seem to know what to say. Piper looked frustrated, though focused.

"We need a distraction..." Piper murmured, Annabeth nodding. Whatever Jason had done to distract Succubus to free Nico had worked. but she wouldn't fall for something like that twice. Succubus kissed Jason's neck and face.

"Come home with me," she whispered.

That was it. Hazel thought. He would die or be stolen and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. Hazel began to cry in frustration, Piper's screaming was hoarse. Jason was going to die, there was nothing they could do. Hazel almost dropped her hands in defeat until her boyfriend as a four hundred pound grizzly bear came bursting into the bedroom, claws out and roaring. Needless to say, Succubus was sufficiently distracted. Hazel sprang back into action, Succubus's defenses shattered in shock. Piper lunged forward and pulled Jason from Succubus's grasp, Annabeth grabbing his other arm. They dragged him over to Nico as he shrieked his head off, the noise feral and guttural. The sound tore through Hazel, she wanted to do anything to stop it. It was the sound of insanity. Jason was drooling and bleeding, his heart beating faster and faster, causing more and more blood to pump out of him. She could feel his life force pulsing, ebbing, threatening to break. If he continued freaking out, he would die from blood loss. Hazel held Succubus in her own barrier, keeping her from reaching back out to pluck one of the boys up again. Annabeth was there in a second, kneeling over the beautiful monster.

Annabeth held Succubus down by the shoulder and slit her throat with the other hand. Quickly. Thoughtlessly. Annabeth was a machine when she needed to be, and she ended Succubus quickly. Succubus just barely had time to clutch at her throat in shock and smile in surprise. She fluttered her eyelashes beautifully at Annabeth before lying completely still. Frank morphed back into a human, looking from person to person. Hazel was overcome with a great weight on her shoulders, she felt more drained than she had ever felt. Frank looked dead on his feet. Jason was still screaming at the top of his lungs, Nico trying and failing to console him.

"Why didn't she dissolve?" Annabeth asked, disgusted. Tears formed in Annabeth's eyes, though she tilted her head away to draw attention away. "What _is_ she?"

"Chiron... Chiron heard about her..." Frank said, staring at the corpse as though analyzing it. He stepped forward and drew the blanket over her body. "Reinforcements are coming. It... You seemed to do pretty well on your own, though."

"What?" Piper said, trying to hear over Jason's shrieks. She shook her head, put her hands over her ears and burst into tears. "What's happening? What is _happening_?"

"Did you kill the baddie?" Leo smiled, poking his head in. His smile disappeared immediately seeing the bloodied mass that was his best friends. "Is that Jason?" Leo said, terrified. He ran into the room and saw Jason screaming in the corner. "He's... he's going to be insane--"

"No he's not!" Nico's scratchy voice sobbed. "He'll be okay! Jason! Oh Gods help him, JASON!!" Nico was sobbing, clutching onto Jason's arms. Leo said nothing as he poured Nectar into Jason's open mouth. He gargled it with his screams but it eventually slid down his esophagus. After fifteen minutes of this, Jason's screams seemed to die away, filling the room with an eerie silence.  Nico seemed to reach his crying limit too. He lay down next to Jason, exhausted. Jason's breathing was incredibly shallow and any skin of his that wasn't shredded was almost as pale as Nico's. Nico clutched onto him.

"We need medicine," Leo said, shaking his head. "The nectar's not gonna do it."

"Apollo's girls are on their way," Frank said, clutching his head. "I... I gotta get out of here."

"Please check on Percy for me," Annabeth said, her voice shockingly weak as well. "He's on the ground floor. By the basement."

"Okay," Frank said, resting a hand on her shoulder consolingly before leaving the room. Leo pulled a wrapped roll of gauze from his tool belt and began bandaging the limp Jason.  Hazel fell to her knees, no one else paying her any mind. She curled up next to Nico and passed out, unable to take anymore.

* * *

**Leo's POV**

"Come on, buddy." Leo said, beginning to hyperventilate. He wanted to yell at the others to snap out of it, but he couldn't blame them. There was a kind of daze that filled the room, and he wasn't able to think straight. Usually he was good at thinking about several things at once, but he couldn't make room in his head for more than one task at a time. The task now was to bandage Jason. Help Jason.  He tipped more and more Nectar into his mouth. His status didn't change at all. Nico moved limply to clutch onto Jason's body.

"Did you want some underwear?" Leo said, pulling out a pair of briefs from his pocket. He'd stopped by Jason's room just in case Nico and Jason would be nude and in need of clothes. Nico nodded tiredly, slipping them up his legs, wincing as he did so. Leo couldn't help but to notice the blood dribbling down his thighs. He didn't want to think about it.

"You survived," Leo said gently. Nico smiled automatically, dipping his head into Jason's shoulder. He pressed his body closer and closer to Jason's. It was unsettling to Leo. This action wasn't romantic, it was more like a scene from a horror movie. They were like two corpses trying to pool the leftover heat of life  between them before they passed into the next stage of zombie-insanity. Jason's breathing was so shallow that it was difficult to detect. His heartbeat was erratic and fading. Nico just held onto him like there was nothing at all wrong.

Jason gasped all of the sudden, his eyes flying open. They faded from pure white to their natural blue. Something about his face was off, though. Something about him didn't seem very Jason. His eyes darted  from item to item, resting on Nico's gentle face each time. Nico was crying softly, Leo hadn't noticed. He began laughing, the sound broken and odd to Leo's ears. Jason's eyes were far away, so unlike him that Leo began to wonder if his friend was all there.

Jason's face fell and he scrambled to his feet, half dragging his leg and half stomping a foot. Annabeth shouted in alarm, Piper shook her head and turned away. Leo tried to call to Jason, but Nico was already there. Jason looked at Succubus's body, Nico shouted things at him, and Jason passed out.

Frank ran back into the room wearing a gas mask, looking panicked.

"Chiron is here. He says that Succubus's decaying body instantly lets out a gas that can kill slowly. Everyone get out, is basically what I'm saying."

No one moved. Nico was sitting on his calves, stroking Jason's blonde hair. Leo blinked slowly at Frank, his mind blissfully blank. Piper was crying silently in the corner and Annabeth was shaking her head back and forth, like she could hear some music in the distance and it was beautiful. Hazel was still asleep. Frank grunted, walking into the room and slinging Hazel over one shoulder and Nico over the other. Nico shouted in alarm, Hazel was slumped, limp as a doll. He returned back to pick up Piper and Annabeth, at last coming for Leo and Jason. Leo felt so tired, scared, and dying. He lifted his arms for Frank when he came back. He felt like a toddler. He just wanted to be held. He wanted Frank to hold onto him. Like the daddy he never had. When Frank put him down out in the hall, he began crying like a toddler.

Percy was sitting across the hall from everyone and smiled weakly. Frank stood guard over them, the healers from the Apollo cabin taking them one by one down in the elevator, supposedly to a makeshift hospital wing. Chiron came to speak to Frank, but Leo didn't pay attention to that. Nico and Jason went down together as priority. They both looked so near death. Leo was so proud. They weren't dead. Not yet. He found his eyelids growing heavy. Before he knew it, he was fast asleep, drifting over clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, I won't be able to post any chapters on the weekends. The story's almost over anyway, kind of. So, this one sort of jumps from POV to POV because there was just a lot going on that you needed to be aware of. Let me know what you think!


	17. Chapter 17

Succubus didn't go down without a fight. Piper, Hazel, Annabeth, and Leo were bedridden for three nights before Succubus's toxin completely worked its way through their bodies. Without the quick work of the Apollo healers, they could have been paralyzed or suffered brain damage. They left their beds perfectly healthy. Percy, Nico and Jason were not so lucky. In Percy's case, while Succubus never had sex with him, she dug in his mind for bits of his personality that she could use to deceive Nico. She scrambled his brain and didn't step lightly. He had horrible night terrors that he would wake from screaming and begging. Nico would catch Percy's cries and echo his pain. Jason would stare into space indifferently. Annabeth was by his bedside almost constantly. Nico felt the familiar sickness of jealousy, and it would sometimes trigger more panic attacks. Percy was getting better though, as weeks passed, sitting up and joking with Leo and Chiron. 

Nico, on the other hand, was awful. He would see flashes of Percy-Succubus standing among the healers; he would have blissful wet dreams about kissing Percy, Percy penetrating him and moaning ever so sweetly. He would wake from these dreams sick to his stomach, unable to eat anything for hours. He felt guilty, disgusting, unworthy. Percy didn't want him like that. Succubus wanted to steal him. That's all that was. The way he felt towards Percy was a mixture of ice cream and motor oil. He couldn't take a spoonful without tasting the sweet and poison. It tore his head with confusion. The hallucinations were worse at night. Like a dream, Percy would crawl into his bed and kiss his cheek and hold him close. Nico would push him away but Percy would keep advancing, advancing, _No_ _, Percy_ _please_ _, don_ _'t_ _touch_ _me_ _, dont_ _touch_ _me_ _\-- **It**_ ** _'s_** ** _just_** ** _a_** ** _kiss_** ** _, Nico_** ** _, it_** ** _'s_** ** _affectionate_** ** _... "_** PERCY GET OFF OF ME!" Nico would scream out loud, torn from his dream-hallucination and realize that he was alone in his bed. Percy, propped up by pillows a few beds away, looked away sadly and tried to pretend that he didn't hear Nico's exclamation. 

Nico knew that he was bad. Nico knew that he had a tentative grasp on reality at least. He was nothing compared to Jason. Jason spent most of his time sleeping, mumbling in Latin, and staring at Nico. The healers were baffled by him, none of their magic herbal mixtures made any sort of progress on him. Nico could barely stand it. Jason had risked his soul-- his _mind_ to save Nico, and he was forced to stay in this half-life. He would sit up, turn to Nico and smile.

"Nico," He would say, clear and strong. Nico would nod, smiling and trying to hide his tears. "Nico." Jason would nod, lean back into his pillows, close his eyes and whisper Nico's name to himself. It scared Nico so much. Sometimes, Jason would writhe in his bed, tearing his sheets off of himself. He would scream at the top of his lungs, Nico would curl up under his sheets, press his hands over his ears and whisper to himself, _It_ _'s_ _okay_ _, it_ _'s_ _okay_ _, it_ _'s_ _okay_ _, it_ _'s_ _okay_ _, it_ _'s_ _okay_ _\--_ while the Healers gagged and sedated Jason. They were afraid that he would give himself an anyeurism or a heart attack. There wasn't much they could do for him other than make sure he was comfortable. Jason would giggle. Jason would cry. Jason would turn to Nico and invite him to "The Meadow". Nico always agreed to go with him, but there was no meadow around Camp Half Blood. It was all forest.

He'd been like this for nearly a month. Nico could hear them muttering about psychiatric homes and shaking their heads in defeat. Any time he was in earshot, Nico would bellow at them to not give up on Jason. He was in there, Nico knew it. He just knew it. He was just scrambled a little more. It wasn't _fair_. Jason had met Cupid too. Why hadn't he received the Blessing of Eros? Why was it only Nico? Somehow, Nico knew that it wasn't only the Blessing that differentiated himself from Jason. Jason went in with no reserve. He didn't fight. Nico fought with every ounce of effort in his body.

On this particular night, about five weeks from fighting Succubus, Nico was having a conversation with Jason. He liked doing this, following Jason's train of thoughts to see if there was a pattern that could be unraveled. For some reason, Nico was the only one that Jason seemed able to understand. 

"I'm Jason," Jason said, touching his chest. "I'm here to help you."

"Thank you, you've already helped me, Jason."

"Good," Jason nodded once. "Did you eat?"

"Yes, I ate."

"Did you drink?"

"Yes, I drank, Jason. We both just had dinner." Nico said. "Steak, it's your favorite."

" _You're_ my favorite." Jason said these phrases so clearly and fully, it was like absolute truth.

"There are different kinds of favorites," Nico said, trying to teach him, yet again. "Steak is your favorite food to eat."

"I like tea." Jason said. Nico knew this. Jason drank about nine cups of mint tea a day, half a spoon of honey.

"Yes, mint tea is very good." Nico agreed. "Do you like any other teas?"

"Maybe. I haven't tried any other teas." Jason laughed. Nico smiled.

"Maybe you should. Black tea is one of my favorite. Jasmine is good with milk."

"I don't like milk."

"You can have it without milk, then."

"I love you," Jason said, staring Nico in the eyes. Nico was never ready when Jason said things like this. He felt his cheeks warm with embarrassment and he looked away from Jason's bright blue eyes.

"Jason, don't say that," Nico said softly.

"I love you, though. More than mint tea. More than the Beautiful One." Jason said. It unsettled Nico, it made him so uncomfortable. Was this mentality Nico's fault? Was Jason like this because of how he felt for Nico?

"That's very nice of you."

"You have brown skin." Jason said, smiling. "Brown skin and not-tired eyes."

"I did. I did have brown skin when I was younger." Nico said. He knew that Succubus turned into Nico briefly when she had Jason, and that this Nico looked whole and healthy. Nico hadn't been whole or healthy for years.

"You will. I promise." Jason said. Nico hated that the most. He promised these great things to Nico and it broke him apart. Whenever Jason made a promise, it was more like a vow. Of course, how was he supposed to trust anything that Jason said? How was a promise worth anything from this babbling mess? Nico wanted to believe though. So he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I split up this chapter into two little parts because they had different core ideas. So. Yeah! Tell me what you think!


	18. Chapter 18

Jason had just returned from the nightly showers, escorted by Leo. The sun had just set and there was a wet and heavylook to the overcast skies. Jason was able to bathe himself well enough, Leo didn't have to help him with that part, but for the most part no one really trusted Jason to walk out of the infirmary and be able to find it afterwards. He seemed harmless, helpless, lost, but happy. Leo kept up a constant flow of conversation at which Jason nodded blankly. Leo knew that Jason couldn't understand him, and it hurt Nico to see how hard Leo tried and failed to connect to his best friend.

"So I told Piper, I said, don't bug her about it, it's only a brand of shoe! She looked at me like I had four heads and an extra tail. I don't think I'll ever understand the ultimate sin that is off-brand clothe--"

"Nico!" Jason interrupted, upon seeing Nico. Nico was propped up in his bed alone in the empty infirmary.  He looked up from his book and waved. Leo chuckled. Jason winced, but walked ahead with determination.

"Hey there blondie," Nico said, smiling sadly. He always felt sad when he looked at Jason lately. The sadness was becoming muddled and started to feel more like acceptance. "How was the shower?"

"It turned to snow," Jason said, scratching the inside of his ear. "I went home."

"That's nice," Nico said, as always, uncertain of Jason's train of thought.  "Did you have fun with Leo?"

"Leo's my best friend," Jason said, looking up at Leo who laughed softly. He waved goodbye to Jason and told Nico to take care. Jason's smile fell off of his face. "He's sad. Everyone's sad around me."

"Because we don't know what's wrong with you, Jason." Nico said. Jason glared at Nico, slipped under the covers of his bed, saying nothing. Nico was about to return to his book when Jason let out a grunt of frustration.

" _Nothing is wrong!_ I am Jason! You are Nico! He is Leo, she is Piper, she is Annabeth, and the Beautiful One is evil! I am Jason! I am _Jason_..." Jason looked pained. Nico hated how close Jason was and how far away he was at the same time. Jason had the weakest, feeblest grasp on reality and considered it a major victory. Nico wondered tentatively what sort of fighting he had to do just know who he was. 

"Yes, that's all true, Jason." Nico agreed. "But there's something else."

" _What_ _?_ " Jason demanded. "If I can make you happy, Jason will have done right. I-- I will have done it right."

"I am happy!" Nico said, not believing it fully himself. "I'm happy that you're here, that you're healthy. I'm happy that you can talk to me and know who Piper is. But you can't understand them, Leo and Piper and Annabeth. Aren't you worried about that?" Nico had picked over this topic with Jason so many times, but Jason couldn't seem to hold onto any one idea for too long. Nico knew how he was going to react.

"I don't need to know what they say," Jason said. "I know what you say."

"It's important to know what everyone else is saying to you," Nico sighed. He wanted to stop his mouth from repeating conversations he'd already had, but regardless of its repetition, he had to make Jason understand. Somehow.

"No," Jason stated, pulling the blankets to his chin. "You're important. That's it." He closed his eyes as though the matter was settled, when it clearly wasn't. He was scatterbrained, serious short and long-term memory issues, had a limited attention span, visual and painful hallucinations, object impermanence, and an unhealthy faith in all things Nico di Angelo. Jason was sick. There was nothing that Nico could do about it.

Percy walked in the room, tentatively. He'd been out of the hospital wing for a couple weeks now, and he _never_ visited. Sometimes Percy would come in with severe migraines, but he stayed as far away from Nico as possible, as it was when he was a lodger in the infirmary. Sometimes his face triggered panic attacks in Nico, it was seemingly random and unpredictable. Nico tried his best never to look at or think about Percy Jackson too long.  But he was here now, and Nico had just braced himself.

"Percy," Jason said darkly. Jason didn't like Percy either. Nico rested a hand on Jason's hand and looked up at Percy.

"What?"

"There's uh... someone... someone's here to see you." Percy sounded a little scared and confused. "She says she's... she says she's a messenger of Night? And... uh..." Percy closed his eyes and breathed out. "She's a daughter of Mania."

Nico's heart dropped in his stomach. A daughter of Mania. Mania was the goddess of insanity. Nico looked at Jason who was still glaring at Percy with the visual equivalent of gorgon's blood. Nico shook his head, terrified.  He didn't want to lose Jason. Even _this_ Jason was a shade of the Jason he knew. He didn't want to lose him. But... if she was a messenger of Night, he couldn't ignore her.

"Send her in," Nico said, his voice heavy.

"Already in." Nico heard her before he saw her. She walked in around Percy. She was just a normal girl. Nico had expected an old, witchy-looking woman with a hump and gnarled fingers. What he saw was a regular-looking girl with brown skin, a long nose, and brown eyes. Her brown hair was braided in two rows down her back, little black bows tied the ends of each plait.  She wore a black t-shirt and jeans. She had a single glowing gold ring on her finger.

"Hello, I'm Nieva." Her voice was light and soft. She turned to Percy, smiling pointedly. Percy's eyes shifted like a trapped rat and he turned around and disappeared. Nieva closed the doors behind her. Nico didn't know what to think of her. She walked forward, smiling gently. "I'm here to take you."

"Me? I'm not crazy--!"

Nieva sighed, rolling her eyes. She crossed her arms and leaned on a hip. "First things first. 'Crazy' is an ableist term. And Mania is not the goddess of 'insanity'. The ancient Greeks didn't understand mental illness. Mania is the goddess of _mental_ _illness_ , that's it." She set her bag down on Jason's bed and started rummaging through it. "Not as scary of a title, I know, but it means that I know how to fix it especially if they haven't been this way for long or they were born with it."

Nico tried to comprehend what she had just said. Fix? She could... Nico turned and looked at Jason sharply. Jason was frowning at Nieva, looking at Nico for a translation. Nico was still trying to translate it himself.

"Does-- does that mean you could--"

"Yeah. I can help him. I was just supposed to help you because we'll need you, but you won't be okay unless I fix him too." Nieva sighed. "Night told me to make sure all loose ends were tied neatly. I have a feeling she didn't mean scramble everyone's noggins with dementia." She pulled out a little crystal that looked like rose quartz. She wrapped it around her wrist a few times before it rest in the cup of her hand. "I don't usually use my powers at all. I don't like 'fixing' people with mental illness until they try and learn how to cope by using medicine and therapy. But you have to be in fighting shape."

"Me?" Nico said, his voice cracking, still shocked by the abruptness in which this all happened.

She pursed her lips. "Yeah, you. I don't know why, Mother Night says that she needs you. Personally, I _hate_ being a messenger, but she needs me to do this for you."

"Night?" Nico breathed. He remembered his meeting with Night in Tartarus. He remembered how much he respected and feared her, and how she pitied him. Nieva ignored Nico's shivering and took a step towards Jason, frowning, her hand extended.  Jason looked apprehensive.

"What is..." Jason swallowed.

"It's okay, Jason." Nieva said. Nico  was unable to speak.  Jason turned and looked at her, his eyes wide. He could understand her, Nico realized. It surprised Nico as much as it surprised Jason. She rested a hand on Jason's forehead and both of them closed their eyes. The quartz gleamed a faint pink color. Nico was gripping Jason's hand tightly.

"Jason, can you hear me?"

"Yes."

There was silence for a bit as Nico watched Nieva's eyes darting around her eyelids, watched her little frowns of concentration for any positive sign.

"Jeez, it's like an explosion went off in here..." Nieva murmured, frowning harder, her eyes closed. "Oh... gotcha....Jason, what happened?"

"Pain. Got torn up." Jason murmured. "Trying to find pieces."

"Why are you conscious now? Why are you awake now?"

"Nico," Jason said simply. Nico couldn't breathe. He'd heard it enough times in the past month, but every time it hurt just as much as the first. Nico covered his mouth, trying to stifle his tears. "Gotta help Nico." Nieva nodded, smiling and shifted her hand on Jason's temple.

"Let's reconnect wires, okay?"

"Okay," Jason whispered.  They were silent for a while. Nico couldn't take his eyes away from the pair. Nieva's face remained concentrated, Jason's face went through a series of emotions. Tears, wide smiles, confusion, arousal. Nico was terrified for him.

"Jason, come on." Nieva insisted. "Come on. Pick them up. Pick them up."

"They hurt," Jason complained. "Everything hurts so badly."

"That's the nature of this reality, Jason. Things have to hurt, or else they don't matter."

"Like Nico," Jason whispered. Nico couldn't understand how he hurt, but he was filled with the pain that he contributed to Jason's suffering.

"Yes, like Nico. He's worried about you. He wants you to get better. The only way you can do that is if you _pick_ _them_ _up_ _._ "

"I don't want to," Jason cried, trying to jerk his head away from Nieva's hand. "I don't want to!"

"Jason!" Nieva scolded. "Jason!"

"Jason, please, pick them up." Nico begged. He had no idea what 'they' were. He had no idea what it even meant, but if it was going to help Jason, Nico had to try. "She's trying to help you. She's trying to return you to me."

"Nico?" Jason breathed.

"Yes, it's me."

"It hurts." Jason cried, tightening his grip on Nico's hand. "It really hurts,"

"It's okay, we can help you with the pain, we can help, but you _have_ to come back."

"Nico," he begged. "Please..."

Nico couldn't do it anymore. He buried his head in Jason's shoulder and cried. Nieva had control over Jason again. Jason stopped squirming. Nico couldn't watch anymore. He just had to hope. He had to pray. It's all he was capable of doing now.

"That's good, Jason. That's very good." Nieva sighed. "Yes."

"How do I know they won't betray me?" Jason's voice was soft. Nico's head whipped up. Jason's tone was so normal... it was the first time in over a month that Nico had heard Jason speak like that.

"You can't know. That's the nature of every relationship." Nieva said. "You're strong."

"I'm not strong," Jason murmured. Nico's heart jumped. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he could say anything.

"Yes you _are_ _._ Come back to us, now."

"They'll laugh at me." Jason said. "Nico won't love me. Piper will hate me. They'll laugh at me."

Nieva sighed and shifted her hand a bit. "It's life, Jason. But people need you up  here. You can't run from everything. You're condemning the good as well as the bad."

"Is life worth it? This pain?" Jason asked. Nico fought a ridiculous desire to laugh. Jason. Jason was _so_ _close_ _._ "I don't know if I can stand it."

Nieva shrugged. "It's a question that people ask every day. How I see it is that life is the chance for you to feel good emotions. Like your team caring about you. Like Nico hugging you in your bed. Like a great joke that makes your stomach hurt. That can destroy the suffering, Jason. You have to want it."

"I want so much," Jason laughed sadly.

"Pick up the rest. Keep on going. I'll meet you above, okay?" Nieva said. Jason nodded. Nieva removed her hand, looking at Jason sadly.

"It's up to him now. I did as much as I could. He was pretty destroyed."

"Will he come back?" Nico asked. Nieva shrugged.

"I hope. If not, he'll die. It's life or death, really. It was good that you were there immediately after he was pulled from Succubus." Nico flinched at the name but Nieva ignored it, unwrapping the leather band and storing the quartz back in her bag. "You were his only connection to this reality. He'd have been completely unreachable otherwise."

Nico didn't know how to respond to that. It was overwhelming his mind.

The next few minutes that passed felt like they were ticking down Nico's life. This was his fault. This was entirely his fault. He didn't see Succubus for what he really was. He didn't see the obvious trap that he'd been lured into. Nico prayed. He prayed for Jason to survive. Jason deserved to survive. He was kind and loyal and strong and he saved Nico. Nico wasn't worth saving, but Jason did it anyway. Jason was there for him. Every time he needed Jason, Jason was there for him. Finally, Jason began groaning. Nico exhaled the breath he didn't realized he was holding and gripped Jason's arm tightly as the boy's eyes began to flutter. He looked around, wincing as though his neck was stiff.

"Hey, Nico." Jason said, his breath exhausted. Nieva smiled, straightening up and resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Man, if I had a portfolio of work, you would be my crowning jewel."

"Yeah, thanks. Maybe I can get you into 'Bedlam University' or something," Jason muttered sarcastically. He coughed.  Nico couldn't breathe. Jason was here. His eyes were focused and the features of his face seemed concentrated. He was back. Succubus had stolen _absolutely_ _nothing_ _._ She lost completely. Jason was here. He was okay. Nico burst into tears, wrapping his arms around Jason's neck and launching himself from his own bed on top of Jason.

"Woah!" Jason grunted, putting his hands on Nico's waist. "Come on, I was just a little confused, you don't have to throw yourself at me."

"Shut the fuck _up_ you _bastard!_ " Nico cried, punching Jason's shoulders a few times before burying his face in Jason's neck. Jason rubbed Nico's back consolingly.

"Sorry." Jason murmured into Nico's hair. "I didn't mean to scare you like that. I really was trying."

"I know, I know!" Nico said. "I was so scared-- I was--"

"Three days, Nico." Nieva said, interrupting them. Nico looked up, blinking the tears from his eyes. He shook his head.

"Not yet. He's back. Not so soon." Nico begged. Nieva shrugged her shoulders.

"It's really not  up to me, Nico." She turned and walked towards the infirmary doors. "But... congratulations, Jason. You did really well."  She left the infirmary, leaving Jason and Nico alone in the room.

"Three days until what?" Jason asked. Nico swallowed.

"I've been summoned by Mother Night." Nico said, averting his eyes. "I have to leave in three days, I don't know how long."

Jason tightened his grip on Nico for a moment before he slackened it.

"If you have to go, you have to go. It's a goddess, you can't exactly tell her no."

"But we just--! You're back! After all this time, you're back!"

"I wasn't gone, Nico. I remember everything, I just... understand it better." Jason said, looking through the window to the night sky. "You humored me. You would talk to me. You were patient."

"If you were going to stay like that, I couldn't... I couldn't just abandon you." Nico said. Jason turned to smile at Nico.

"But you don't love me." Jason said. Nico was struck by the word. He didn't know how to respond. He sat up, facing Jason on his bed. He picked at the end of his long sleeves. His emotions towards Jason hadn't gotten any simpler since Succubus. He didn't see himself in a romantic relationship with Jason. He needed Jason. He wanted Jason to be happy, but he didn't know if he wanted to be with Jason for the rest of his life. It terrified him how attached to Jason he felt without wanting to date him. Going through all of this together had brought them closer in a sick way, and Nico felt that fact getting in the way. Maybe one day he would love Jason romantically. But now, right now, his heart was muddled.

"I do love you..." Nico tried to interpret thought into words. "But--"

"Don't say that 'I'm not _in_ love with you' horse shit," Jason sighed, laughing gently. Nico bit his tongue. "It's just cliché. I understand, Nico. I've understood for a while, I think."

"I'd never imagined that you felt that way towards me." Nico admitted. "Maybe... if... if Percy wasn't--"

"Don't," Jason cut him off. "Don't give me conditions. I understand. I really do. I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did. I never told you because I knew that you felt the way you did. It's okay."

"It's not fair to you," Nico protested.

"Life isn't fair," Jason said. "I thought we've both had lifetimes full of examples of that little fact."

"This is what you meant by me causing you pain, isn't it?" Nico said, tears falling down his cheeks. Jason didn't respond, which was more than enough of an answer for Nico.

"I'm sorry," Nico said, holding Jason's hand. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry--"

"I believe you." Jason said, smiling sadly. "I believe that you're sorry." Jason leaned forward and kissed Nico on the forehead. "But you don't have to be. There's no wrong to forgive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of leading up to the other fanfiction that I've been planning. It's got a lot of OCs and a whole lot more sex, but for very different reasons. Jason's back though! I seriously debated leaving him sick and having a disabled Jason, but I think Nico wouldn't want to leave Jason with no one to understand.


	19. Chapter 19

The next day was mostly the "Jason reunion" day. Leo ran in like a cork out of a bottle and tackled Jason. Jason laughed and hugged him back, thanking him. Jason in turn thanked everyone who helped him. Nico stayed in his bed, unable to be around everyone crowding Jason's bed. He listened though. Jason's conversation with Piper was tense, and everyone immediately felt intrusive, so they turned and crowded Nico's bed instead-- the exact opposite of what Nico wanted.

"So he's back, then." Annabeth said awkwardly, smiling with relief nonetheless. Nico nodded.

"I was so worried, I can't even believe-- That snow girl really helped him, then." Leo said. "I thought she was like, a bad omen."

"Snow girl?" Percy asked.

"Nieva means 'it's snowing' in Spanish." Nieva said quietly, behind Percy. Percy jumped about a mile out of his skin.

"JEEZ!" He exclaimed. "Cough or something! You and Nico need lessons on this stuff--" Nico winced at Percy's usage of his name and unfortunately, Percy noticed. He softened. "I'm... I'm sorry--"

"I need Percy and Nico to come with me, if you don't mind."

Nico looked up, alarmed. What could Nieva want with him now? And what could she possibly want with both him and Percy? Nico's heart raced in fear with being almost alone with Percy. He gripped the edges of his blanket protectively.

"I don't... know if that's the best idea." Leo said, helpfully.

Nieva shrugged. "No choice." She turned and began walking to the other side of the infirmary as though that made up their mind. Nico closed his eyes, took a steadying breath and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Well, he supposed if he had a panic attack so severe that he went crazy, he'd have the immediate help he needed. He was wearing black and gray plaid pajama pants that were too long for him. He rolled them up so he didn't slip on them and followed Nieva, Percy walking a respectable distance away. Nieva sat on an unoccupied bed out of earshot and patted the empty space next to her. Nico sat,  his legs crossed. Percy stood at the foot of the bed.

"You may want to sit down for this, Percy."

"What, am I the father?" Percy joked. Nico winced so violently that it surprised even him. He hissed and turned his face into Nieva's shoulder.

"Goddammit. I'm sorry, fuck I'm so sorry--"

"It's okay. Nico, you're going to have to cope with this eventually," Nieva scolded.

"I know, I know. I'm not asking for him to apologize or even to stop--"

Nieva wasn't sympathetic at all. "Yes, but--"

"I can't help it! I'm sorry that I'm not fitting your diagram for "Succubus side effects" but you know, this _is_ the second time this has happened to me!"

Both of them stared at Nico, eyes wide. Nico couldn't understand what was so odd until he realized his mistake.

"No, we didn't know that this was the second time," Nieva murmured. "When was the first?"

"Tartarus," Nico responded. He really didn't want to have to regale them with his first traumatic escape. Percy sat down on the bed to the left, obviously dumbfounded.

"You fought her in Tartarus and _won?_ "

"Yeah." Quick responses. He hoped that he didn't have to go through this again. He didn't want to--

"We're not here about that." Nieva cut across Nico's train of thought. Nico closed his eyes in thanks. "But we are here to talk about the demon Succubus. Percy, you say that Succubus spoke to you? If you could please tell us how she managed to subdue you."

Percy's shoulders slumped. Nico looked up. Percy had only minutes ago looked like the young, tanned boy that Nico adored. Now, Percy looked exhausted and ancient. You cold see every trouble written in his squared jaw and rounded shoulders. Succubus had Nico in her arms for fifteen minutes. Succubus held Percy hostage for three _weeks._

"Do I have to?" Percy's voice was tiny.

"It will really help us." Nieva said. She was like a reporter. The business-like official air that she gave off was really helpful. It made Nico feel like someone was in charge, like he didn't have to worry about himself so much. If she knew what she was doing, It was okay for them to fall apart. She'd know exactly where to put everything back. Percy seemed to feel the same way. He looked up at her, hardened his jaw, and nodded.

* * *

**Percy's POV**

I came down to the basement because Leo asked me to. I got kind of excited the closer I got, I felt a sense of adventure mounting on me, luring me closer. I know it now for what it was, it was her magic. When I opened the door, she was sitting on a stack of crates waiting for me.

"About time, Percy," she said, uncrossing her legs and standing up. "If it was that Hephaestus kid again I thought I'd have to actually knock on your bedroom door or something."

I didn't understand anything at first, all I knew was that she was almost beautiful. It may be a side effect to being a demigod, but undeniably beautiful people always put me off. I can't trust a beautiful person easily, I've known too many _beautiful_ sorceresses and _beautiful_ demons of Tartarus-- so I guess she sensed this in me and became _almost_ beautiful. She looked like a normal kid my age. I was inclined to trust her faster because of this. She knew that.

She was five foot, four inches, had round hips and thighs and slim shoulders. Her hands were always curling around something, I remember that about her specifically for some reason. They would curl around my fingers or they would curl a loose thread of her shirt, or maybe curl in her own deep red hair. That was another thing I noticed right away about her. She had these ordinary brown eyes, sort of thin, red lips, and hair that looked like a waterfall of blood. It fell heavily, like it weighed more than usual hair. When it would flutter, I would catch this scent like... like a flower pot outside of a pastry shop.

"What do you mean, you've been waiting for me? Who are you?"

"That's not important right now." Avoiding my questions. Nearly beautiful. She wasn't doing so well on my mental "probably a monster" checklist. Something, probably her magic, didn't really ping my radars yet, though. "What's important right now is to get to know each other better." She snapped her fingers and I felt a chair knock me off of my feet and bind my hands and feet to the sides.

She was suddenly so gorgeous that it hurt my eyes to look directly at her. I groaned and hissed, averting my eyes. I couldn't believe I'd let a monster get this far into me.

"I'm not going to kill you, Percy, don't worry, it's not you that I'm after." She turned my head gingerly with her finger and I had no power to deny her. It was humiliating. I felt disgusting and nauseous. But...

"Oh...!" she said, her eyebrows raising. "I see that there, Perceus. You have a dominating kink? _Oh_..." she taunted. She bent in and kissed my cheek with her perfect red lips. It burned my skin. "Let me be your Auntie, then...."

"Stop--" I hissed. "Who... who is it you're after?"

"Oh come on, Percy, can't we have a little fun before we get down to business? I know you've got a girlfriend but..." she straddled my lap and began unbuttoning her blouse. It took every image of Annabeth in my mind to close my eyes. She sighed shortly and stepped off of me. She pulled up a chair across from me. "Alright. Have it your way. We'll do this quickly, get the basics first, yes?" she put a hand on my  thigh. A sharp pain shot through me, as though my appendix had ruptured. I cried out in pain, hoping the noise would alert someone. She wasn't concerned with it, though, and that worried me.

She moved her hand from my thigh to my temple. My abdomen still throbbed with the possible internal damage she just caused.

"Nico di Angelo," she said, her eyes closed. Nico's scowling face flashed in my mind for a moment before he disappeared. It was shocking and frankly disturbing the way my memories were working. I couldn't control them properly while working through this pain. Suddenly, like a movie being played in fast forward, I saw every interaction I'd ever had with Nico flash through my mind. I experienced all of the confusion and apprehension and brotherly appreciation I'd felt for him in one big explosion lasting about five seconds, but the tangle of emotions afterwards left me intensely confused and scatterbrained. I was still bent over in pain.

"Look, I know you've got this date to go prepare for," she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "And I love double dates." I looked up at her as she transformed into me, clothes and all. She looked herself over in the floor-length mirror.

"Mark II, Percy Jackson." she messed her hair up the way I did when I got out of bed. I was still sick with thoughts of Nico and had a headache that was certain to make me blind.

"I'll see you tonight with a dinner, alright, honey?"

There was no way, I thought. No way she could pretend to be me. "Annabeth will figure you out." I managed. She laughed at me.

"You underestimate me, Percy. Now, sit tight."

She gagged me then, plucked riptide out of my pocket and winked. It was bizarre. I was alone in the basement now. Panic overcame me. I think it was the first time I really felt what a panic attack was. I wasn't able to use my water manipulating powers, and she seemed to be confident in this. She left a water bottle by my feet. I couldn't even tip the stupid bottle over. The ropes probably bound my power. The gag probably stopped my thoughts from reaching the gods. I was in my own personal hell. I may as well have been a mortal damsel in distress.

When she came back that night with dinner, she was wearing one of my hoodies.

"Your girlfriend is _truly_ lovely, I can see why you love her." She said sarcastically. "You would really do better off with Nico, though." She removed my gag.

"Why do you want Nico? Why are you impersonating me? Why don't you just kill me? Why can't I control the water? Who the hell are you?" Questions that had been burning throughout me for the past five or so hours burst forth in a torrent of words. She smiled, turning back into the red-haired almost-beauty.

"I'm Succubus. Have you heard of me?"

I shook my head. She sighed. "You all don't look too far out of your little greco-roman box do you? I am Succubus, a demon that steals the souls of men through sex." She began feeding me cold french fries from a styrafoam box. They were leftovers from my room. She'd been in my room.

"So-- Why do you want Nico?"

"He is a threat to me, believe it or not. Can't have him knowing that or he'll probably gain confidence. Can't have that. As to why I'm impersonating _you_ my dear. Can you take a quick guess?"

"You-- you're going to have sex with Nico as me?" I said, baffled, slightly disgusted. A demon trying to lay a demigod through deception... it was disturbing.

"I'm afraid he's desperately in love with you, Percy. And so far, your memories show how unbelievably dense you've been about it."

I didn't really comprehend what she was saying, but she kept shoving mushy chicken fingers into my mouth. Nico... in love with me? I didn't know what to think about it. She must be wrong somehow.

"I don't... know if you're right about that whole 'love' thing. I mean, Nico's a pretty closed-off guy, I don't know if he'd love... well I can't see him loving anyone but his sisters."

"And _that_ is why you are so dull, Percy." she sighed. "Poor Nico. Had to put up with you for a muse."

"He can't be _in love_ with me."

"It's true," she nodded, uncrossing and recrossing her legs. "It's driven his motivations since he was about ten."

"How do you know all of these things anyway?" I demanded around the fries. She chuckled and stood.

"I think it's time for bed, what do you think?"

"Wait--" I said, uncomfortable with how much I pleaded in my voice. "My other questions, answer my other questions."

"The ropes are charmed, you're right. I learned magic from Pasiphaë herself. Her and several other... let's say... lesser known West Indian Sorceresses. It's nothing that you'd be familiar with. I won't kill you because I need you alive to extract memories. Also, my target is a Son of Hades, you imbecile, do you think he won't sense a corpse in the basement? And as to who the hell am I..." Succubus shrugged and bent in, kissing me deeply. She stole more of my mind, bits of Annabeth, traces of Jason... I saw Nico yell in my mind's eye and felt sick. I tried my hardest not to vomit the cold meal I just ate. She backed out, leaving my lips tingling with the blood rush, my cock throbbing with desire and my mind rumbling with anger. "The question 'who _was_ I' would be more appropriate." She kissed me once again on the cheek, acid, acid woman. She was gone with a quick transformation.

I could remember the beginning and the end really well. The middle was tentative. Her magic interfered with my dreams, I wasn’t able to have the usual informative demigod dreams. My dreams seemed almost… what mortals would have. I was chased by lions and had no arms, I melted into pools of thick water, the kind of water that I couldn’t manipulate. I was trapped in worlds of pleasure without release. I would fade in and out of hallucinations, I was certain that she was messing with me at all times. I couldn’t tell the difference between my dreams and reality. There were no windows in the basement, so I couldn’t tell the time by the sun. I tried counting how many times she silently came down here, filled my mouth with stale food and left with nothing but a kiss on my cheek, but she wove herself into my dreams. I couldn’t tell from that. Eventually, I began to tell the passage of time through the fullness of my stomach. I tried to connect how long ago I must’ve eaten to which one of the red-headed demons was the one in reality. I cried. I screamed. I tried in vain to wriggle out of the bonds.

I remember when she came down with Leo and Nico. I yelled as hard as I could through the gag, but I knew that no one would be able to hear me. I could tell that it was draining a lot of her power to keep me hidden from Nico and Leo’s sight. Nico seemed to be able to sense her magic, how close she was to being the raw Succubus as they held hands. She was drawing some of her strength by sapping some of his. It sickened me. I wanted to call out to Nico, and Leo came so close to me that if I was untied, I would’ve been able to kick him, but Nico collapsed. I wanted to apologize, I needed to help them. I needed to reveal the monster for what it really was, but I was nothing but a slumped figure, uncertain of the day, confused about reality, tied up, and lost.

When Nico and Leo left, she turned to me, livid. Like it had been my fault that Leo was naturally curious. Like it was my fault that her flawless plan to steal the soul of one of my oldest friends wasn’t going how she planned.

“This _Jason_ is getting in my way. I’d kill him if it wouldn’t cause such a distraction,” Succubus melted back into her natural form, still glaring at me. I smelled horrible. She’d been polite enough to let me pee in a bottle every time she came down to feed me, but I started to feel like a virus was going to get me soon. I had no idea what she meant about Jason. I knew that Nico was living with Jason and that he and Jason were getting pretty close because of it. To be blunt, the relationships between my friends didn’t matter at all to me right now. I was sitting in my own sweat, my head throbbing with pain, my stomach aching with hunger, my breath short.

“Mmmhggm,” I groaned as she stroked my cheek with one finger. I wanted her gone. I wanted to be gone myself.

“I haven’t had fun in a while…” she sighed. “and here you are, tied up and at my mercy. Do you want to have some fun, Percy?”

I shook my head desperately. She ignored me of course and began glowing, too-beautiful and too-dangerous. There was nothing I could do.

“You tempt me, Percy Jackson. Do you know how much I’d love a pick-me-up right now? Your soul would keep me going for quite a while.” She straddled my lap, I could barely breathe. I held my breath for some reason, I remember because I got lightheaded and was wondering why. She pulled me in and kissed me over the gag. She smelled so good, her taste dripped in over my lips. She was delicious and soft. She hiked up her skirt and revealed that she wasn’t wearing underwear. I’d missed when her clothes turned from my usual jeans and t shirt to this schoolgirl’s skirt and sheer, unbuttoned shirt. I could see her pinched pink nipples through the white shirt. She giggled and started rolling her hips against my thigh. I moaned, throwing my head back, ripping my face away from her reach.

“I’m not going to take your soul, Percy… have fun with me...” she whined. I didn’t care. I wanted her to stop. I could feel her wetness through my pant leg. It drove me wild. She knew that it did. She moaned in my ear, sucking little bruises onto my neck and biting down, just like Annabeth would. I was hard. I knew that I was hard, and I tried to control my desires as she continued grinding against my thigh.

“Mmmmmffhm….” I groaned. I was actually glad to have been gagged, I would’ve said things that I would’ve regretted. She separated herself from me, and the place where her warmth had been turned to frigid ice. I watched her intensely, sweat rolling down my forehead. She conjured a mattress, reclined on it, licked two of her fingers and began to touch herself in front of me. I couldn’t breathe if I wanted to. It was too beautiful, too sexy. She knew what I liked, and I couldn’t stop watching her every little move, the way her toes clenched and unclenched, how her thighs shivered and her breathing was stuttered. I was so horny it was painful. I wasn’t thinking about how she was evil. I wasn’t thinking about how I probably should turn my head away, all I wanted was to watch, watch until she came. I wanted to touch myself, my situation becoming desperate, but of course I couldn’t.

“You like watching?” she breathed as she looked up from the mattress. She saw me writhing in the chair. She knew what it meant. “Do you want to see me come?” She begged. I forced myself not to nod. I just groaned and dropped my head. I was powerless before her. She was timeless beauty, sex and its derivatives. I heard as she keened and moaned, her whole body rocking with the power of the orgasm. I was reminded of Annabeth. Shame ripped through my body like a blunt knife. Annabeth… if she knew what I’d been thinking…if she knew that I craved another’s touch… god. My painful guilt didn’t stop Succubus, though. She was moaning in her post-orgasmic bliss and she wrapped her arms around my neck. If I could only come myself, maybe I could clear my mind.

“No, not at all, Percy.” She unzipped my pants and clasped my dick in her fist. I wanted to scream and cry. _Don’t touch me there! Don’t you touch me!_ But holy shit, the bliss. The sheer bliss. “That wasn’t very nice of you, thinking of another girl while I was giving you a show…” she pouted. I wasn’t thinking in coherent sentences now. All I wanted was the orgasm, all I needed was the release—

“Annabeth is a sweet girl. Easily distracted, yes. But she’s _not_ better than me.” I would’ve been prepared to swear on the River Styx about anything she said. I was so far gone that nothing could possibly be better than coming right now. She stopped pumping and pulled my pants down around my ankles. She stood over me, frowning. “so as punishment, I’m leaving you down here. Exactly like this. I’ll be back tomorrow, sweetheart.”

It was torture as I had never imagined it could’ve been. It physically hurt how hard I was. I needed the release as a drowning man needed air, as a burning man needed water. She left the basement and all I could do was give a muffled cry that tore my throat up. All I could do was let snot and tears fall from my face as my emotions took over. I was sitting in this chair, nude, hard, crying so hard that my back was cramping up and that my lungs were strained for oxygen. I hadn’t cried so hard in my recent memory. I remembered crying like this maybe when I was a little kid, but these tears didn’t feel therapeutic. They felt like poison.

I was mainly quiet after that encounter. I didn’t dream much. I fell into this sort of dark pit in my mind. She came back the next night, cleaned up the snot and the dried tears and pulled my pants back up. She apologized in a smug way, and I ignored her. I felt hopeless, fucked up, and guilty. I’d betrayed Annabeth. I was in this basement for gods knows how long. She was the master over me and I had no plans of escape or anything.

When Annabeth, Leo, and Jason found me, I knew that something had gone wrong. I knew that it was reaching the end. She would take Nico. After telling them what to do, I passed out in the hallway. I had usual demigod dreams, seeing a girl approaching the darkness, a tall, attractive man that reminded me of Thanatos wearing a simple black hoodie and turning the pages of a book. I knew that she no longer controlled me then. I laughed. I was fading in and out of consciousnss, paranoid and sick. I remember being carried by Frank up the stairs to sit with Annabeth. I just needed Annabeth. She was crying so hard, staring at the blood in her hands. I felt a sort of pride knowing that she was the one who killed Succubus, but also a great guilty sadness that she was gone. Annabeth didn't seem happy about killing Succubus. She seemed horrified and distressed. I tried to console her, but she just cried and cried and cried. But she was my Annabeth. I felt safe, I felt so safe knowing that she was here. So I cried with her.

* * *

**Nico's POV**

As Percy's story came to an end, Nico began to find his surroundings again. He was able to picture Percy's horrors with such clarity. He knew what it was like to be trapped for days and struggling with the difference between right and wrong. He knew what it was like to catch Succubus's eye. It sickened him to imagine both.  He looked up at Percy. The real Percy Jackson, a man he honestly knew very little about. He knew who Percy was, but... did he actually know Percy as a person? Nico studied the man before him, his confused emotions of attraction dimming to a curiosity. Percy's shoulders were slumped, his eyes misted and exhausted.

This was Percy. His pain was not beautiful, as Succubus had made it seem when she impersonated him. Percy's pain hollowed him out and darkened his eyes. Percy's pain was just as full, just as justified as Nico's. Nico wore his pain on his face with his baggy eyelids and his pale skin. Leo shoved the pain so far down and masked it with humor and lies. Percy looked up from his hands and smiled at Nico. It was a genuine smile, but it was an old one. Percy did something that neither Leo nor Nico had mastered yet-- Percy coped with his pain. He didn't hide it. He didn't drown in it. He accepted it as a part of his life, but didn't let it destroy him.

Nico couldn't stop staring at Percy. Love for Percy made way for a severe respect and admiration. Percy was amazing. This Percy wasn't beautiful or perfect... he wasn't Nico's. Nico began to smile. Percy frowned.

"Are you alright?" Percy asked. A good question, to be fair. Nico didn't think that the real Percy would cause him attacks as much anymore. Maybe his nightmares would plague him, but he felt as though he had discovered who Percy Jackson really was. Nico saw through his idealized version of Percy Jackson as an infallible hero and saw him as he truly was-- a good man.

"I'm alright." Nico said. "You're incredible."

Percy looked away. "Should you be saying things like that?"

"Not--not like that," Nico shook his head. How could he explain? "You're just..." He shrugged. "You're a really great man and I respect you for everything you've done for the people you love."

Percy looked back at Nico.

"Thank you," Percy said cautiously. "You know that you're sweeter than you let other people think? I saw how you were with Jason before he got better. I'd probably get fed up if it was anyone other than Annabeth."

Nico flushed. "Jason's not my Annabeth."

"Oh, no I'm not implying that," Percy said. "I'm just complimenting your patience. And I know that you're not in love with him. From one guy who's in love, I can tell when another is in love. Mostly."

Nico flinched a bit, hiding it with a scratch behind his ear. "Sorry I that I... I dunno, made you feel like it was some sort of... like you were some sort of--"

"Are you apologizing for having a crush on me?" Percy asked, his smile widening. Nico wanted to melt through the floor and find a nice damned soul to hide beneath in the Underworld. His face was beet red. "Don't ever apologize for that! I'm flattered, I mean, really. It explains a lot, actually. Why didn't you tell anyone that you were gay?"

Nico was still burning over the fact that Percy, the real Percy, knew about his crush. Nico shrugged, avoiding eye contact.

"Mainly... I started remembering my past. I mean, I knew that I... I liked guys when I saved you. I didn't want to explore it that much. Traveling the country I saw... I saw a bunch of violence against gay people. I remembered that the couple down the street from me was taken into custody by the Italian government. They were nice to me, but they probably were killed in a work camp. Things like that terrified me." Nico gathered the courage to look Percy in the eye. He had a very serious look in his eye. "Also, no one else I knew was gay. It was like... some affliction that I had that no one else did. I thought... I thought that I was different enough. If they weren't going to hate me for being the son of Hades, they would hate me for being this way, it would always be something."

"And... Jason knew. And that's why he told you to come live with him in the apartments." Percy said. Nico nodded.

"When we were going to fetch you and Annabeth from Tartarus, we met Lord Cupid. I was forced out. Jason was the only one who ever knew, and I kind of had to trust him. I started telling him more and more stuff because of it."

"Where exactly did you meet Lord Cupid?" Nieva asked. Nico jumped, forgetting that she was even there let alone paying attention. Percy blinked in surprise at her speech as though he forgot about her existence as well.

"Oh, Uh... Croatia. He was with Favonius, god of the West Winds."

Nieva's notepad was filled with scribbled notes in Spanish. She had been taking notes the whole time. Nico wondered what she had written down about him.

"Well, we'll accept you no matter what, Nico." Percy smiled warmly. Nico knew it was true, but he still couldn't help but to feel sad.

"Thank you for telling me about your story, Percy, even though it was probably difficult to recount." Nieva said kindly. "There was one thing that really bothered me about it though. You said that Succubus said that she was attacking Nico because he was a threat?"

"Uh... yeah, that's what she said." Percy scratched his head, his eyebrows furrowed, like he'd completely missed that part. "She definitely used the word 'threat' I'm pretty sure."

"That's interesting." Nieva scribbled in her pad a little more.

"Maybe she was talking about the Blessing," Nico suggested. "Maybe there's more to the Blessing than just... you know--"

"There isn't, I know those who have it." Nieva said. "The Blessing is bestowed upon all of his children and those of his choosing, demigods usually, mortals are unable to handle it. No, if that was it, she would've altered her attack, she would've been successful in stealing you." Nieva looked like a distant storm, her eyes far off, her thoughts hard to discern. "And you just told me that she saw you in Tartarus and tried to kill you there. You didn't have the Blessing then. So why did she want to kill _you_ , particularly?"

Nico had no answers. He'd never thought that Succubus would single him out because he was dangerous. If he was so dangerous why was he reduced to a babbling mess every time Succubus touched him? Though it was true that he had beaten her twice. Was that some innate power that he didn't know he had? It began to nag on him, though. Why would a demon have a personal vendetta just because she lost? Why would she go through all this trouble to charm and capture Percy, manipulate his friends' perceptions, just to steal the soul of a fifteen year old she saw in Tartarus for an hour? Nico didn't like how it sat in his mind, but he couldn't shake it loose.

"Why is she after me?" Nico demanded of Nieva. Nieva shrugged.

"No idea." She stood up, Percy and Nico mimicking her actions automatically.

"Well, I'm off to the Hypnos cabin if anything comes to mind," Nieva said, stretching. "Thank you, Percy, for telling me everything. It really helped."

"No problem."

Nieva left without a sound. Her shoes barely squeaked against the linoleum floors. Percy watched her go, shaking his head.

"She's odd," Percy said, summing up Nico's feelings to a T. "Are we sure we can trust her?"

"No," Nico said. "I don't know if I can trust her, but I know she's a messenger of the Night, so I've got to trust her to some certain extent."

"I met Night in Tartarus," Percy said. Nico knew that. Succubus-as-Percy told him. "She's terrifying and she tried to kill me."

Nico snorted. "I heard that story, Percy. If she really wanted you dead, you would'nt be breathing now. She was dicking with you. She's kind of funny in a morbid way. She's merciful, Night, even though she spawns terrifying monsters."

"Have you met her?"

"Yes. When I was in Tartarus. After I escaped from Succubus." Nico said blandly. That story still frightened him, though he had a better grip on himself the longer that he was out of Tartarus. Now that Jason was awake, maybe he could tell it. Maybe he'd find the strength to finish his story.

When Percy saw that Nico wasn't going to elaborate, he sighed. "I'm sorry what this has done to our friendship. We really should get together and actually _know_ each other, you know? I don't know much about you. And I know that you... you know... feel a certain way about me, but I don't think you actually know who I am, really."

Nico shook his head, still lost in thought about Mother Night and her husband Erebus.

"I don't feel that way about you anymore, Percy," Nico murmured. He didn't know if it was one hundred percent true, but he knew that love couldn't feel like this. Not this sickness. Not this uncertainty. True love couldn't be felt unless both parties participated. Barely even one person participated in this unrequited love,  and that one person had uncomfortable doubts about his concept of love.

Percy bowed his head in concession. "Okay. That still doesn't mean that we barely know each other."

"Yeah," Nico said, scratching the back of his ankle with his foot. "I'm leaving soon though. Hopefully I'll be sorted out when I come back and we can get to this... bonding thing that you want to do." Nico attempted a smile, but it was more wistful than happy. He couldn't imagine him and Percy buddying up and getting really close without his feelings springing back up. Percy was just too desirable. Nico's response seemed to satiate him, though and Percy smiled.

"Let's get back to Jason. I'm still waiting for him to call out for you, frightened that you've gone forever like he used to weeks ago whenever you went to the showers."

Nico laughed, his heart leaping. Jason was okay. He'd nearly forgotten about Jason's health improving after listening to Percy's story and having a conversation with Percy. Jason was still talking with Piper, Piper curled up in the spot on his bed in his arms. They both were smiling with their mutterings. That was good.

Nico slipped back in his bed next to Leo. He still had issues with people touching him, but Leo and Jason were the only exceptions. Leo grinned at Nico.

"Did she convert you to Satanism?" Leo asked. "Ask you to do some witch doctor voo doo crap?"

"Hey," Hazel laughed. "As a child of 'satan' and a 'voo doo' witch doctor, I am offended that you think that stuff is crap."

Leo looked up at Hazel as though he had just realized this. Nico laughed. His eyes drifted over to Annabeth and Percy who were sitting at the edge of a bed on the other side of Jason and Piper. Frank was sitting in a chair next to Nico's bed, his head in Leo's lap, snoring away. Hazel was petting Frank's short hair. It was an adorable position, to be honest.

"Turns out your sister is just as ignorant of the Tolkien ways," Leo said mock-pretentiously. "I can't believe the type of people I associate myself with."

"I'm not into the fantasy genre of writing." Hazel shrugged.

"But that doesn't make sense," Leo demanded. "We live in a fantasy setting ourselves. How can you not be fascinated--"

"I just don't like those books, Leo. I need a break from magic beings manipulating the tiny-brained mortals. I like the idea that an ordinary mortal human can change the world on their own. Not with any extra magical power, not with a godly parent, not by existing in a magical setting--"

"No you don't understand that's exactly what Lord of the Rings is about once you boil it down!" Leo said, getting excited. Nico caught his sister's eyes. She raised an eyebrow in amusement. Nico suppressed a giggle. "Little hobbits, representing the most shut-in, ordinary, suburban lifestyle-- even though they're not expected to be great, the whole of Minas Tirirth, the King of Men bows to them because with the simplicity of their spirits they were able to save the entire of Middle earth from destruction--"

"Leo," Nico put a hand on his shoulder. "What you're saying is completely true, but I don't think we're gonna sell her on it."

"Why not?" Leo pouted. "I don't see why not."

"She just doesn't understand." Nico said, shaking his head. "You got me, and that's an achievement I think."

"We _have_ to listen to the Hobbit."

Nico opened his mouth then closed it. He would be gone tomorrow night. They wouldn't have time until then. He looked away over at Piper and Jason. They were still in an embrace, murmuring to each other about something. Jason caught Nico's eye and smiled. Nico smiled back, feeling completely genuine. He still couldn't really believe it. Jason was healthy.

"Earth to Nico, Nico come in." Leo said, drawing Nico's attention back to the three. "I _said,_ what's your favorite type of book anyway?"

Nico shrugged, thinking. He thought about Piper and Jason. He thought about Percy, Percy and his struggles no doubt with Annabeth. He thought about Nieva, businesslike and in the Hypnos cabin with her notebook. He thought about Leo and his movies, Hazel and her hand stroking her boyfriend's head. He thought about Frank and his leadership, taking all of them out of the apartment himself. He thought about himself, this quest that he'd been assigned and some evil sex demon that is targeting him for being a threat.

"I don't know," Nico admitted. "but my favorite ones are ones with happy endings."

* * *

When everyone had gone and Jason and Nico showered for the night, Jason sat up in bed. He was reading a book and smiling. Nico chewed his bottom lip, unable to pay attention too much to his own book. It became too much and he finally asked the question burning on his mind.

"What were you and Piper talking about?" Nico said without introduction. Jason laughed, looking up from his book and smiling at Nico the same way he smiled at him earlier.

"I was waiting for you to ask."

"I didn't want to pry, I was going to just let you tell me but... I got... I'm too curious." Nico admitted. Jason slid the bookmark into place and put the book down beside his bed.

"Well, I'm single now, if you must know." Jason laughed, then hesitated. He scratched the back of his neck. "She was concerned with... certain ways that I may have perceived her and how I may have reflected it onto you. She saw that I was falling in love with you, but she never really had the opportunity to bring it up to me."

Nico didn't understand very well. "What do you mean... ways that you perceived her?"

Jason took a breath, sighing. "You have to swear that you won't tell anyone. Piper gave me permission to tell you, only on the condition that you don't tell anyone else. I told her that you'd probably understand."

Nico was surprised. Piper had secrets?

"Yeah, of course I won't tell," He said automatically.

"Piper is transgender," Jason said. "I found out a little before we first had sex. She was concerned because when I started dating her I considered myself heterosexual. While dating her I started to realize my feelings towards men, but it wasn't because of her body at all. It was how I felt emotionally towards you, to be honest." Nico could barely believe what he was hearing. Piper? _Piper?_  Wasn't there some sort of... way you could tell or something? Had he never seen the bulge in her pants?

 _That was rude,_ Nico thought immediately. He honestly knew next to nothing about what it meant to be transgender or even that it was a thing that could be done until he started reading up on his own sexuality.

"She knew that I was starting to fall for you. She was scared that I saw her as a male. I don't think that anyone with an ounce of sense could mistake Piper for anything but female. I promised her that she was every inch the beautiful woman that I knew her to be. I may not love her as much as I used to, but I'd never disrespect her identity like that."

"So Piper is...." Nico said, still trying to grasp the concept. He reviewed every action in his head. "She's--"

"Yeah." Jason nodded. "I mean, it was hard for me at first to really accept it because I didn't know jack shit. She taught me about it because I was willing to learn for her. It's honestly easier than you'd think."

Nico shook his head. It couldn't be that simple. How did she look so feminine then? How did she not have to shave every morning? She had breasts! She had hips! Nico pursed his lips, furious at himself. It was Piper's private body. She had no obligation to explain the way she lived her life to Nico. It was Nico's job to understand and adapt his thinking.

"How long has she transitioned?" Nico asked, repeating a phrase he remembered in one of his books.

"She's been living as female since she was about five." Jason said. "She doesn't talk about being transgender much, actually. She feels like it's not a big deal and she doesn't want to be labeled as transgender before she's labeled as a girl, you know?"

Nico knew. He felt the same exact way when he thought about people he didn't know. He wanted them to see who he was as a person before they see him as gay. It was part of who he was, but there was so many conclusions drawn because of it. He hated it. He supposed that Piper hated it too. Nico nodded.

"Well did you two talk about anything else?" Nico said. Jason's smile widened slowly. The topic was done. He wasn't going to ask a million questions that could be looked up on the internet. Piper was worried, and Jason consoled her. That was what the conversation was about.

"Yeah, we talked about... we talked about her maybe dating my sister."

"Thalia?" Nico said, his eyebrows raising.

"It was kind of a joke, but I'll call up my sister. Maybe they can become friends or something, she seemed to like Piper when she met her."

"Left you to date your sister." Nico shook his head, smiling. "That's low."

Jason laughed. "It's life, man, it's life."

Nico smiled at Jason. God, if any statement summed up the ups and downs and surprises and shocks of these last few weeks, it was that. It was life. It was always just life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating on shortening this chapter, but in the end it felt better as a whole thing, you know what I mean? I've decided to put all of my headcanons into my fanfiction, proof by Piper being trans. It's my story and they're my interpretations, so I shouldn't feel like there's "too much" going on. There's only one more chapter left, and I'm kind of excited how I'm setting up the next story. I've decided that I'm going to write what makes me happy, and I need this story to be down in print. The next story examines the origins of Succubus, talks about more minor Greek and Roman gods, explores possible innate powers Nico may not be utilizing. It's this whole thing, and I'd appreciate if you'd read it, though you really don't have to. I'm glad that people enjoyed this story as it is! Thank you for reading and reviewing!


	20. Chapter 20

Nico woke up just before sunrise the next day, and he wondered why at first. Groggily, he looked to the source of the disturbance. Jason was standing next to his bed, offering Nico his boots and shaking him awake.

"Jeez, Grace. What time is it?"

"It's almost five fifteen." Jason said, still urging Nico out of bed. "It's your last day here for who knows how long."

"Yeah, so I've got all of the time of the day, we can... do this later." Nico grumbled, pulling on his boots and his aviator jacket over his pajamas anyway.

"I want to watch the sunrise with you." Jason said. Nico blinked some of the sleep out of his eyes, a little surprised. This sounded like a sick-Jason phrase. He knew that Jason was healthy, it was the main theme of his dreams that night.

"I don't think I've sat and watched a sunrise," Nico thought. "Sunsets, usually, but a sunrise--"

"Well come on, then!" Jason said, pulling Nico along. Nico grabbed a hat and shoved it on his head, leaving the infirmary. Jason was still wearing his pajamas as well, a heavy windbreaker with the collar turned up and his sneakers. His plaid pajama bottoms were red as opposed to Nico's gray.

They found a good spot on Half-Blood Hill, sitting just above the morning mist. There was a new world kind of feeling about the pre sun morning that Nico was never able to appreciate. He was too busy sleeping through it to really appreciate everything dew and haze. It was also quiet. There were no planes rushing past overhead. There were no cars grumbling down the road, no birds chirping at the start of the day. Everything was illuminated with a soft blue light. It was beautiful.

Jason and Nico sat in silence for a while, staring towards the east. They were able to see the beach and the ocean. Nico approximated just where the sun would make its appearance. Nico shivered as a chilly breeze passed them. Jason wrapped his arms around Nico immediately, taking Nico's cold hands in his own.

"Don't tell me this was just an excuse to get your arms around me," Nico joked. Jason laughed.

"No, I'd be much less subtle about that." Jason said. "I really just wanted to watch the sunrise with you. New beginnings, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Nico whispered. They fell into a silence again, Jason rubbing Nico's icy hands with his thumbs. The sky lightened imperceptibly, and Nico was feeling lulled back to sleep against the buzz of Jason's body and the beating of his heart against Nico's back. He was jerked out of sleep by the utter realization that this _was_ the last day before he left for an unspecified amount of days. For months, he hadn't spent a day where he hadn't seen Jason. Jason was that constant that he had needed, and he was about to leave Jason behind. Nico dug himself deeper into Jason's embrace and Jason rested his cheek on the top of Nico's hat.

"Jason?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you doing this if you know that I don't love you in the same way?"

"Because..." Jason said slowly. "Because it makes me happy to make you comfortable. We had a friendship like this before, I don't see why we can't continue a friendship like this. Unless you're uncomfortable with it."

"No, I'm not uncomfortable," Nico said. "I just don't want to hurt you--"

"You won't hurt me. You can't hurt me unintentionally. I mean yeah, if you scorned me and spit on me I'd be hurt. But just because you're happy in doing something nice like watching the sunrise with me doesn't mean you have to apologize for it."

"I've just got this habit of apologizing for myself," Nico said. "Sorry that I didn't know he was a demon, sorry I couldn't save you, sorry I don't love you, sorry that I love Percy, I'm just sorry that I'm me."

"Don't ever be sorry for who you are. You're fantastic, brilliant, powerful, strong. Beautiful. Don't _ever_ apologize for yourself, Nico." Jason murmured. Nico smiled a little bit.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Do you mind if I... I tell you the last thing that happened to me in Tartarus?" Nico asked gently. Jason tensed, his thumb hesitating on its trail traced across Nico's knuckles. It continued slowly, each bump calculated.

"Will I understand more about what you're about to face?"

"Maybe. It'll explain why I trust Night."

Jason took a deep sigh. When he exhaled a light breeze tickled Nico's hair in the same direction.

"Okay, Nico. Tell me. What happened in Tartarus?"

Nico began to speak.

* * *

**Nico's POV**

After Succubus left me, I didn't know where else to go. It took me hours to get myself back up, maybe about six or seven hours of attempts and failures of motivating myself forward. I continued my way down the River Phlegethon, towards the Mansion of Night. I think I could sense it. I knew that the rivers all flowed to the heart of Tartarus, and I knew that Night was close to the heart. Three days of exhausted trudging, painful transformations into my death trance and panic attacks,  I laid down by the river. I didn't know if I could keep going. I fell asleep.

When I woke up, a face looked back at me. I sprang up immediately, terrified, grabbing my sword. The other did the same thing, fumbling for his sword in the same manner that I did mine. He was my exact replica, down to the ripped shirt and sooty jacket. If I really looked as dark-eyed and thin as this duplicate, I was no more discernable than a zombie. At first, I thought he must be Succubus again, attempting a really weird angle. He seemed to think so too. We both pointed our swords at the other's chest.

"Who are you?" He asked me, confidently. God, I hated the sound of my own voice. Did I really sound like that?

"What do you mean 'who am I' who are you?" I asked him, distrustful. I looked at his sword. It was just as stygian as mine. It was impossible, though. I was the only mortal to wield a stygian iron sword. He seemed to realize this exactly as I did. We both lowered our weapons, sagging our shoulders.

"This is fucked up," he said.

"Yeah." I agreed. I reached down to the shores of the Phlegethon and rubbed some charcoal on my thumb. I marked his face with one dash and my own with two.

"So we can tell if we change or something in the middle of the night?" Nico asked. I nodded.

"Though, you're probably an elaborate hallucination or a monster." I said.

Nico nodded. "Personally, I think you're a monster. I know I'm stupid, but even this is a stupid hallucination for me to waste time on."

I laughed. It was true. Nothing happened, I just had an exact twin with just as much sense of exhaustion as I did. Why would I hallucinate this? But also, why would a monster impersonate me with my exact sword and then lower it? I was too tired, hungry, thirsty, and achey to give two shits.

"At least we can have conversation now, right?" He said, shrugging. "It has been frightening. At least I always have myself." The last sentence was sarcastic and sing-song, exactly as I felt.

"I've always found myself to be pretty shitty company." I said. Nico nodded in agreement.

"I've never hung out with myself, though, so we'll find out." he said. I got to my feet and he stood after me. We both brushed our pants off, sheathed our swords, and began walking back down the river. We talked about all kinds of things, mainly about how much we hated ourselves. It became kind of comical after a while. We talked about Bianca in a way that revealed how much we actually were each other. We talked to each other about secrets and desires for family, the desperate feeling of being outsiders. We didn't talk about Percy, though Nico tried to and vomited bile, going into a panic attack. I calmed him down, thankful I was okay and that he wasn't alone.

Nico was actually a pretty good mate for conversation, I appreciated him the hours that we spent walking towards Night's home. I guess we reached her front porch when she appeared before us. She was large, beautiful, and ethereal.

"Who treads in my territory?" She boomed. I bowed immediately, but Nico froze before her in terror. I nudged Nico and he dipped into a bow after me, his breathing ragged.

"Lady Nyx, I am Nico, son of Hades. This is also Nico, son of Hades." I said, introducing myself, a little awkwardly. Her eyebrows raised, the tentacles of darkness began to calm. She shrunk to a human size and she tilted our chins up.  She was still very tall, wore a velvet dress and looked like the original Morticia Addams.

"Nico, son of Hades and Nico, son of Hades?" She said, looking at both of us. We nodded in unison. She pursed her lips. She did a barely-noticeable double take when she saw my sword. "You are very lost, I can see this. Which camp do you hail from?"

"Camp? Oh," Nico said. "I sort of bounce between both."

"Both?" Nyx asked, looking at Nico.

"Well, I'm greek, you see, so I'm usually at Camp Half-Blood. But recently my father took me to Camp Jupiter."

"I see." Nyx said. I didn't see what there was to see. Then again, she was a goddess. She saw more than I could ever comprehend. She turned her back on me, waving her hand at her Mansion. "How long have you two been... two?" She asked over her shoulder

"Oh," Nico snorted.

"A couple days. " I said.

"I take it this is not your usual form?" 

"Not at all, my Lady." Nico said. "I usually have my head on a bit straighter than this."

"I see," she said again. Her sparkling supernova eyes darted between the two of us. She opened her arms and smiled, surprisingly inviting. "Well, welcome to my home."

I glanced at Nico, we were both sharing the same thought as though we could read each other's minds: _She's not going to kill us, score!_

"Thank you, my Lady." I said gratefully. She led us through the halls of her home, much of it blurred. I guessed that she was shielding our minds from the unimaginable horrors of what was going on in her home. It was truly a mansion of horror. Nico and I held hands. It was unfamiliar at first, but I just needed to know that there was a semblance of sanity in this hellhole. Of course, clutching onto my clone that just appeared when I woke up wasn't exactly the best example of 'sanity' but it was the closest thing I had to a sense of comfort.

Nyx opened a door to a vast, beautiful bedroom with Victorian furniture and gothic trims around the windows. The bed was huge, covered in the same deep blue velvet that she wore herself.

"Rest you two. When you awake, there will be food and drink. Perhaps you shall meet my husband, if he's feeling less metaphysical." She closed the door behind her, nodding politely at us. Nico and I were tense. Neither of us wanted to sleep in the other's presence. Though we were fond of each other, we were still certain that the other was a monster of some sort.

"Who knows," Nico said speaking up. "Maybe if we go to sleep, it'll turn out to be a hallucination and we'll wake up from it."

"Does that mean that one of us dies?" I murmured. Nico shook his head, sighing.

"I have no idea. I was trying to be hopeful."

"Hopeful in the Mansion of Night with your clone?" I said raising an eyebrow at him. He shrugged.

"Sue me."

I laughed, suddenly feeling exhausted. My whole body felt as though it was made of lead. Nico and I were just barely able to make it to the bed.

"Hypnos," Nico murmured before he drifted away to sleep. _Oh,_ I thought before I was completely and fully unconscious.

* * *

My dreams were so empty of anything that it was almost comforting. I still had that feeling of passed time, something I don't usually get when I dreamlessly sleep, but I didn't feel dredged down with an emptiness. The darkness in the dream felt full. I woke up with a smile on my lips. Nico didn't look as good. He sat up, his eyes squinted and tired. Yawning, he stretched.

"Good sleep?" I asked him.

"No," he grumbled. "Dreamless. Short."

"Oh." I said. It was one of the first differences we had. I began to notice some of the others. Maybe we weren't as identical as I thought we were. 

Nyx walked in followed by a glittering silver tray stacked with food. Nico and I perked up like wolves seeing meat. Seeing the food actually made me feel a little sick. I knew how fast I was going to eat it and how uncomfortable my fullness would be afterwards. I didn't care, though. Every molecule of my body craved that food.

As Nico and I ate, Nyx was silent. I knew she wanted to say something, but she waited patiently for us to be finished. Once Nico and I were resting back, licking our fingers and ready to lay into another nap, she began to speak.

" _You have traveled far and long, Nico,_ " she said in Italian. Unlike with Gaea, I was aware of her language change. Nico and I nodded. _"yet, your journey is so much longer and harder than you can imagine. You will return here."_

 _"What?"_ Nico burst out. _"We haven't even left yet!"_

 _"Oh, you will make it out of Tartarus,"_ Nyx said, waving her hand casually. _"How do you think you made it through so easily? But you will be captured by Gaea's forces immediately."_

My meal sat in my stomach like a lead weight. I'd be captured by Gaea's forces. I'd find my way back into Tartarus. I frowned and looked up at her again.

 _"Hold on a second. Easily? You call what I went through easy?"_ I demanded. _"I nearly died out there every day!"_

Nyx laughed, irritating me. _"You acted admirably, Nico di Angelo, but most of the obstacles you faced were within you own self. You are not weak by any definition of the word. You are troubled. Troubled mortals in Tartarus do not fare well."_

Nico sat back against the pillows, his eyes closed. He looked like he'd had a long day. It had been a long existence for me, to be honest. I sighed.

"So what do we do?" I asked in English, tired.

"First, you will meet my husband. He's here. He doesn't exactly like demigods very much, so please be respectful."

Nico sat up abruptly, staring at Nyx.

"Are you trying to tell us that he may kill us?"

"In milder terms, yes." Nyx admitted. Nico and I exchanged terrified looks with each other. Perhaps trusting Nyx was a bad choice.

"If I go down, at least I go down full." I said finally, sitting back in the pillows and waiting for the arrival of the embodiment of Darkness itself. Nico pulled me up out of bed.

"If we're going to meet him, we shouldn't be comfortable in a bed in his home. It's rude." Nico said. I saw his point. We stood at the foot of the bed, facing the door. Nyx reclined in the bed and said nothing. Usually gods and goddesses don't shut up about anything. The fact that Nyx was a silent watcher made me nervous.

Before he even opened the door, the entire room felt heavier. The colors were sapped from the tapestries and the only thing that held any sort of warmth were the galaxies in Nyx's eyes. He walked in the room. He was an African man with a square, angular face, cheekbones that seemed to cut through the darkness itself and his skin barely had any shades of value to it at all. He wasn't brown at all, he was black. The only bits of lightness of him were the dull whites of his eyes. Even then they were shrouded in the shade of his brow. He looked serious, regal. Looking at him filled me with the fear and the respect that I felt when I saw a god. This man was an ancient. He was a god in every sense of the term.

"You need to stop bringing in strays," Erebus growled, his African-accented voice deep and resonating. It surprised me, to be honest. I didn't expect to be able to hear him, thinking that the darkness would steal sound as well as light. "You are certainly a menace, demigod. Just because my wife is soft on you does not mean that I will be as forgiving."

"We don't expect that at all, Lord Erebus," Nico said, his head bowed. I figured that was a good idea and bowed my head also. "Just meeting you is an honor."

"I do  not need any ass-kissing either," Erebus snapped at Nico. Nico flinched and bowed lower.

Strike one. Ouch. "Lord Erebus, we're just terrified of disappointing you. I've been through a lot over the past few weeks. I didn't intend on falling into Tartarus, sir. I will leave just as I came, if you'd wish, and I'm sorry for disturbing your home."

Erebus silently studied me for a while. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know if what I said was better or worse than what Nico had said. It was the truth, at least.

"Stand," he commanded. We obeyed. He walked towards us. As he stepped closer to us, I felt the borders dictating my physical body dissolving away. He walked closer and closer and soon, I couldn't feel my heartbeat. Closer he came.  I was no longer a person, merely a consciousness floating in an eternal void of nothing.

"This is one of my many forms," Erebus's voice echoed through and around me. I was not afraid. "This Darkness fills corpses, fills the space of the universe, poisons minds. This Darkness is the base code for the entire universe. Think of it this way, Nico di Angelo, son of Hades. Think of Light as the temporary absence of Darkness. Darkness was the beginning. Darkness will be the end." Everything started to move, though Nico couldn't see a thing. Screaming through the pitch black of the void, Nico recognized the feeling. It was shadow travel.

"This is the method of transportation that I've revealed to certain Underworld demigods. To ride the Darkness throughout the physical realm is a skill that can be honed. I can see the shadow traveling in your mind. You think that the physical darkness of heavy shadows or the cover that my wife provides is the optimal conditions. This is only if you don't recognize the fact that Darkness comes from within. Darkness connects two souls, splits a soul, encompasses the galaxy. You are at no loss for Darkness, Nico di Angelo. With this knowledge, you should be able to travel anywhere. With anything. Your greatest challenge with shadow traveling is yet to come. Heed my advice."

I understood. It was easy to imagine darkness everywhere with this vast empty void pressing and pulling me from all sides. Erebus began backing away. I began to solidify into my body again, hands and feet, eyes and mouth. Nico was still standing next to me, looking just as bewildered and full of knowledge as I felt. I was a bit disappointed. I hoped that Nico would phase into me somehow. He stood there, just as physical as I was.

"This is all I will teach you." Erebus said. He shot a furtive look over our shoulders at his wife. "Does this satisfy you?"

"Yes, darling." she simpered. Her voice was so beautiful, like the wind. I'd forgotten. She walked around us and stood next to him. "Thank you."

"Now leave," he directed at me. "Go. You have other things to be doing. You don't need to waste your time here."

"Thank you for teaching me," I said before he could leave.

"It was incredible," Nico breathed.

"I'll never forget it." I assured. His full lips quirked into what could've been a millisecond of a smile, but it was gone in an instant. He turned on heel and left the room. Nico stumbled backwards, holding onto the bedpost for support and I knelt on the ground, unable to hold my body upright. It was as though a huge weight was dropped into my mind. I felt full of darkness. It was so deep and eternal-- it almost felt like death.

"Come now, Nico. To the Doors of Death." Nyx said, smiling widely. "Oh, I am so glad that he did not kill you. He usually does. Perhaps he pitied you, what with your condition and all."

"Yeah," Nico breathed, shaking his head. I got to my feet, shaking. "Pity is good if it'll save my life."

Nico and I followed Nyx through the halls of her home again, holding hands. We walked right past monsters and they didn't detect us at all. I knew why. I don't know how I knew, but it was just instinctual. We were shrouded in the little coals of darkness that Erebus left in our hearts. The coals could either fuel the fires to destroy us or harden into the diamonds of understanding. We trailed on in Nyx's wake, completely undetected.

She stopped a few hundred feet away from the doors.

"Here is where we both will ascend." Nyx said. "The problem. Only one of you may go."

I closed my eyes and sighed. I thought that something like this was going to happen. We had to think of some way of proving which one was the real Nico. Obviously I felt like the real Nico. But then again, so did Nico.

"I have to go," I said finally. "I'm Nico. I have to be up there to help my friends--"

"I'm Nico!" Nico said desperately. "How am I supposed to prove that I'm the actual Nico? He's obviously a demon!"

"Woah," I said, frowning. "Obvious to whom? I _feel_ like Nico. And thank you for thinking that I'm powerful enough to be a monster. You're barely passable as a hallucination."

Nico glared at me, hand twitching towards his sword. I was faster. I pulled my sword out and leveled it at his chest, smiling.

"Now, if I kill you, will you just disappear? Will you become absorbed into my mind?" I asked.

"I wouldn't know. _You're_ the Tartarus spawn," He spat at me. He was still unarmed. I wasn't concerned yet.

"Really, I'm just trying to figure out why you would appear to me like this." I asked, staring at the sunken, angry face that was identical to mine. I looked at the single charcoal line still smudged on his cheek from when we first woke up. "You're not a threat, you're not even powerful. I'm starting to think that maybe my weaker traits took their own form. Maybe this is a test. Maybe this is the way I need to shed my awful traits."

Nico swatted my sword away for a second, unsheathing his and clanging it against mine. It sparked as they connected.

"Funny," he said, panting, smirking. "I was thinking the same thing about you. Aggressive. Manipulative. First to pull a sword against me? You're the monster."

"No I am not!" I barked, striking at him with my sword. "You're a test! You're meant to be defeated!" I lunged and attacked, cutting his shoulder with my sword. He hissed and looked up at me in fear. I had gone in for the kill. So what? I hated myself anyway, what would be so hard about killing a shittier version of me? I would get to breath pure air again. I would be able to taste cold water. I used his hesitation to my advantage, lunging and striking with my sword, catching him in the sides. He cried out in pain, honestly frightened now. I laughed. It was too easy. What a weakling!

"Don't you see?" He bellowed, panting. "Don't you see what you _are_? Look at what you're _becoming?_ How could you ever consider yourself Nico? How could... How could someone with my memories and my emotions consider themselves act in this way and still try and claim to be me?" He asked. I had no idea what he was babbling about. I just needed to kill him. I needed to see his body fall limp and his eyes fade.  I would triumph. I needed to taste his blood, just to be certain that he was really dead. I laughed at him. I disarmed him and he fell to his knees before me. His eyes weren't as scared anymore, which disappointed me. I liked counting the different levels of horror flash past his mind. He looked up at me, and he looked... disappointed.

"Look at yourself." He demanded, pointing to the mirror-like obsidian. "I'm not the hallucination. I'm not the monster. I'm Nico di Angelo. What are _you_?" I glanced into the obsidian. I could barely comprehend what I was seeing.

I was kneeling down, exactly where Nico was... Nico was kneeling then. In the mirror before him stood a bat-winged creature with ram's horns curling around its ears. The eyes of the creature were fully black, the hair swung greasily down past its shoulders. It was pale and veiny, shirtless. It had claws grasping a long black sword. It mimicked my movements. I dropped my sword in shock. No. No. No, no, no, no...

I looked at my hands. They were in fact, blackened and clawed. My hair was longer. I did have horns. I looked at Nico, who was still kneeling and looking down at the ground. He wasn't happy about this either. He didn't expect this. I looked back in the obsidian in horror. Gods, no please, no--

"I--" I breathed. "This isn't me! This isn't-- I don't know how--"

"Yes it is," Nico said, his eyes tearing up, though his jaw remained firm. "This is what I have inside me, isn't it?"

"Please, please you have to believe me--" I begged of him.

"I believe you." Nico whispered. "But you're still a monster."

I lurched, grabbing my stomach. Not a monster. I couldn't be a monster. I looked at my hands, catching my bloody tears. I couldn't be a monster. I was me! I was _Nico--_

I looked up at Nico. He was better than me. When I was attacking him, those thoughts I had of murder, the feelings of seeing his dead body felt so natural... maybe... maybe I was a monster. Did I have this possibility all along? Is that what happened when you came to Tartarus? Or maybe I was so monstrous at the beginning that this was an inevitability?

"He goes," I whispered, barely able to believe the words were coming out of my mouth. If Nico was a monster as well, it would prove me wrong. I had to trust that Nico would be better than me. "Please help everyone as much as you can," I whispered. No. No, I should throttle him, I should choke him to death. _I_ deserve to go to the surface world! I can't stay here! I backed away from Nico, my thoughts scaring me. I hugged myself with these unfamiliar claws. Nico picked up his sword, but didn't turn it to me. Pity. Saving my life.

"Be good," I whispered. Nyx stepped forward, indifferent to the altercation that just happened. She knew. She knew the whole time. She harbored demons and monsters as well as moon-blooming flowers and sick demigods, maybe she could pity me as well? Nico gave me a longing look before walking behind Nyx to the Doors of Death. I wanted to go with them. I wanted to see the sky. I couldn't believe... I couldn't--

The Doors closed and Nico and Nyx were gone. I was alone. I was alone.

I howled with pain, screaming so hard my vocal chords tore. I clawed at my skin and my eyes, ripping at any part of my body that I could reach. The further Nico rose, the more of his memories left. I was _actually_ a monster, barely human. I would forget what it even meant to be Nico di Angelo, and I wouldn't know about love or life or laughter--

I didn't have time. I didn't want that existence. I refused to have that existence. I was silent when I lifted my sword to my own stomach. Nico was draining out of me. If I couldn't live as Nico, I wanted to at least die as Nico.  Percy flashed in my mind, slowly he started to leave it. I laughed as I plunged the sword through my stomach. The second death in Tartarus. How many times would I be forced to experience it? At least this one was good. This was a good death.  I winced as I pulled the sword from my stomach. Blood loss, my mental obituary would say. As I bled out on the veiny, fleshy heart of Tartarus, I thought of my mother. She'd love me. She would love me no matter what I was. I decided this here. She fell in love with the Lord of the Underworld. How hard would it be to accept her son? I felt warm. I felt like I was going into her embrace. I wouldn't though, I knew. Monsters don't have souls. They regenerate in Tartarus. Unless, of course, they're defeated with a stygian iron blade. I wouldn't have to experience this again. I would be okay. Everything would be okay. The world around me faded to white, and I was no more.

When I opened my eyes, I was standing next to Night, squeezed in the back of an elevator with a bunch of other bumbling demons. None of them noticed me. Nyx didn't even turn her head. I knew that she knew, though. I turned and looked at the mirror-like reflections on the inside of the elevator. The pallid face staring back at me was striped with tears. He had three lines of charcoal on his face. I cried out in pain, collapsing on the floor of the elevator. No one noticed. I began to panic, my head inflating. _What was that_? What happened? Was it a hallucination? Was I Nico? Was I a monster? Was Tartarus telling me that I would make a good monster? Was Tartarus within me now? Was I even human?

I clutched my head and rocked back and forth, terrified of my own self. I could go above, I could save my friends, but I was always here inside this body. I was Nico. It seemed so _real_. I was dying, I was actually dying. I remember the warmth of my blood sticking against my knuckles and pooling beneath me. I remember-- I-- he was-- I was--

Twelve minutes. I had twelve minutes to compose myself and prepare to meet Gaea's forces. I couldn't do it. I could barely keep my own mind in one piece. I was weary. I was exhausted. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to think about anything. I wanted to kill myself. I was so ready for death, I'd been ready for death twice and it refused to take me. I just kept being thrown into this broken down body and forced to overwork the engine. The elevator cleared out as the monsters lumbered out. Nyx lifted me in her arms and walked out behind them. No one noticed her. She melted into the darkness and soon we were above.

I was breathing cold night air when Nyx rested me down on the ground outside of the House of Hades. I craved death. I craved nothing but the silence of my breath. Nyx sat next to me, her hand on my back.

"You will survive, Nico di Angelo. You will heal the rift. You will save lives. You will make a change in the world as some could scarcely dream."

"I want to die," I croaked. "How could I be worth anything?"

"You will see, Nico." she sat me up against her, holding me like a mother would. "I will need you. If you survive the Giants, after you escape her twice, I will send for you."

Gaea, I thought she meant. The giants she mentioned were worrying me a bit.

"Why would you need me?"

"Because you are a child of the Underworld, and you are a child of an Olympian. You will heal the rift, Nico. I believe in you, I do."

"I apologize in advance for letting you down, Lady Night," I murmured. She laughed and the wind blew warm and soft.

"You will do well, I can see this." She looked to the distance. Two awfully-dressed giants were lumbering forward, apparently arguing, and holding between them a bronze jar. Nyx turned to me.

"Do you have your seeds?" she asked. I nodded as I felt my jeans for the little red seeds. They were exactly where they should be. She smiled sadly and smudged the charcoal off of my face with her thumb. I closed my eyes and breathed a lungful of cool, crisp night air. "Your death trance will help you. I have faith, son of Hades. We will meet again."

I nodded, still heavy with the troubles I just went through. She closed her eyes and dissolved into the night air, sparkling with the stars above, riding the wind to another sleepy village. I sat on the grassy hill, waiting for Ephilates and Otis. When they arrived, I looked up at them and smiled.

"You two are late."

* * *

The sun had risen, a yellow orb surrounded by a multitude of breathtaking color and regalia. Nico's throat was sore for talking for so long, but he said it. He finished his story. He told Jason everything that happened. Jason clutched onto him, reacting just as Nico expected. He shivered at just the right parts and made noises of surprise at others. Jason was such a good listener. Thankfully, he seemed to be unaffected by Nico's story.

"I don't think I can ever say this enough," Jason whispered against Nico's skin. So warm. Jason was like the sun, he really was. "You are so brave and so strong and... Nico you're--"

"I don't want to be there the day you see me as I actually am," Nico murmured.

"And I can't wait to be there the day you finally see yourself as you actually are." Jason said. Nico closed his eyes and basked in the warmth of the risen sun and Jason's praises. Why, _why_ couldn't Nico love Jason? Did it really have to do with his own emotions, or was he lying to himself? 

"Well, I'm full circle now." Nico said. "That's why I trust Nieva, sort of. That's why I have to go. She's summoned me. She helped me."

"I understand, Nico. I... trust your judgment." Jason said. "I just... I wish I could go with you."

"I wish you could come with me too," Nico whispered. They fell quiet as they watched the brilliant pink sky brighten. Camp Half-Blood began to stir below, early-rising campers were off to get first showers. Some of the Ares campers were lacing up their shoes for an early morning jog on the beach. Far off, cars started and drove to work. The birds chirped like mad. Nico didn't want the day to start. He wanted to live in that held-breath of an early morning where Jason woke him up. He didn't want to face some unknown challenge. He didn't want to have tentative trust with a new person. He wanted to lay here on Camp Half-Blood watching the sun rise lying in Jason's arms.

"Well, I'll be here when you get back." Jason nodded. "Don't go anywhere that I can't Iris Message you."

Nico laughed. "I'll try to Iris message you tomorrow. I don't know how often you'll be able to get me, though. I have no idea what I'm doing or if I'm even allowed to tell you when I get there. I think she was purposefully vague."

"I don't know, gods and goddesses are pretty vague without necessity, so..."

Nico laughed again, the action filling him up. Jason joined in. The silence encompassed them like a blanket. Nico was fantastic at lying to himself. He trusted Jason with his own emotions and pain... but  if he admitted to loving Jason, he would have to trust himself with Jason. Nico felt like he was only capable of hurting Jason. If he admitted... would he be able to be as good to Jason as Jason was to him? Nico didn't know the answer. He didn't want to think about it. He closed his eyes and sighed. A spark of an idea hit him in the chest like a lawnmower. He swallowed as his heart began to race. He didn't know how he felt about Jason, but he knew that _this_ had to be done. About _that_ , he was certain. He would do it. And he needed to do it now. Here. Who knows what sort of shit that Nico was about to get into? He _had_ to do it. He owed it to Jason.

Nico sat up, his hand shaking a little with nerves. Jason noticed, frowning.

"Are you alright? Do you need water?"

Nico laughed, not meeting Jason's eyes. "No, I'm not panicking. Thanks for worrying, though."

"I can't help it." Jason said. "I'm a worrier." Nico's laugh was shaky, deepening Jason's frown.

"Nico, are you sure you're okay?" Jason asked, leaning in.

Nico looked up into Jason's face. Jason's kind face, cheeks pink from the wind, light freckles on his nose, his sky eyes. The scar on his upper lip, the thin lips at which Nico was staring at now.

"Nico?" Jason asked again. Nico watched Jason's lips form his name. He swallowed. Now or never. Nico raised a cold hand to Jason's warm face and leaned in for a kiss. Jason wasn't expecting it at all. He kissed back in surprise, mainly. Nico closed his eyes tight. He didn't want to see Jason's laughter. Nico backed away, blushing furiously. He could feel his heart beating in his lips. Kissing Succubus had been absolutely _nothing_ like this. Succubus dimmed the inhibitions and made the anxiety and the shivering disappear with her magic. This was just regular kissing, complete with the nerves and shaking that made it so difficult in the first place. Nico began to stammer.

"I... I just... I had to... to do it... before I--"

"Shh," Jason said, his eyes heavily lidded. There was a pause as Jason sized up Nico's face. He cocked his head and planted his lips against Nico's. He kissed Nico gently, brushing his lips against Nico's as though he was taking care to remember every one of Nico's little trembles. Two, three, four times they reconnected, Nico counted. Nico grew more confident with each peck, but it was over too soon. Jason backed out, touching Nico's lips lightly with his own as though he was tentative to leave. It was a ghost of the kisses they had just shared. It was more sensual and perfect than anything he'd experienced with Succubus. It was Jason. Jason was smiling as softly as though he were dreaming. Every inch of his face was hyper magnetized. Nico's senses were overwhelmed. Jason's smell filled his nose, Jason's breath warmed his face, his touch light on Nico's shoulder. Jason, Jason, Jason.

"Thank you," Jason whispered, kissing Nico's forehead as he often did. Nico closed his eyes. Jason. Maybe he could grow to love Jason. Maybe this could be something.

"You know," Nico said, finally finding his voice. "That was my first kiss with a human."

Jason's smile was fantastic and wide. His laughter filled the forest with a ringing joy that Nico felt buzzing in his toes and fingers. Nico began laughing too. It was small at first, but it soon took him over completely as the joy just filled him completely to the brim. He laughed until his stomach ached and his lungs screamed. He laughed until tears came to his eyes. He clutched onto Jason who was also shaking with laughter. Two stupid kids, kissing and laughing in the early morning. That's all Nico wanted to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! One more chapter!


	21. Chapter 21

It made perfect sense that Nico and Nieva were to leave at night. Nico was summoned to do an errand for Night. If they left at high noon, it would be a little... inappropriate. He supposed that they could if they really wanted to, the goddess of the Day was Night's daughter after all... but he also wanted to put off leaving as long as he could. They were to leave at midnight.

"I thought Midnight was technically the day?" Leo said as they all sat in the infirmary having a makeshift goodbye party.

"Technicalities aren't exactly what gods are about," Nieva said, leaning against the wall. "Have you met these guys?"

"Yeah, I have, actually. And I met the _real_ snow girl. She's actually really horrible, so your name is terrible."

Nieva glared at Leo as though she wanted to retort but settled on shaking her head. Everyone was in their pajamas besides Nico and Nieva, who were packed and dressed for travel. Nico was sitting in Jason's bed, Jason's arm around him. No one said anything about it, it was as though it was a thing that had been happening all along. Nico was glad that no one asked, he didn't feel like explaining anything. He just wanted to sit here with Jason as Piper braided Hazel's hair in four rows down her back.

"Leo, leave the girl alone," Piper chided. She turned to the brooding girl on the wall. "Nieva, I think your name is beautiful. Regardless of the actual goddess of snow, it suits you."

Nieva nodded, smiling appreciatively at Piper. Nico tried his hardest not to over-examine Piper. Was it really true that she was transgender? She looked so... natural. She was wearing a cut-off t shirt that showed off her pierced navel, a pair of Hello Kitty pajama shorts, her hair was up in a lazy bun and she was, as usual, not wearing any makeup. Her face was longer, but that was just a trait that any girl could have. Nico shook his head and forced himself to look away. He understood why Piper didn’t want anyone to know about it. His preoccupation with her was probably incredibly uncomfortable. Nico knew that he’d be uncomfortable if people were constantly trying to imagine him naked. Nico let his eyes drift around the room instead.

Hazel examined herself in the mirror, thanking Piper and feeling the braids with her fingers. Annabeth was laughing at a joke that Frank had just told, in some conversation that Jason was very invested in. Percy was a little quiet, looking in with a silent smile in very much the same way that Nico was. He caught Nico's eye for a moment and nodded. Nico nodded back.

“I just wish I could know where Nico was going,” Nico heard Annabeth say. Nico was always able to hear his name, regardless of how hard he was trying to tune out the rest of the world.

“Annabeth, I don’t know myself,” Nico said. She jumped a little, though Nico had been sitting there the whole time. Perhaps she didn’t expect to be heard. “And Nieva’s not exactly the sharing type.”

“I can see that,” Annabeth grumbled. “But I just... I hate not knowing anything.”

“It’s probably some minor thing, Annabeth, it doesn’t matter, really.” Jason said. Jason didn’t think it was minor at all, actually. After the morning had faded into the afternoon, Jason pulled Nico aside after lunch. He’d been writing on a notepad all throughout lunchtime. Nico watched him across the dining hall, writing intensely. After lunch, he presented Nico a list of every single thing that worried him about what Nico told him in his last story about Tartarus.

* * *

“Okay.” Jason said, clearing his throat. “One. Nox knew that you were going to face Succubus again and she didn’t warn you about it. Two--”

“It’s not like she could’ve protected me from her. She was doing what she thought was right. And I didn’t even see Succubus as a female until... until after the second time--”

“Hush and let me finish.” Jason said, covering his mouth with a finger and turning back to his list. Nico rolled his eyes. “Two. She spoke to you in Italian. Gaea _also_ spoke to you in Italian. That’s just fishy to me. Three. Nox acts motherly then allows you to get yourself in situations where you could be killed. Like meeting her husband. Oh, and that’s four! Erebus saying that you would face a test with the shadow travel? What kind of test--”

Nico had to interrupt. “That was the Athena Parthenos, Jason. That traveling nearly killed me, you know.”

“ _Five,_ ” Jason said pointedly, “She let you eat your fill after being starved and that’s _really_ bad for your body--”

“Jason.” Nico said, exasperated. He couldn’t listen to this anymore. “I know the risks. I trust Nyx just about as much as I trust any other god or goddess. She’s shady, quite literally. I know that I’m about to face danger, but I’ve roamed the country completely alone before. I know how to handle myself.”

“Well, what if you have a panic attack and no one’s there for you?”

“It’s happened before, Jason,” Nico said softly. “But, I’ll have you to think about.”

Jason smiled a little and lowered his list. “There’s... there’s one thing that bothered me the most out of anything you told me. I... I didn’t want to mention it in the morning because I didn’t want to destroy the morning. And even after that... I was too busy riding off of the high of your kiss--”

“Yeah, what is it?” Nico said, blushing. He still felt embarrassed about his action, and he wondered if he’d done the right thing.

“Well, she said that you’d be back.”

Nico closed his eyes. He took a few beats before sighing and looking back up into Jason’s eyes. “Yeah.”

“Back in Tartarus.”

“Yeah.”

Jason stared him down with intensity. Jason was so good at it. He managed to convey all of the worry and the apprehension, all of the anger at the consequences, all of the exhaustion and the desires, all of this he said with a single frowning stare.

“She’s leading you into a trap.”

“It doesn’t feel like that.” Nico said, closing his eyes.

“Succubus didn’t feel like a trap either.” Jason bit. Woah... _ouch_. Nico flinched, stung by that accusation.

“I know, I know. I fucked up and nearly got everyone killed, I understand that Jason, how can you think I don’t understand that?” Nico said angrily. “If you don’t trust my sense of judgment then put me in a straitjacket and throw me in a mental hospital.”

It was Jason’s turn to flinch. “I didn’t mean it like that, Nico you know that I didn’t mean it like that--”

“You’re thinking that Nyx is trying to replace my mother the same way that Succubus is trying to emulate my lover,” Nico said. Jason was shaking his head but Nico continued. “I don’t trust anyone right now, Jason, least of all myself. Why would I trust a goddess with all of this? Some girl with crazy head powers? But I’m in debt to Nyx. I’m in debt to Nieva. If I end up dying, so be it, I will have all of my debts cleared.”

“You don’t owe them your life, Nico. If they’re trying to lead you back into the pit, you don’t owe them _anything._ ”

“Nyx rose me from the pit. I owe her anything she can take from me.”

“And Nieva?”

“She gave you back to me.” Nico said. Jason’s frown softened and he dropped his shoulders a bit. “I owe her just as much.”

Jason opened his mouth, but closed it, looking away angrily.

“I should’ve tried harder,” Jason murmured.

“Tried harder?” Nico frowned.

“To come back.” Jason said. “I don’t want you to owe a stranger anything. I wasn’t trying hard enough, I was too weak-- scared--”

“No, no shut up.” Nico said, covering Jason’s mouth with his whole hand. Jason raised his eyebrows in surprise. Nico removed his hand and hugged Jason around the waist, his head resting in the crook of his collarbone. “I’m going. You know that I’m going. Let’s just... let’s just enjoy this day.”

“I don’t like it,” Jason said, wrapping his arms around Nico and rocking a bit.

“No one said you had to.”

“But _Tartarus_ \--”

“Shh, no shut up don’t--” Nico sighed. “Don’t say words, do not... say anything. Maybe she meant... back in her presence. She knows that demigods can barely survive Tartarus. There’s probably some sort of double meaning in her words. Godesses are stupid like that. so... We’re just gonna shut up and we’re gonna have a nice day and we’re not gonna talk about Tartarus or betrayal or backstabbing or any manner of traps that may be waiting for me, okay? And I will Iris message you tomorrow to let you know that I haven’t descended into the pit again.”

Jason chuckled. “Okay. Have it your way.”

* * *

So it was quite amusing to hear Jason tell Annabeth that there was nothing important about Nico’s departure. Nico hadn’t had enough practice being a shitty little instigator, so he decided that he should give it a go before he left.

“Yeah, I mean, maybe she’ll have me water the plants in her front lawn.” Nico begged internally for Annabeth to take the bait.

Annabeth snorted, “Her home is in Tartarus, Nico.” _Fuck yeah._ Nico tried his hardest not to smile.

“Is it?” He asked, faking surprise. “Well, it was a breeze once, I can’t see how it could be more difficult a second time. Even goddesses get backed up toilets, right?”

Nico could feel Jason glaring at the side of his head.

“You’re not going back to Tartarus, you idiot.” Jason said. Nico shrugged.

“You’re right. It’s probably something minor. Nothing to worry or make lists about.” Nico nodded, looking at Jason. Jason shook his head, his smile spreading across his face.

“I’m gonna punch you right in your stupid fucking face.”

“Maybe I have to give Hypnos a pedicure. Maybe Erebus needs a dog sitter. Little Tartarus things.” Nico shrugged one shoulder. Jason actually shoved Nico off of the side of the bed.  Nico laughed, hitting the wood floors with a gentle thump. 

Jason laughed. “You are no longer welcome on this bed! Leo!”

“Yes, sir!”

“Come receive cuddles!”

“Immediately, sir!” Leo said, hopping over Jason and resting himself in the crook of Jason’s arm in Nico’s vacated spot. “you been replaced, di Angelo.”

“Baciare il mio culo, Valdez!”Nico laughed.

“Hey, hey, hey, that’s his job!” Leo said, jerking his thumb towards Jason. Nico hit Leo, still giddy with laughter.

“I’m completely lost.” Annabeth grumbled, leaning into Percy. Percy rubbed her shoulder.

“Welcome to my world.”

The alarm on Frank’s watch beeped and the jubilance in the room stuttered to a halt. It was midnight. Nico’s smile began to fade as Nieva pushed herself from the wall. Jason’s smile faltered also. It couldn’t be midnight already. The day had been so short. There was no use arguing for five more minutes. The room had suddenly become silent. Nico looked at each one of them. He knew why leaving was so difficult this time. He’d left their presence before several times. Each time, he’d been undetected, unnoticed, and that was how he wanted it. Before, he had no connections to any of these people. Now he was aware how each one of them had risked their lives to save him. Leaving now was different because this time, he actually _wanted_ to say goodbye. And it was _hard_.

“Welp,” Leo said, breaking the silence and standing. “Good luck. Don’t die.” He hugged Nico warmly. Nico was too stunned to hug back. He’d never noticed how beneath the oil and the smell of freshly burned charcoal that Leo smelled like nutmeg and cinnamon. How could he have missed that?

Hazel was next. She hugged Nico so tightly that Nico was certain he was going to break.

“Ha--Hazel I need-- I need that to live--” Nico laughed. Hazel still looked worried as she backed out.

“Take care of yourself. Come back, too. I know how you like to wander.”

“I’ll come back, I’ll come back.” Nico promised his sister. He kissed her cheeks, just as Bianca used to kiss his. Nico really appreciated the symmetry.

“Seriously, Nico, take care of yourself,” Percy said, remaining seated next to Annabeth. He appreciated it.

“Yeah. It was great getting to know you better, Nico.” Piper said kindly. She really seemed genuine about it also. And of course, finally... Jason. Jason was standing next to Nico, looking down at him with the same complex intensity at which he was so skilled. Nico looked up at him, wondering how Jason’s face would look the next time they met. It seemed so stupid considering that he had no idea how long he would be gone,  but it felt so... permanent. Nico was at the cusp of something. Jason knew it too. Jason didn’t say anything at all. He wrapped his arms around Nico and Nico fell into Jason. It was so warm. He was so comforting. Every weepy night in these arms over the last few months flashed through Nico’s mind. Every midnight panic attack and scabbed self-harm cut that Jason soothed. Every bath in the dark came back to him now, in Jason‘s embrace. Nico decided. Maybe he was a romantic, maybe he needed to be threatened with separation to feel it. Nico decided that he liked Jason.

Nico backed out, his eyes hard with determination.

“Promise me that you’ll come back.” Jason murmured so no one else could hear. Nico smiled. A promise with Jason was more like a vow.

“I promise.” Nico said.  “Promise you’ll be here when I come back?”

Jason smiled and kissed him on the forehead. “I promise.”

Nico backed up, filled with a melancholy. It was better than the despair he was used to. He’d decided that he liked Jason. It wasn’t love, not yet. It could be, if he let himself. He knew that it could be. Nico slung his bag over his shoulder, made certain that the sword and emergency pomegranate seeds were where they always were, and walked out behind Nieva, the doors of the infirmary closing with a heavy finality. Every step felt like he was walking through quicksand. He felt like he was being willed to stay with people that he had grown attached to. His... his friends. Nieva was heading outside of the Camp Half-Blood borders, towards the hill where Jason and Nico just this morning watched the sunrise. They walked in silence until she reached a spot in the darkness that she found suitable. She stood, rummaging through her bag for something.

“Now that we’re out of earshot of the others, am I allowed to ask where we’re going?”

Nieva smirked, pulling out a few crystals and draped them around her neck. “We’re going to the place where people like me and you aren’t considered freaks.”

Nico’s heart plummeted.

“Tartarus?” Nico asked, terrified.  Nieva looked up sharply, her eyes wide and horrified.

“ _Tartarus?_ Are you _crazy_? We wouldn’t be freaks in Tartarus-- we’d be _dead._ ” Nieva shook her head in disbelief and returned to shuffling in her bag. Nico let out a breath he’d been holding and relaxed. Good. Maybe there was hope.

“Ah, here it is.” She said, draping a leather chord with a heavy geode on the end around Nico’s neck. Nico held it up and examined it.

“What are these for?”

“They’re just for me. I can’t shadow travel easily and these help.” She said.

“Where are we going?” Nico repeated, much more at ease.

“I told you, we’re going to a place where freaks like you and me are the norm. I’m a child of Mania, the goddess of mental illness. Don’t you think that other underworld gods and goddesses would have children also?”

Nico had never really thought about it. He supposed that it would be entirely possible, the only problem being that he’d never met a child of a god that most considered ‘evil’.

“So... what kinds of gods and goddesses?” Nico asked. Nieva fiddled with her gold ring as though she were setting it.

“Oh... Nyx and Erebus. We have a couple of Hecate’s children, Hypnos and Somnus. Cupid and Eros. Some others, can’t remember. Our camp director is a son of Thanatos. Basically we take in demigods that have enough power to draw attention the attention of monsters but don’t get taken into either Camp Jupiter or Camp Half-Blood.”

“Wait, why not?” Nico asked. He couldn’t imagine why Camp Half-Blood would deny any demigod. Nieva smiled in amusement.

“It’s because we smell like monsters ourselves. I’ve been having to mask my scent so the satyrs here don’t flip their little horns off.” She held out her hands. Nico hesitated. She’d been disguising herself while she was here?

He looked at her extended hands and sighed. It wasn’t as though he had any other choice. “You still haven’t told me what this place is called.” He grabbed her hands.

“Isn’t it obvious, Nico? We’re going to Camp Nyx.”

The air around them solidified as the crystals seemed to suck the values from the trees and the sparks of light from the night. Shadow travel. Nico closed his eyes and fell backwards into the feeling that had become so familiar to him. He didn’t know what to think about the introduction of this new camp. He didn’t trust anyone. Maybe that would save him. He inhaled the sweet breath of Camp Half-Blood. By the time Nico exhaled, Half-Blood hill was quiet and empty. The moon shone through the leaves of the trees and the shadows danced innocently. The world found Nico again and swallowed him in the danger and excitement that was forever coupled with living. One could only hope that Nico was properly equipped for the coming winds. Winds were coming, that was certain, perhaps not the earth shaking winds of Gaea or the Titans waking, for Percy was their adversary and Nico was no Percy Jackson. No, Nico is not the hero of those stories. Nico is the soldier in a battle within himself, fighting with questions of reality and body, identity and determinism. These were the skills that would save or unravel him. And it was with these skills, a stygian sword, a backpack full of clothes, a crystal necklace, and a heavy heart that he melted into the night towards his next adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! I'm actually so glad that my cousin lost my flash drive, this ending was so much fuller and nicer than I had previously. I'm so glad that I had this finished. Thanks for reading this everyone, and I hope you'll read the sequel as well!


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